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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I U to feel this sensitive about ds' interactions?

60 replies

Freakbag · 17/01/2017 14:40

Ds had a friendship day in class, they all made a friendship bracelet and gave it to a friend in their class.

Ds didn't get one, but he gave his to someone. He has a few friends in the small class of 12.

He said he felt sad, then I felt sad for him and feel really awful that he had to sit through all of gis classmates getting them and him not. I can just imagine how he felt.

I'm cross at the teacher for letting this happen.

Do I need a grip?

OP posts:

GruochMacAlpin · 17/01/2017 19:05

A quiet word to the teacher should suffice.

My DDs teacher was letting the kids (in a class with odd numbers) always pick their own partner for gym. DD was always excluded. A quick word at parents night (and the teacher was appalled and embarrassed ) and the system was quietly changed.

Original poster

Freakbag · 17/01/2017 19:05

Thanks feral that's really sweet of you but I was telling my sister about it today and she is going to get my nephew to make him one

OP posts:

Original poster

Freakbag · 17/01/2017 19:07

Thanks gruoch Yes I certainly think it was just a matter of not thinking it througj

OP posts:

Greenfingeredfun · 17/01/2017 19:14

Your poor ds my ds is 7 too and he would have been extremely upset by that. I'd have secretly cried for him! A very poorly thought out activity.

Baylisiana · 17/01/2017 19:17

yanbu.

Totally avoidable pain caused by teacher not thinking. I would be severely unimpressed and say so.

Original poster

Freakbag · 17/01/2017 19:20

I did secretly cry for him green

OP posts:

KayTee87 · 17/01/2017 19:25

Why could the teacher not have had all of the children making a bracelet then they all go into a hat, each child takes one out the hat then everyone gets one? She could have explained that everyone in the class could be friends or something like that.
Her activity was bound to be upsetting for at least one kid and tbh was really stupid of her.

GruochMacAlpin · 17/01/2017 19:31

Kay's idea is a good one, suggest that for next year.

My DD's teacher was embarrassed because she hadn't realised that DD was upset about the partner thing (she always put a brave face on it) or that it was a symptom of a wider problem with the girls in her class.

Make sure it's clear to the teacher that your DS was distressed about it.

MuseumGardens · 17/01/2017 19:48

I agree with you and I think this was thoughtless. Dd's Year 4 teacher last year got them making Valentine cards. Predictably some girls got lots, dd got to be postman and got none. Bit tacky.

Lunar1 · 17/01/2017 20:05

There is something deeply wrong with a teacher who would do this. They have either had a complete empathy bypass or enjoy making certain kids feel bad about themselves.

Either way they're not fit to be around children.

IWillOnlyEatBeans · 17/01/2017 20:17

YANBU.

My DS1 is the same age and would have been in exactly this position. I would have cried for him too! Definitely mention it to the teacher.

Original poster

Freakbag · 17/01/2017 20:18

That is horribly tacky museum I remember thay had something similar in our secondary school, there was a post box in the hall for people to post cards anonymously and then they'd be handed out during morning register.

lunar I'm starting to wonder that. I can't tell if I like one of ds teacher or not, he has 2. One I do like and she is lovely but the other I've not warmed to and I don't know why. She is nice and polite and smiley, ds seems to like her. Ds is generally very quiet with his emotions and would never speak up when something is wrong, and I worry about this as I feel like neither I nor the teacher really know how he's feeling.

OP posts:

Original poster

Freakbag · 17/01/2017 20:21

I don't think she's done it to make kids feel bad but I do wonder whether she had thought about the singling out being an issue and just thinking oh well.

OP posts:

MuseumGardens · 18/01/2017 12:27

Things like this cut you deeply. Dd2 was happy in reception but then they mixed the classes up for year 1 and she struggled making new friends as a lot of friends had been kept together but she hadn't. I remember her coming home and saying she'd sat on the buddy bench at playtime but "no one came." I found it upsetting and spoke to her teacher who was lovely and looked out for her after that. All fine now in year 4, but i remember how heartbreaking i found it at the time.

Aeroflotgirl · 18/01/2017 12:43

Freakbag that is bloody awaful, your poor ds . I am 39, and I would be hurt about nobody making me a bracelet, its not just about the bracelet, its about the feeling that nobody likes you, and busting your self esteem and self worth. The exercise was badly thought out and planned. what she should have done, was to put every child's in the class names into a hat, and the child has to make that child a bracelet, so that no child is left out. I would talk to her and tell her how you feel, and how ds felt, so that this does not happen again!

Aeroflotgirl · 18/01/2017 12:45

Museum if a teacher or TA sees a child alone on the buddy bench, they have to intervene, and get a child to sit next to that child on the bench, and talk to them and get to know them. Schools sometimes are so concerned with academic results, they forget about the other things.

MuseumGardens · 18/01/2017 12:51

Yes, she probably just went unnoticed. Maybe she wasn't there long. The teacher i told was extremely sympathetic and tried to help dd. All fine with friendships now.

Aeroflotgirl · 18/01/2017 12:53

That's good Museum .

JustSpeakSense · 18/01/2017 13:08

It's definitely worth a quiet word with the teacher. WTF was she thinking?
Your poor DS, on 'friendship day' as well, how ironic

MuseumGardens · 18/01/2017 13:12

Thanks Museum.
OP a unanimous AIBU says you are not being oversensitive.

tricornel · 18/01/2017 13:52

Yanbu - this would have devastated my DD, if it had been my middle DS I could have talked about it and he'd have been ok, but DD would have taken it to heart. What a silly exercise - clearly not well thought out.

Trifleorbust · 18/01/2017 13:57

*There is something deeply wrong with a teacher who would do this. They have either had a complete empathy bypass or enjoy making certain kids feel bad about themselves.

Either way they're not fit to be around children*

There's always one

Yes, the teacher made a mistake. That's it though.

RichardHead · 18/01/2017 14:18

Not being oversensitive at all, in what way is a popularity contest teaching children about the values of friendship?!

xStefx · 18/01/2017 14:32

Aw poor baby, ill send him one too bless him . I don't think you are over reacting, I would point out that her task went the opposite way than she planned and someone (your DC) got left out and felt like shit.

Tubbyinthehottub · 18/01/2017 14:34

I agree the activity was badly managed.

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