AIBU to think that there are NO vegetables in London or the whole of the UK

[DontEattheCakeGrandma]

Ok so I am English and I think that that there are vegetables in London, England, UK and Europe in general. But IL’s, mainly MIL have been bleating on for the last 13 years that there aren’t any. At all. It normally just irritates but this time it's become part of a larger issue.

Background - IL’s and DH are Australian, we met in UK, when IL’s came to visit they would travel and eat out a lot, mainly opting for steak and chips in restaurants, when they came to ours I would cook a normal meal involving plenty of veg - so they know and have eaten vegetables in the UK (even if that was not their choice).

When DH and I were still living there they would come out with this line that there are no vegetables. We moved to Australia 8+years ago. Now at least four times a year, when sitting down to dinner with other people (never when it’s just the four of us, she needs an audience for this to work) she will bang on about their travels and that there are no veggies in England/Europe, this last time it was just London. They know this is not true, they know I find it really rude to keep going on about it. It is sure to get a rise out of me. As MIL was an English/Communications teacher she knows how offensive her phrasing is. Compare ‘There are no vegetables in your home country ('tis a miracle you didn’t die of scurvy)’ to ‘we struggled to get our five a day because we chose to stuff our faces with meat and chips’. So I think it’s deliberately done to get a known reaction.

The last time comes with a further background of birthdays and christmases being manipulated to ensure problems and upset, these are whole threads in themselves. Including organising the secret santa for all 10 grandchildren (presents bought between aunts uncles etc) but then telling my DS(6)’s secret santa not to bother getting him anything! On Christmas Day I find him crying as he watches his brother and cousins opening their presents and he has none, MIL pipes up with ‘oh I thought this might happen’.

So now they are upset at me because I am offended a lot, I got shouted at that they are ‘on tenterhooks all the time because they don’t know when they might offend me’ (try not eating my DS(5)’s birthday cake before I’ve even got to ice it grandma!)

1 So really Am I Being Unreasonable to think that they are deliberately trying to offend me/upset my children so can’t be too surprised when we're offended/hurt by them. I quite possibly Am Unreasonable, and way too sensitive, I will accept that.

2 If IANBU please give me witty responses (I don’t think they’d get the nuance of ‘did you mean to be so rude’) to cheer me up.

Blu You are spot on, the business with sectret santa, and the other stuff with the DC's is serious. Very fucking serious. I know I am in no way being unreasonable in thinking they are absolute shits for doing that. I have sorted non antagonistic ways to ward off any further shit from MiL I hope, if I fail I am ready to stand up to them, I have previously deffered to DH about how to deal with them and we are now very clear that that will no longer happen

I started with the veg because it is silly, and yet so frustrating, so I am checking AIBU with regard to that. To a certain extent I know I am, but I hoped some of MN could help me take a deep breath and see a little more clearly that at least with regard to this she is just a daft old bat, and I shouldn't rise to it.

If she does the veg thing to get a rise out of you, the obvious answer is just not to rise to it - or use it to take the piss out of whoever is doing it.

So far as the Secret Santa thing is concerned: do you know for sure that MiL told the giver not to bother? Has he or she said what explanation your MiL gave, and did you or your husband take it up with her?

I like the power point wigbert I could do something very creative with that!!

I like the idea of extending the idea too, that we don't have meat, only live on potatoes, I just fear that they will think that I am perfectly serious and will then start saying that in all the times after.

Two things here.

One - many people are completely ignorant about other countries. (I include British in this, too. Look at the threads about the US!) And some of these engage mouth before thinking, whether because they're idiots or because they think they're being funny. Once at a dinner party I was sandwiched between two Eurotrash City young people who spent ages slagging off England and the English. They had probably never been farther than Fulham. My face was a picture of a repressed desire to stab them.

Two - goady mil. I had this. Lots of "Did you feel dirty growing up in London? I always feel so grimy whenever I visit and have to have a good bath when I come back to our little quiet spot." Her "innocent" jibes would fill 10,000 threads.

Surely the Secret Santa incident must have been a misunderstanding? That's open hostility rather than jealous-sounding snipes.

Secret Santa thing was nasty.

But re the veg, I agree with the 'overegging' that others have encouraged. So when she repeats that there are no vegetables in England, you reply 'oh yes, I and several of my friends died of scurvy. And then the ricketts got us, what with their being no sunlight. It was terrible.'

England is an island - is it? I thought Britain was an island?

Op she sounds a pain in the arse. I'd just laugh and say 'yeah, yeah, it's amazing that we aren't all vitamin deficient' she will begin to feel ridiculous if you keep laughing at her.

DontEat you have answered your own question, about the trivial stuff, when you say 'don't rise to it'

You can see that it is being done to get a rise out of you, so don't give them the satisfaction. They will, eventually, get bored it will take much longer than you could imagine, so don't dispair. My mother was not the brightest, but taught me to say 'how nice' or 'how interesting' to anything horrible. It's taken me decades, but I do see now that it works pretty well. They have no idea whether you are being straight, or v v bitchy. Win, win.

The business about singling one child out for no presents, is, IMO a very different kettle of fish. Don't waste any more energy on the trivial stuff, don't let yourself get distracted from this. All the very best.

Thank you, I am unreasonable to rise to these small issues, they are the thin end of the wedge. They hurt but getting upset about them makes me look petty. Although it's been light relief to think if funny answers.

I/we will be removing ourselves, not seeing them so much and I will not, ever, let them hurt my children.

I would shove a massive turnip up her arse and say 'there you go - British veg! And here's a pineapple to follow it as your secret santa present'.

Tbh if there are no vegetables in UK I am wondering wtf I grew in my garden last year.
They sound like morons tbf and I'd try as little contact as poss and hope it isn't genetic.

You could use this to do Blu's suggestion

They're baiting you, and are happy when you rise to the bait, basically. Really hard I know, but ignore them or pretend you didn't notice the bait, don't under any circumstances look annoyed. You can reasonably disagree with them of course, but don't get upset or angry, it will only give them the most immense satisfaction.

And lots of supposed nice people can be baiters, once you're aware of it, it's really very empowering as you just make the decision to bypass it (much to their annoyance).

You could have a lovely time baiting them in return with a patronising discussion of backwards colonials who still seem to think in the teeth of all the evidence to the contrary that the British don't have vegetables; and how surprising that is when they have the internet available to show them how inaccurate that is. You could even try a reference to said backwards colonials maybe struggling to understand IT.

[DISCLAIMER for all Australians: no, I know you're not backwards colonials. But maybe OP's in-laws are].

Maybe express surprise at every meal - "oooh what's this called? Is it another one of them vegetables. We don't have those..."

with a couple of slides about prison ships and how all Australians are convicts so cannot be trusted.
You do realise that transportation stopped over 150 years ago, so as a dig, that's rather pointless.

Have you ever seen For Our Country's Good Tezza?

ethelb
No, I've never heard of it: interestingly enough, according to Wikipedia (so who knows how accurate that is?), it's not been produced in Australia, which is surprising as Thomas Keneally was all the rage about the time it was first produced. It sounds interesting, but so many things about early Australia were shown around the time of the Bicentennial - and, actually before and after, it probably did not get a look in.

It appears to look at Sydney just after the First Fleet arrived, which was 1788. Transportation to NSW ceased in 1840 and completely in 1868 (so nearly 150 years ago).

I presume that comment about prison ships was meant to be humorous, but even so, it is as useless a cliche as that nasty MIL's button pushing statement about a lack of vegetables.

As for someone else's statement "It's all about the sport" - do people actually believe such rubbish, and say/write it with a straight face? Or am like the OP and allowing my buttons to be pushed?

Do Australians give much of a shit about Wales?
:)
Anyhow. Yanbu.

Do Australians give much of a shit about Wales?

Speaking as an Australian, I have visited Wales several times, and have a vague knowledge of its history and geography.

Plus, I've watch some of the new Dr Who and Torchwood, so know Cardiff (that's meant to be a joke).

Do I give much of a shit about Wales? Probably about as much as the Welsh give about Australia.

We had this with Canadian friends. He would always talk about awful English food grey boiled mush etc., despite me and DH being keen cooks and quite foodie. We have eaten ouer with them at several 'nice' restaurants. Last time they arrived, I bet DH a fiver that he would mention boring, grey English food within the first hour half and he did. I leapt up, demanded the moaner high five me, and thanked him for being so predictable. I made a big show of demanding my fiver from my DH and explaining our wager. The moaning Canadian was put out, alas, not shamed but embrassed at being considered predictable and repetitive.

I suggest you do the same thing with you MIL.

Knowingly leaning a kid out at Christmas is so spiteful. I hope she made it up to him

Considering this is a thread complaining about Australians making rude, unjustified generalisations about the British, there's plenty of irony on display.

Cultural stereotyping goes both ways (as is clear from some of these replies) though. I'm Australian and when I lived in Britain for some years someone asked me (completely seriously) whether there were bookshops in Australia (because apparently the houses in Neighbours never have books in them ).

Next time she calls to arrange a meet up. Nope doesn't work for me/us. Repeat. If she pushes it tell her straight why the hell would you want to spend time with a nasty bullying bitch. When she's prepared
To grow the fuck up and treat you and especially the children with respect then get in touch.
But I would have kicked the cows arse out of the house after the ss incident.
And the dick that went along with that shot also needs pulling up for going along with that.

Don'teat - YANBU at all about any of it. She's being a bitch to you, and now to your poor little DS too.
What kind of psychopath deliberately sets out to break a 6yo's heart by leaving him out of the family secret santa?? And why in the name of fuck did the person supposed to be buying him a gift not fucking CHECK with someone less psychopathic WHY they weren't supposed to?

I'm staggered at that level of pure evil, tbh. Really staggered.

The veg thing is tiny in comparison but So Fucking Wearing.
I don't "get" it either - I live in Australia but luckily the majority of people I know have quite a close association with Britain themselves, either children of immigrants from the UK, or married to them, or similar - so they don't pull this kind of shit.

I got it once, from a friend of MIL's - and I just stared at her in astonishment! She soon shut up - but your MIL won't, because she's not doing it from ignorance, she's doing it to be a fucking bitch, and she's winning at that.

Don't play her game. Don't rise to it. Just smile and say - oh this old chestnut again? No veg? Haha. Brush it off, however fucking seething you are inside because that will infuriate her.

Although, tbh, I wouldn't have the toad back in my house after the Secret Santa episode.

whether there were bookshops in Australia
I am also Australian. I did a Grad Dip in Librarianship a long while ago, and the statistics then showed that Australians were the biggest users of libraries in the first world. I just did a brief and superficial search of some current figures and Australia still seems to be very high on the list of library users.

I say that as a voracious reader who has always tended to borrow rather than buy books (except for reference books).

Yes, the cliches kept coming when I worked in the UK: I was short for an Australian (165 cm), did I see the news clip of cars breaking down on the Harbour Bridge with boiling radiators? (hasn't happened since about 1960, so heaven knows where all these clips come from), did I worry about doing to the beach (sharks, bluebottles, etc, etc), was I frightened of the spiders? (made it sound like every room had a bird eating spider in it), could I give them an insight into whatever was going got happen on whatever soapie was the popular ( no, never had watched them), etc, etc.