AIBU to think that there are NO vegetables in London or the whole of the UK

[DontEattheCakeGrandma]

Ok so I am English and I think that that there are vegetables in London, England, UK and Europe in general. But IL’s, mainly MIL have been bleating on for the last 13 years that there aren’t any. At all. It normally just irritates but this time it's become part of a larger issue.

Background - IL’s and DH are Australian, we met in UK, when IL’s came to visit they would travel and eat out a lot, mainly opting for steak and chips in restaurants, when they came to ours I would cook a normal meal involving plenty of veg - so they know and have eaten vegetables in the UK (even if that was not their choice).

When DH and I were still living there they would come out with this line that there are no vegetables. We moved to Australia 8+years ago. Now at least four times a year, when sitting down to dinner with other people (never when it’s just the four of us, she needs an audience for this to work) she will bang on about their travels and that there are no veggies in England/Europe, this last time it was just London. They know this is not true, they know I find it really rude to keep going on about it. It is sure to get a rise out of me. As MIL was an English/Communications teacher she knows how offensive her phrasing is. Compare ‘There are no vegetables in your home country ('tis a miracle you didn’t die of scurvy)’ to ‘we struggled to get our five a day because we chose to stuff our faces with meat and chips’. So I think it’s deliberately done to get a known reaction.

The last time comes with a further background of birthdays and christmases being manipulated to ensure problems and upset, these are whole threads in themselves. Including organising the secret santa for all 10 grandchildren (presents bought between aunts uncles etc) but then telling my DS(6)’s secret santa not to bother getting him anything! On Christmas Day I find him crying as he watches his brother and cousins opening their presents and he has none, MIL pipes up with ‘oh I thought this might happen’.

So now they are upset at me because I am offended a lot, I got shouted at that they are ‘on tenterhooks all the time because they don’t know when they might offend me’ (try not eating my DS(5)’s birthday cake before I’ve even got to ice it grandma!)

1 So really Am I Being Unreasonable to think that they are deliberately trying to offend me/upset my children so can’t be too surprised when we're offended/hurt by them. I quite possibly Am Unreasonable, and way too sensitive, I will accept that.

2 If IANBU please give me witty responses (I don’t think they’d get the nuance of ‘did you mean to be so rude’) to cheer me up.

In regards to the vegetable thing:

"Haha! I think you're going to have to come up with a new joke now. No one is stupid enough to think there are no vegetables in Europe!"

Yes, 'I was so surprised everyone here wasn't a racist, sexist beach-dwelling bigot called Bruce or Sheila!' Amazing what people believe, isn't it!

I find Australians generally ignorant and smug.

If they visited and chose to eat their choice meal from Australia... steak and chips then its their loss.
Whenever DH and I go to the UK we love going to markets and buying veg and produce... good choice, lots of variety and good prices as well, something I find lacking in Australia.

You should ask her why basic fruit and veg costs so much since they grow it all here...

The bit with your 6yr old...thats just nasty! Why would you do that to a child?!

I like the "no electrical outlets" suggestion, see if you can think of some more like that to use :)

I grew up in Australia, half British and now live in the UK; I absolutely agree that those comments are symptomatic of "the English are useless" / "England has no culture" and other such ideas that are very prevalent.

As for the rest - yes you may need to remove yourselves to arms length in this relationship, if you can. (Sounds a tiny bit like my grandma, but we were far enough away that a minimal relationship was easy to enforce._

I find Australians generally ignorant and smug

Care to be more specific?

good choice, lots of variety and good prices as well, something I find lacking in Australia.

Certainly, if you buy out of season.

What does your husband say about all this? Personally I don't spend time with people who shout at me and treat my kid's badly (did your MiL explain why she cancelled the gift) but if you've really been getting cross at daft remarks about vegetables for years they really may see you as being perpetually offended.

So your MIL is nasty to your 6yo child ? And she's rude to you in front of other people ? Yet your husband does nothing and expects you to see her at least 4 times a year. What a prince.

He sounds unreasonable , weak and disloyal to me. What kind of husband / father sees his wife and child treated like that and does nothing ?

OP, its a thing toxic ILs do.

My MIL isn't British.

I had a thread on here about a dig she had at my American family just after Xmas. It was minor but it was deliberately rude and I don't think I had to pretend it was anything other than xenophobic.

In another bonkers convo I had with her and the rest of the family (three out of the four of whom are born and raised in the UK with British passports) she had a long rant about how awful the British 'obsession' with drinking buckets of coffee is, and asked curtly, if I walked around with buckets of coffee, while the rest of the family nodded sagely.
For context I don't drink coffee and they know this.

It. Was. A. Dig.

But to give some actual advice OP while I do understand how it is the bonkers trivial stuff that grinds you down, as it is so hard to know how to respond to such infuriatingly off the wall comments, you do need to rise above it.

And if my MIL (or any other family member) pulled that shit over Christmas presents, I would never be attending any kind of celebratory event with them every day.

I'd be strongly tempted to dump her in a field in the middle of Lincolnshire. Or Bedfordshire in sprout season.

*ever again

ethelb

Coffee? Definitely a dig, if anything it would surely be tea, wouldn't it?

MIL has made many digs as well.

My Australian auntie and my young (16?) cousin came to visit us a few years back and we went to this cute little cafe in the city I lived in, it was quite funky, the odd politician could be spotted there from time to time... it was the 90s so it was all like carrot cake and slightly too crumbly quiche and stuff. They ordered a pizza. In a cafe. It was a little homemade looking thing with yeastless dough and while they chewed through it bemusedly my cousin told me all about the great pizza you could have in Australia, where they had this great chain called Pizza Hut... that's not even the worst, my dad said when he lived out there that one of the cousins started explaining him traffic lights. Difference is though my cousins were young and didn't actually know any better. OP, your MIL is totally doing that to get a rise out of you, and the thing with the Secret Santa was really nasty.

Witty comebacks... shake your head and acknowledge that traditional British food isn't very adventurous with vegetables, then say "the thing about London is that the best food is from the cuisines of immigrants - south Asian, Chinese, Japanese, Eastern Mediterranean etc etc... but we figured that might all be a bit out of MIL and FIL's comfort zone so we took them to less adventurous places and it was just as well because all they ever ate was steak and chips!" And then I think you do the trademark Mumsnet tinkly laugh. I wish I could do the tinkly laugh. Interactions like that make me want to change the locks.

Bedfordshire in sprout season.

Perfect. She sounds like a right bitch (especially with the meanness to your six year old - why did she do such a nasty thing?).
Come back to Europe. I grew up in Australia and hope never to live there again.

This is a weird thread.

The business with the secret santa is serious.

But you started an AIBU thread about veg and other silly nonsense.

I have a family member who lives in Oz. Apparently it's all about the sport. Theve stopped mentioning it since I suggested that they should move to Yorkshire as that county did better in the Olympic Games than Oz.

Wow Strange - that's a bit extreme, why's that? (Although my husband would agree with you!)

I seriously wasn't prepared for the anti-English undercurrent when I went (having not found that elsewhere I'd travelled!). I think there's a touch of living isolated from other countries and having the "Proudly Australian"/ Australia's the best mantra/propoganda. However, there's aspects of that I like (Australia-made etc) and its a nice change to be proud of your country. There's more of a belief that "of course everyone would want to come to Australia, we're perfect" from some of my relatives/those I met. There were lots of lovey nice people too!

(I was shocked at how expensive even basic vegetables/seasonal food was in Australia. We looked at a cost of living comparison and for us it was a lot more expensive for basics over there. I know some jobs translate to a lot higher wages so it evens out for some!)

I have no problem with Australia or Australians in general, I have a problem with the in laws sooo very typical and I have a DH problem, we've spoken told him I don't trust him to make sure his parents don't hurt our children ever again and I will leave him to protect them

Lol, I live in NZ and I get banter about England all the time. Kiwis and Australians are basically the same although they would rather die than admit it.

If a Kiwi starts rallying me about poor English food I say a) they got ripped off or b) there are other things to do than eat, ie, there there are actually things to do.

It took me a while not to get wound up: they can spot that a mile off.

However, OP, surely you will admit that Antipodean fruit and veg is superior?

That's true - wrt secret santa, that really isn't on :(

I was just pointing out that the vegetable digs/etc may not be them being "evil in laws" but typical of a common belief pattern that's hard for them to change.

Come back to Europe. I grew up in Australia and hope never to live there again.

High five, Strange!

I'd prepare Powerpoint slides starting with the fruit and veg aisles in British supermarkets, pictures of traditional British food with vegetables and then ending with a couple of slides about prison ships and how all Australians are convicts so cannot be trusted. Do a full presentation every time they go on about veg in the UK. They will soon shut up.

@echt

Pretty sure I was clear in what I said. Ignorant and smug.

But you can read what Geraldthegiraffe wrote.... makes my point give or take a sentence or two.

"Things to do in the UK other than eat (or play sport).

Oh and Australians often think they're the height of cool when in fact they're still 20 years behind as they've always been. At least Kiwis don't make that mistake.

I find it surprising that there is this attitude that the English don't eat vegetables. We have such a culture of allotments and showing veg at village shows!

It's true though.