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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Serious work issues!

54 replies

Againagain97 · 17/01/2017 06:36

I was lucky enough to find a job really close to home.....

This is a massive plus point.

I love the type of work.

But, their "management" skills are ZERO.

The managing director is living in the age of the old school "I can literally shout and scream at you, I own you" era.

At interview, I was asked "what is the one thing that turns you "off" in the office"

My response was "aggression", I was assured no aggression was present in the office .........total bollocks!

I've raised my concerns, received apologies, been given a large bonus (bribe) but I feel I'm losing my self respect and dignity.

Two others in the office, desperate to leave but they just can't, the skill sets they have are not sought after and they cannot find new jobs.

I'm In a different position, I could easily obtain further employment, my skills are sought after.

But, been there less than one year, not great on a CV, although I could easily explain away. Although, this has rocked me, supposing my next employer is worse? I left a job I'd been in five years, for something closer to home and more varied work.

An example, I had to drop off some work to the managing director, this work had not been requested but I got an urgent text at 7am from her assistant saying could I drop off as they needed it for the meeting. I went in early, prepped the stuff, took it round to her to take to the meeting.

Her husband opened the door, wished me happy new year. I took the items into the kitchen and was met with an absolute tirade of screaming! Things beyond my control, one thing I had not "followed up" on, fair enough speak to me in a civil manner about that! But honestly, she was eating her cornflakes whilst shouting at me, spitting them everywhere. Her husband left the room.

Now this is about the sixth time (at least) since I've been there. When she calms down I'll get an apology, but I don't want to work under these circumstances. It's not fair and I work REALLY hard.

In my appraisal it was massively positive, they acknowledged that targets would not have been met without me.

But then, it's a hissy fit "whys this not done", because you said this was more important and you wanted this done first! Honestly, the unreasonableness is beyond belief.

Loads of MI data will also be requested and not used, wasting time etc. But it's a control thing, (I think) I say do it, so you do it. Then I won't bloody well look at it.

They acknowledge we are massively understaffed, trying to recruit qualified staff, but that's difficult. I also feel a level of guilt at someone else having to work like this.

I get paid a decent wage, slightly more than the going rate (maybe £3k) but the benefits are shocking. Lots of small companies start with poor benefits, but are massively reasonable once they know you and realise that you are flexible and will reciprocate! It's now clear that even if I did 100 hours extra a week, it would be "oh great" one day and then another mad rant the next day!

I'm a professional, I should just be walking away shouldn't i?

Although (stupidly) I feel a level of guilt as this would really leave them in the shit!

Arghh!!!!!

OP posts:
youarenotkiddingme · 17/01/2017 07:46

Yeah leave. Your going above and beyond and receiving a use for it.

It's not worth it and will be damaging you in ways you've may not noticed yet.

TheLittleFoxes · 17/01/2017 07:48

Oh this thread is timely! I am in a similar situation with a boss who completely rules the roost - no HR department to answer to sadly - and keeps changing the goal posts. Nothing is ever good enough. She doesn't shout but can still be unpleasant and treats us all like naughty children. There's no respect or trust but she's more than happy to take her pound of flesh and more. I feel ground down and need to get out but like your colleagues am struggling to find something else suitable.

She's not going to change. Leave while you still have your sanity!

ChuckSnowballs · 17/01/2017 07:51

In my case, i have made it plain that she is an abuser, they almost take it as a badge of honour. You can't reason with them.

Againagain97 · 17/01/2017 07:56

Thelittlefoxes

Spot on! Nothing is ever good enough ......ever!!!!!

To previous PPs, it's so draining!

We have a "planning meeting" next week, we are massively understaffed, but it will be moan, moan, shout, rant! Forgetting that on the 31st December, we achieved (through a 1000 extra hours I worked) above and beyond the expectation!

I literally dread these meetings and feel sick at the though of having to defend and fight against total unreasonableness!!

I may keep quiet until the meeting, but if one bit of raised or aggressive voices are heard, I will ask to leave the meeting.

Is that the right thing to do?

OP posts:
LeninaCrowne · 17/01/2017 07:58

I would look for a new job now and get out ASAP. If you leave it, and you become really desperate to leave, it wrecks your confidence, and at interview they can 'smell' desperation to leave.

Try and emphasize that you are looking to widen opportunities/experience if ask why leaving within 1 year.

Good luck

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent · 17/01/2017 08:00

"I'm a professional, I should just be walking away shouldn't i?
Although (stupidly) I feel a level of guilt as this would really leave them in the shit!"

Your own words. you know what you should do. If you don't walk you are not being a professional. The mire they will suffer will be of their own making.

I know this because you could have been describing my father and his management style. He was a dinosaur and the world of work is better off without him.

Piffpaffpoff · 17/01/2017 08:14

Leave. ASAP. She will never change. Your posts are giving me flashbacks to my extremely similar situation over 10 years ago.

In terms of the planning meeting, I don't think there is any point trying to make a point about any aggression. Get looking for a new job and keep your head down until you get one. Don't give her any reason to target you, which she will - you are rejecting her and her company so she will take it very personally. I didn't (had an informal chat with HR about mine) and she scrabbled around until she found something very tenuous to make a formal complaint about me. It got very messy.

Oh, and when you do resign, she might get even worse. And expect her to hold you to the very last minute of your notice period. it's all about control.

Best of luck!

ChuckSnowballs · 17/01/2017 08:21

I may keep quiet until the meeting, but if one bit of raised or aggressive voices are heard, I will ask to leave the meeting.

I walked out after one such meeting and never went back. Got a fortnight off on work related stress, and resigned so that I never had to go back.

LadyTmalia · 17/01/2017 08:23

She cant "sack" you for no reason either. That would be unfair dismissal!

Good luck job hunting, you need to leave!

ChuckSnowballs · 17/01/2017 08:24

She cant "sack" you for no reason either. That would be unfair dismissal!

Yes she can and no it wouldn't.

The OP has been there less than one year.

In my experience, they only sack people if they stand up to them/get them on their own policies/out them in public. Much easier to walk away.

Tonkinese · 17/01/2017 08:28

Take a look for similar situations on the website AskAManager - you can see what advice the HR manager gives there, and how it worked out for the people involved.

Trifleorbust · 17/01/2017 08:30

Life is too short to work for people like this. If you are unhappy, resign. The company is too small for dealing with bullying behaviour through a formal process, as you would in a multinational or the public sector.

picklemepopcorn · 17/01/2017 08:38

You sound as though you are in a strong position. Definitely sort your CV and look for other positions. In the meantime, building on what Rhubarb said... Ask for a meeting with her (and another senior colleague?). Remind her you work well and do a good job. Tell her you will not be subjected to aggression and raised voices, and that each time she does it you will ask her to stop and then walk away.

The company has a duty of care to its employees, and that sounds like a toxic environment. Contractually, you won't have been there long enough to have any protection but it is still a valid issue.

Tiredbutfuckingfine · 17/01/2017 10:17

OP you asked "shouldn't I try to sort this out?" no!!!!!"
I've been there, I tried to sort it out. It nearly finished me off, ruined my health and of course I was the bad guy who was forced to leave.
You really need to divorce your professionalism from her behaviour. She would act like this with Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Lakshmi Mittal, Karren Brady, whoever. Unless you are a shareholder, this is not your job to sort out. The other staff are not your kids to guide and assist.
Run run run away as fast as possible, stop engaging with the company/her by trying to help/do/sort out. You are too professional for them! Why should you work under these circumstances?

AgainAgain97 · 17/01/2017 20:47

Well..... I contacted one agency today, it's a start.

I've to update my CV over the weekend.

Honestly, the unreasonableness is just totally beyond belief.

I have laughed with the PPs who said about the cornflakes rant though! I would ordinarily have stood with my mouth open at the unreasonableness of it, but clearly with that many cornflakes flying around it was best to keep my mouth shut!

OP posts:
BurleyBob47 · 17/01/2017 21:35

I actually felt nauseous reading this as a lot of bad memories from over 10 years ago came flooding back. Worked with a complete psycho. Small example. Sat with him, talking and taking notes. Rips pen out of my hand and tells me to just listen. Another meeting. Sat listening. Asked why I was not taking notes.
These psychos mess with your head and turn your professionalism against you. You are proud of your work and rightly so but for them it's never enough. You owe them nothing.
I wish I had had the nerve to just say "I refuse to be spoken to like that. This conversation is over. You have my email." and then walk out.
I hope you sort this out. They obviously don't know how lucky they are to have you.

Allthewaves · 17/01/2017 21:47

If she starts screaming at meeting I would just stand up, gather my stuff and walk out. If she asks why then reply in a calm voice that you are not paid to be shouted at and iv had enough.

OnTheUp13 · 17/01/2017 21:47

I was sacked from a very similar boss a few months ago OP. I challenged him over the phone when I found out he had been telling people "I was struggling since giving birth" Hmm that wasn't the case. Since having my daughter I realised that I'm not going to be shouted at or called whenever you desire. E.G. 10pm on a Sunday night

AgainAgain97 · 18/01/2017 06:59

So we have a "planning" meeting on Tuesday (aka a hauling me over the coals, asking for tons of MI data to not look at, asking for impossible timescales blah blah) it will no doubt end in a massive ranting session.

I am DREADING it, on Sunday I'll be having the back to work "doom"!

Do I say before the meeting "if you raise your voice" I will leave the room? Do I let the raised voices start and then leave the room?

Any advice?

OP posts:
UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 18/01/2017 07:06

Yes, absolutely walk out if they start shouting!

AmeliaJack · 18/01/2017 07:25

Leave.

She can't "sack" you if you've already resigned. Just make sure she has no idea you are applying anywhere else.

If they ask you at interviews why you are leaving after so short a time just say "the culture wasn't a good fit" and smile.

When you resign the worst she can do is ask you to leave on the spot and not allow you notice. .

Allthebestnamesareused · 18/01/2017 08:42

Personally, I'd find another job before just walking out.

In the meantime any time she gives you something to do which takes you away from another task ask her straight - so I am to prioritise A over B and C then. That way if she asks where B and C are you can refer her to the conversation where you asked specifically how she wanted to prioritise.

You can ( as stated above) be let go without reason as long as the proper notice is given (or payment in lieu) as you haven't been there 2 years.

Are there definitely jobs available in your field?

Can you afford not to work for a period of time? If not, don't do anything too hasty or it is just cutting off your nose to spite your face.

JustSpeakSense · 18/01/2017 08:46

Leave.

Absolutely leave.

picklemepopcorn · 18/01/2017 17:37

How did it go, OP?

Againagain97 · 25/01/2017 08:09

Well my "meeting" has not happened yet. One of my co workers had a review on Friday, it went like this

  1. You will now be given x,y,z in addition to your current tasks
  1. We are not taking away any tasks
  1. Co-worker, can we discuss salary increase .........NO! No explanation, planning etc, just NO!

Implemented Monday, co worker in tears Monday and Tuesday.

Who wants to work in an office where someone is so upset they are crying, I have no doubt the situation will also continue with her being upset!

My meeting is presumably going to be today, although not a review it will be a "bollocking" session!

CV is being prepped, couple of job specs received!

OP posts:
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