AIBU thinking to be upset (wedding /hen night related)

[hellejuice91]

So I am getting married at the end of May to my partner of 6 years.

For various reasons I decided to have my hen night early (the beginning of October) and I invited 20 friends to a weekend in Blackpool. Knowing people had different budgets etc I made it clear that people could come for both nights, one night, just the day etc so no one felt pressured to spend more than they could afford.

I was ill for a bit chunk of last year and the hen night fell at the same sort of time as me going back to work.

As the weeks rolled up to my hen night, more and more people were cancelling. Some had out right refused to go to Blackpool, some people never even said yes or no, and then leading up there were loads of cancellations.

Some examples include 'I can't go it's my Dad's birthday' 'I can't go I've not booked a hotel room and I won't find one now'.

Anyway it got to three weeks before and it was me, my bridesmaid and my friend who is giving me away at my wedding. A friend of friend had also invited herself, her three sisters and her mum. As it was going to feel like I was crashing on their family holiday, I cancelled.

Now, I was really hurt. My friends have a bit of a history when it comes to letting me down, but I did not think they would cancel over something so important.

Now it comes to my wedding and I am fairly sure it's going to happen again. Whenever I think about my wedding all I feel is worry that there is going to be no one there for me (I don't have any family due to an abusive childhood) and the hurt and embarrassment I'm going to feel.

AIBU to think they are going to do the same again?

WIBU to make it clear how much they hurt me over the hen night?

Is there anyone who has been through the same sort of thing that has any advice?

OP I totally feel for you. I literally could have written this a few years ago for my hen. Everyone cancelled last minute despite me bending over backwards to accommodate everyone. Try and put it to one side as much as you can and focus on the reason you're having a wedding - to marry a wonderful guy!

It's shit and they shouldn't have done it but if you feel close enough to say something then do. But if it's just going to cause more stress and worry for you then they aren't worth your time. Stick with the ones who did bother and spend some lovely time with them instead.

Good luck on your wedding I'm sure you'll have a great day

I doubt very much that people will flake on your wedding, as others have said, this is very unusual and flaking on the hen does not mean they will do the same.

I wish you every happiness on your big day and for your life together with your soon to be DH!

mumofseveralnaughties

1. other than the outfit, you did not say they were "possible" costs.

2. yes some people, myself included, will buy an outfit for a wedding or hen do. This is my choice to incur this cost. The bride is not imposing it. If I couldn't afford to buy a new outfit I wouldn't, but I wouldn't buy one then blame the bride for costing me money.

3. generally people give gifts. Again, I don't see the the OP is requiring a gift or that she has said anything about the cost. I don't care if our wedding guests get us presents or not, they are welcome to attend either way. I certainly hope no one will feel financial stress to buy us a gift, I would be mortified. If you want to go to a wedding but can't spare a gift, don't get a gift.

4. obviously I have no idea what time they finish work on a Friday, however I have read the original post which makes it clear no one had to go on the Friday. Saturday daytime only was an option so your comment about Friday off work was a total red herring.

And yes you have tried to exaggerate the cost of attending what sounds like a relatively modest hen do to make a point to the OP about why people have dropped out. I think it would have been possible for people to go far more cheaply than you have suggested.