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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be sick of my ultra healthy friend

98 replies

LeFemme1 · 15/01/2017 12:14

Whatever I buy she has a problem, I brought the dc Krispy Kreme s as a treat and she says her dc are not allowed trans fats. This is repeated when it comes to things I myself or my dc eat.

I had the biscuits out when she was here and when I had one she started ranting about the preservatives and sugar in them and how sugar is addictive like drugs. This is repeated with alcohol on a night out as well.

Aibu to tell her, her advice is not needed.

OP posts:

joystir59 · 15/01/2017 13:39

All this insanity about food choices gets on my wick a bit in a world where loads of people are hungry. Its just getting ridiculous IMO.
It isn't a virtue to be thin, and it isn't a crime to be overweight.

TheMartiansAreInvadingUs · 15/01/2017 13:40

joy I fully disagree with you about the idea that stating you are a vegetarian would be rude when you are at friends.

If you truly believe that eating meat is a NO-NO, whatever the reason, then so be it. What would be rude is for others to refuse to listen to you, say it's a faddy diet and force you to eat meat.
However, going on about how it's awful for other people to eat meat and they should never do that blabla. Now THAT would be rude.

EstelleRoberts · 15/01/2017 13:40

She's being rude, sanctimonious and very boring. If she's that obsessed and rigid, she likely has a disordered relationship with food, or problems with perfectionism in general. Next time she harps on, I would be tempted to explain you follow an 'everything in moderation' approach, and do not want to make food an issue. Tell her you would rather she didn't mention it again, as you are trying not to model perfectionism to your children, as it can be damaging and disabling.

joystir59 · 15/01/2017 13:42

PurpleDaisies

Yes, I eat meat at other people's houses. I would eat anything edible served to me. That is good manners. I've travelled all over the world and lived in several countries. I think in the privileged West we have become over fussy about 'lifestyle and diet'. Food is good. Much much better than no food.

TheMartiansAreInvadingUs · 15/01/2017 13:43

But joy in the case we are talking about it's not bout being thin or overweight. It's about health and the impact of our diet on our current and future health.
It's about looking after yourself not trying to follow whatever standard on weight magazines are imposing on us.

I wish there was much more emphasis on diet and how it affects your health and your life. Because we know it does, way above the 'if you eat too much sugar you will develop type 2 diabetes'.
Even stress has finally been recognised as a major factor in strokes no heart attacks. When are we going to tell people that they also need to have a better balanced lifestyle and need to learn how to relax? For their own sake.

joystir59 · 15/01/2017 13:46

TheMartians Well, I absolutely hate making an issue over a dietary preference. I am lucky in that I can eat any edible food, the only exception being an allergic reaction to brazil nuts, easily avoided. I prefer eating meat when dining at someone's house to avoid putting them out in any way at all. I would never criticise anyone's food choice.

ClaryIsTheBest · 15/01/2017 13:47

Well, I don't eat things with added sugar (I do eat fruits but not cookies, for example)
and I usually don't drink (on New Years, Christmas and very few similar occasions).

But I wouldn't lecture DH or other friends about their choices!

SymbollocksInteractionism · 15/01/2017 13:49

martians
The OP hasn't criticised her friend for not allowing her DC biscuits etc, she is annoyed at her friend for continually criticising and passing comment on what the OP's children eat. The friend could just say no thanks and leave it at that.
I agree that it is best to eat natural foods, however everything in moderation and nothing should be banned including donuts or biscuits.

joystir59 · 15/01/2017 13:49

TheMartians I think OP is complaining about a friend imposing her own dietary strictures. Her friend sounds very stressed! I agree with eating less fat sugar salt and more veg and all the healthy stuff, and that we can sometimes n=be in a position where we can gently encourage someone in that direction. But I am totally against making anyone feel shite about themselves.

PurpleDaisies · 15/01/2017 13:52

Yes, I eat meat at other people's houses. I would eat anything edible served to me. That is good manners
You are not a vegetarian then.

A good host asks whether there's anything guests don't eat or don't like.

Mabelface · 15/01/2017 13:57

With your friend, if she was criticising something that you were about to eat, I'd smile, take a huge bite and say "yep, and it tastes sooooo good"

unlucky83 · 15/01/2017 13:57

YANBU ...I would tell her to shut up -
or better wind her up ...point how how unhealthy or ecologically unsound something she enjoys is...give her a lecture on it...
(It could be strawberries/tomatoes from Spain/Morocco draining the water table...or pesticides in apple skins (unless she always buys organic) etc etc - I am sure there is something you could find...)

See how that makes her feel...that should make her think twice about passing comment.
Also she is probably 'protesting too much' - trying to convince herself more than you cos she is struggling to stick within her own rules -she would love a krispy kreme but has to stop herself eating it....so has to be negative about them.

Not judging but I really can't stand iced doughnuts - anything with so much icing/sugar any more. Same with cakes covered in thick roll-out icing. I think really sweet things are an acquired taste ... you get used to that degree of sweetness. Since I cut down on them/sugar in general I really don't like them - they make me feel queasy. So I do try and not give things like that to my DC so they don't get used to it. I found the same with salt -the more salt you eat the less you can taste it, the more you 'need'...
Having said that, although my DCs are fine, I'm overweight - on the verge of having an obese BMI. Give me something savoury - cheese and biscuits or nice bread or crisps/tortilla chips - and I can shift an excessive amount ....no feeling queasy then!

AndHoldTheBun · 15/01/2017 14:02

I agree with your friend - No tranfats and no Krispy Kreme (they are utterly vile, try reading the ingredients list, they are not even real donuts IMO).

HOWEVER I wouldn't dream of commenting on someone else's food choices unless I was asked/that was the topic of discussion. If I'm offered something at someone's house and I don't want to eat it, I'd just say "no thanks." There's no need to be offensive about it, as your friend certainly was.

KeepCalm · 15/01/2017 14:03

Urgh I have a horribly boring gym freak friend. Good for her but I work >80hrs per week and would have issues leaving my kids home alone just to get a gym fix

Tell her to jog on....

AFierceBadRabbit · 15/01/2017 14:04

Bottom line is, it seems a pretty rude thing to do, to comment on someone elses food or how they eat. Rude and inappropriate. If a friend carried on this way around me I'd possibly think she was developing issues.

I eat fairly healthy stuff, try to make considered choices, and I too believe sugar ain't a good thing, but the idea of telling anyone not to eat a fucking small treat seems a bit ott.

I like the occasional freddo it must be said. If anyone so much as tried to put a wedge between me and my occasional freddo they'd wish they'd never been born.

GimmeeMoore · 15/01/2017 14:06

I know someone who lost a lot of weight,and became a crushing bore as result
Habitually droning on about everyone else food choices, oh complex carb tsk
They expect others to share their evangelical hatred of carbs and eschew the bread basket

Hulababy · 15/01/2017 14:07

She'd make me want to do it even more just to wind her up!

Hate the nonsense spouted constantly. God knows how many of us managed to grow up okay thinking about some of the stuff that was commonplace in the past.

Yes some of it is sensible and good for us. But much is utter nonsense for naive people to get ripped off buying expensive alternatives and books, and gem to then need to feel the need to preach to the world. I'm sure it's all just meant to suck the joy out of food and drink.

AFierceBadRabbit · 15/01/2017 14:12

Got me to thinking: it's the new thing to look down on isn't it? People's food choices. Allows those with nothing better to do to make assumptions about morality and class.

And what is 'healthy'? Try to seriously define this shit.

Is anyone, ever truly 100% healthy? It's like food consumption and 'health' have become some sort of replacement for those old religious virtues of judging who is living a morally superior/inferior lifestyle,etc.

It's like saying that a person who never smoked can't ever get unwell. A false sense of security, which let's face it, won't give us immortality. We're all gonna die. Some of us will have had a crispy creme, a freddo, a cigarette, a glass of wine.

Just do your best and be moderate:)

HopefullyAnonymous · 15/01/2017 14:20

I agree with your friend, but then I'd never give my children a doughnut as a treat/reward. I think treating unhealthy foods as treats just sets you up for a lifetime of problems as they do ultimately end up being seen as a reward to which we are entitled. I have really struggled in the past with my weight/treats, and I now have to be completely disciplined because I still sometimes feel like I've earned a nice treat after a tough day. I know I'd struggle if everyone else was stuffing their faces with doughnuts; maybe she's the same?

If you're friends, why can't you just talk to her about it?

AverysillyoldHector · 15/01/2017 14:24

Tell your friend she needs to brush up on her nutritional knowledge. There aren't any trans fats in Krispy Kremes

dangermouseisace · 15/01/2017 14:27

I'd tell her that although you appreciate her concern, you are making an informed choice about what you eat and although she feels that you are making 'bad' choices, they are your choices and you don't need lecturing!

frumpet · 15/01/2017 14:28

Nailed it !

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 15/01/2017 14:34

She sounds like a PITA. I would tell her I really do NOT want to hear her self righteous opinions, and if she persisted, would quietly drop her.

The occasional Krispy Kreme or whatever else junky is fine if it IS just now and then. And FWIW it's often the kids who are never allowed anything that isn't organic quinoa/broccoli, etc. are the very ones who go mad for forbidden 'fruit' once they're away from the eagle mother eye.

Wdigin2this · 15/01/2017 14:35

Booody hell we all try to be healthy, but she would be driving me bonkers.....just tell her, you appreciate her views on life, but your life is yours, so stfu!

StiffenedPleat · 15/01/2017 14:36

YABU

Trans fat eaters can only be friends with other trans fat eaters.

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