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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never iron DH clothes again.

69 replies

hanban89 · 15/01/2017 00:02

The ironing pile was building and building as we've had a very busy couple of weeks. Today I took it all to work with me (I'm self employed and it's quiet this time of year) and I ironed the lot. I have to iron professionally through the shop so I put stuff on hangers and put clothes liners on them.
I asked DH if he could bring it in from the car as I had my hands full when I got home. So he did and I thought he had taken it straight upstairs. I just went into the hall to come to bed and it was lying in the basket messily. Even the stuff on hangers so it's all crumpled. I spent 2 fucking hours ironing everything including all his casual and work shirts. I just feel really fucked off and need to vent. It's DDs birthday party tomorrow so I've cleaned all downstairs and just feel stressed out.

OP posts:
Dogivemeabreak · 15/01/2017 01:18

I've been married for 40 odd years and I don't iron for my husband. First week were married I did the washing and ironing to be told I didn't iron like his mother did. He was told to take his ironing to his mother then and I've never touched it since.

Parker231 · 15/01/2017 01:23

Why do you do his ironing?

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/01/2017 02:22

I firmly believe that if men didn't have women to skivvy after them, all men's clothes would be no-iron. I swear it's only because of women that they are still such a pain.

I don't iron.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 15/01/2017 02:30

It's irrelevant who else irons what in their homes.

You spent hours doing something, which your H then trashed, knowingly. No adult thinks it's fine to do that with ironing, he just could be arsed to hang it up, like he couldn't be arsed to put things away when you'd tidied cupboards out etc. He has NO respect for you or your time.

If it were me, he'd be finding some & fucking quickly or he'd be finding himself single again.

midsummabreak · 15/01/2017 07:37

I believe it is relevant who else irons for their DH, as sometimes, if something is always done for you, you take it for granted.

noschooll4mee · 15/01/2017 08:00

Why are you feckin ironing for him?
A. Does he have a specific disability that stops him using an iron ?
B. Were you born to be an unpaid laundress for anyone with a penis?
C. It's just the random way the equal division of labour has worked out in our house .
If your answer is A.... tell him it's time to send out to ironing service
If your answer is B .... tell him it's time to send out to an ironing service or do it himself .
If your answer is C ....tell him it's time to send out to ironing service or it is time to swap a job in your equal division of labour .

SVJAA · 15/01/2017 08:03

That would have pissed me off too! Both of us iron, it depends who needs what and when. If I'm busy he'll do his work stuff and the kids uniform and vice versa, but just chucking carefully ironed stuff into a pile would wind me right up!

HardcoreLadyType · 15/01/2017 08:13

We have someone who comes to do the ironing, but there are usually some bits that I need to do (school uniform, etc). I will usually iron easy stuff, and leave trickier stuff for our ironing person, so that might include DH's jeans, along with all the other jeans.

However, a couple of years ago, DH said, "if I get out the ironing board, could you iron this shirt?" And I said "if you get out the ironing board, you could iron that shirt." He managed without the shirt Hmm but hasn't asked me to iron his stuff, since.

He also used to say, "have I got a pair of jeans?" and I would check for him. But more recently I will say, "I don't know, you'll have to look", so he doesn't ask anymore.

Anyway, YANBU, of course.

ConvincingLiar · 15/01/2017 08:19

Zero housework from his is really not on (unless you have a massive drip feed about how he does all the shopping/cooking/some other v time consuming tasks or he doesn't have any arms). I'd write a list of jobs in the house/for the family and how long they take per week/month then try and divide them fairly. Look at how much 'free' time you have. Don't count your whole day if you have a toddler - I think it's hard to work at even half speed.

WellErrr · 15/01/2017 08:28

I wouldn't be doing anything for the lazy fucker.

And don't praise him for being 'hands on' with the kids. I'm assuming they are his kids??

Original poster
hanban89 · 15/01/2017 08:30

I think he gets it from his dad. When we first met he was living at home while at uni. His mum and dad and brother all worked full time, and his mother did EVERYTHING. All the housework, cooking cleaning and ironing for all 4 adults. I thought she was a total mug, but over the last 10 years I think I'm turning into that mug Confused
He always says I've got it easy as he will he up early with the kids, and we take it in turns to put them to bed, help get them ready for school. A mum I know who works 3 jobs has 3 kids and a husband who does not even help with kids and does nothing at all, not even if asked, so I think I compare myself to that and think yea he probably is doing more than others.

OP posts:
Original poster
hanban89 · 15/01/2017 08:37

Yes they are his kids. We've been together 10 years, married for 7, and have a 5yo and almost 2yo.
I think because he works full time and I'm part time I should do more, but it's hard going with the toddler around to get everything done, so I usually end up doing a lot when they are in bed.

OP posts:
youcantgoback · 15/01/2017 09:00

I stopped ironing my husband's shirts a few years ago when he commented on the there still being creases! I had a 2 minute rule for each shirt so the end results wasn't perfect Smile Anyway, I'm liberated from that task now, happily. I found that he soon got into the habit of doing his own while he watched football on TV. I realised that I was waiting for his permission to stop doing it but i really didnt need it! I gave myself permission...He's perfectly capable and I dont work many hours less than him.

karigan · 15/01/2017 09:08

We don't own an iron. I don't see the point of increasing the amount of housework tasks there are when tumble drying and body heat will make them look almost exactly the same as ironed stuff.
My DH suggested we buy an iron a while ago because some stuff might need doing. I told him I disagreed and if it was a pressing issue for him he could buy one himself as he'd be doing all the ironing as it would only be his stuff anyway. No iron has appeared.

Ohdearducks · 15/01/2017 09:10

He needs to stop acting like he's doing you a favour and pull his weight around the house, I think you're right about him getting this attitude from his parents and yes you are turning in to his mum!
I strongly recommend you read wifework it will be a revelation to you.

Getnakedorgohome · 15/01/2017 09:15

One benefit of having a military husband is never being expected to do any ironing. Your dh's behaviour was rude and (probably) thoughtless. If it takes so little effort in his mind he won't mind doing his own, will he?

It doesn't sound like housework is divided very fairly in your house, in our house dh works (more than) full time but when he's here that time is spent evenly. So I'll do the majority during the day as I don't work (with the 'help' of 2yo and 4yo). But in the evening if, say, the kitchen needs tidying and laundry needs hanging up/ironing doing/lounge tidying then we split these tasks and sit down to relax at the same time.

GelfBride · 15/01/2017 09:19

When first married my DH proclaimed he had the wrong shaped pelvis for ironing. I suggested he go Argos and get a different shaped board then. He does it all now. Tough love. Grin

RandomMess · 15/01/2017 09:23

My iron has only been used for HAMA beads and a few of my work dresses for the last 15 years

Sounds like other labour division needs looking at, you should have equal leisure time, do you?

Excelsior1664 · 15/01/2017 09:32

Wow ! I didn't realise anyone ironed their mans clothes these days. It's not normal I haven't had another person iron my shirts since I left home !

bluechameleon · 15/01/2017 09:47

The lack of ironing is not your problem, it's that your DH thinks your time is less valuable than his. You should both be getting the same amount of leisure time. If there is work to be done in the evening then you both do it until it is done then sit down together.

Astro55 · 15/01/2017 09:53

I firmly believe that if men didn't have women to skivvy after them, all men's clothes would be no-iron

If the uniform setters had to iron 21 shirts a week they be non-iron as well!!!

KathArtic · 15/01/2017 10:30

I don't iron for the same reason - it ends up on the floor or shoved in the wardrobe.

Get the timing right on the tumble, or better a good windy day and you don't need to iron. We have an iron for occasional use only.

Mindtrope · 15/01/2017 10:45

I don't iron.

Easy,

The iron was only invented to keep women out of politics.

Original poster
hanban89 · 15/01/2017 10:59

My leisure time is mopping the floor in the evening while DH plays FIFA.
I get on fine with MiL but she paid for his PS4 for Xmas so he could get some down time after work and kids. I'm actually close to tears today. He is in a strop because of me moaning about the housework this morning so he is slamming doors etc. We are taking DD bowling with her wee friend for her bday shortly and I don't want it to spoil things for her. We also have the entire family round this avo so it's probably just adding to my stress ATM.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 15/01/2017 11:05

Stop doing anything for him.

I couldn't be arsed with such a sulky twat who doesn't pull his weight.