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AIBU?

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Original poster

So tired, I literally want to throttle OH

47 replies

lbsjob87 · 14/01/2017 22:12

Before anyone says anything, I am not threatening violence or putting anyone or anything at risk here, just need some input.
Is it normal to be so tired you (briefly) consider killing the person making you tired, or not!?
I posted a week or so ago about my OH who is not very good at being healthy and how I was considering leaving him if he gets much worse.
A major part of that is an ongoing cough that keeps me awake at night, plus incessant and very loud snoring. It's been going on for literally months.
He has at last promised to get a doc's appt this week to get the cough looked at, but this morning, at 4am, I was so tired and angry, I heard a voice in my head telling me to kill him just to shut him up. It's not a voice as such, more a vocalised thought, I think.
Obviously I dismissed it and put it down to being so bloody knackered all the time.
I've had no similar thoughts since and have been quite settled the rest of the day alone with the kids while OH was at work, at no point was there any risk to them today.
I woke him and told him this and he was genuinely concerned, not for him, but for me.
I had severe depression two years ago, but am now off meds and doing fine.
OH insists that those feelings are not normal, I think that lack of sleep can play all sorts of tricks with your mind and any GP will just tell me to get more sleep, or worse, kickstart the whole mental health recovery thing again which is a massive step back for me.
What do people think?
It's NOT gas lighting, he is genuinely concerned that I'm getting ill again.
Has anyone else ever felt like this? On this occasion, for context, both kids had had th D and V bug yday, got to sleep at 1.30am, his snoring woke me up at 2.15, I got back to sleep at around 3, then a massive coughing fit woke me up at 4am, which is when this episode happened.
I haven't had a full, uninterrupted night's sleep in months.

Am I in denial?

OP posts:
alafolie29 · 14/01/2017 22:16

I dunno, I often feel like that walking behind slow walkers... I wouldn't consider it a big deal but only you can decide if you think there's a problem.

Allthewaves · 14/01/2017 22:18

I wouldn't be sharing a room with him. Dh only home weekends and has had a bad back so tossed and turned last two weekends. This morning i gave up at 4am and went down to the sofa and had a blissful couple of hours before the kids appeared. Iv told him one of us is sleeping with dc next weekend (spare bed in their room).

I couldn't cope. Could you have been in a tired almost dream like dilerium after surviving on so little sleep for months then having no sleep last night

Allthewaves · 14/01/2017 22:19

i think you need to prioritise your need for sleep and work out a different arrangement

Hassled · 14/01/2017 22:20

I think you just need some sleep. You're having irrational thoughts and yes, that could be poor mental health or it could be exhaustion, and given that you're currently not sleeping enough I'd say exhaustion is a far more likely explanation. Is there a spare room if you juggle kids for a few nights? Is there a comfy sofa or can you buy/borrow an airbed for the sitting room floor, just for long enough to see if things improve once you've slept?

hairypaws · 14/01/2017 22:22

When my dh has a cough he volunteers to sleep on the couch as I'm a very light sleeper. I don't return the favour though, as I'm a little bit selfish.

WorraLiberty · 14/01/2017 22:25

Why would you wake him up, to tell him you've just heard a voice in your head, telling you to kill him? Shock

I don't know if it's normal or not (probably, considering how tired you are)

But waking him up to tell him that is quite another matter entirely.

ageingrunner · 14/01/2017 22:28

He should offer to sleep elsewhere if he is constantly waking you up. Do you have a spare room?

Dragongirl10 · 14/01/2017 22:32

l think the secret to a happy marriage with a snorer is seperate sleeping arrangements.
My DH snores really badly and l am a light sleeper, when we first lived to gether l got so tired l drove off the road, falling asleep on the way to work...l was very lucky not to kill anyone or myself..from then on on weekdays l slept in the spare room.

We still go to bed together but one or the other then decamps......it is bliss to be able to sleep in peace...when staying away where there is only one bed, l have even taken a blow up mattress and slept in a quiet corner/ living room etc.

If we didn't have a spare room, l would still move to the sofa or an airbed.

Can you not do this?

Original poster
lbsjob87 · 14/01/2017 22:32

No spare room. I didn't wake him up and say "Here, guess what, a funny thing just happened".
I woke him up to get him to shut the fuck up so I could sleep.

OP posts:
Original poster
lbsjob87 · 14/01/2017 22:34

He is going to sleep on the sofa again tonight, hopefully I will get enough sleep to not feel quite so murdery in the morning.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 14/01/2017 22:36

"I heard a voice in my head telling me to kill him just to shut him up. It's not a voice as such, more a vocalised thought, I think.
Obviously I dismissed it and put it down to being so bloody knackered all the time.
I've had no similar thoughts since and have been quite settled the rest of the day alone with the kids while OH was at work, at no point was there any risk to them today.
I woke him and told him this and he was genuinely concerned, not for him, but for me.

I'm confused then Confused

What did you mean?

IMurderedStampyLongnose · 14/01/2017 22:38

There's nothing abnormal about this at all.My DH was just diagnosed with sleep apnoea after me begging him to go to the doctors for years.he makes so much noise and disturbs me so much I actually wanted to stab him,but I was wrecked.Sleep deprivation is torture,get him on the sofa!

SusieOwl4 · 14/01/2017 22:44

I use really good earplugs otherwise I would probably do the same . On the other hand a work colleague had a mini stroke caused by sleep apnea . Make sure your partner gets thoroughly checked out. But I do sympathise . I am lucky I just go to another room if the earplugs don't work .

Original poster
lbsjob87 · 14/01/2017 22:45

WorraLiberty - what do you mean, what do I mean?

Did you read the bit where I explained about my prefix mental health issues?
We're literally just coming out of that recently, he's worried I'm relapsing.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 14/01/2017 22:49

You said I woke him up and told him this

Then you said I didn't wake him up and say "Here, guess what, a funny thing just happened"
I woke him up to get him to shut the fuck up so I could sleep

So did you tell him you heard a voice in your head telling you to kill him or not?

ImperialBlether · 14/01/2017 22:49

Lack of sleep is one of the worst things for mental health. Tell him he's on the sofa for now and needs to see a doctor next week to get some help with his cough and his snoring. He's not allowed back in your bed until both have stopped.

FurryLittleTwerp · 14/01/2017 22:51

Coughing & snoring could be catarrh with a postnasal drip. Beconase might help.

My 'D'H disturbs my sleep & I'm bloody knackered. There's the usual bouncing around & snoring, but he also has fucking irritating bedtime habits.

I go to bed around 11pm. He then comes up "for a rest" & lies fully clothed on his side with the bedside light on. I read for a bit & switch off my bedside light.

Some time later, often 2-3am or so, he decides to go back downstairs to finish his pint, watch television, do stuff on the laptop, piss about generally for a while (sometimes this wakes me) & then comes back to bed "to sleep" around 4-5am. This always wakes me & I don't get back to sleep properly till the alarm goes off at half six.

He always asks "are you awake?" as he comes back in, which wakes me up if the stampeding elephant noise hasn't already - if I ignore him, I'm awake anyway, if I say "I am now" he starts trying to have an involved conversation till I tell him to shut up.

Bloody torture. I want to sleep in the other room but he won't have it and if I moved in there I expect he'd still come in & disturb me because he's like that

Sad Angry

SheSparkles · 14/01/2017 22:52

OP I know exactly what you mean, and I would be a bit concerned for you because extreme tiredness is a trigger for me to go on a bit of a slide towards a "depressive episode". These are my words, I mean a spell where I struggle mentally rather than full blown depression-which I have a history of.
Make sure your dh keeps that appointment and just keep an eye on yourself

GasLightShining · 14/01/2017 22:56

OP - you have my full sympathy. I sleep badly as it and then with his bloody snoring

Crumbs1 · 14/01/2017 23:03

Pineapple juice is proven to be more effective than most cough remedies.

bloodyteenagers · 14/01/2017 23:10

My mental health is fine. I think. Not sure.
But anyway it was affected by
Lack of sleep. With ex I had lots of irrational thoughts about killing him or hurting him. He was a snorer, a cougher, loud farter
And one of those that turned over with a bang.
I'm a light sleeper.
So during the night I would finally get to sleep and one or more of the above would wake me. The turning was worse with an old matteress as I would also move.
I would get pissed off and go and sleep downstairs on the settee.
He would get the hump and say why not just wake me? You know like I didn't ever try. The turning thing was worse when he was pissed off.
So I would be sleep deprived, trying to wake the fucker up and I would start having these thoughts. How much tension would I need to kick him off the bed so he would fall on the floor, should wake him up and I would pretend to be asleep.
Wonder how much hair I could pull to get him to wake up.
Wonder if my elbow would get through his flab to a rib that should wake him up.
Did the pillow on the face work? Could say I was downstairs. Of course my DNA and prints were everywhere.

Never told him though. Maybe I should have. And no he's not my ex because I carried them out. I was extremely sleep deprived and desperate for sleep. I normally could cope with sleep deprivation. I have 4 kids one who only sleeps a couple of hours and I'm on his sleep pattern, had been for years . But this was extra and I couldn't cope. I also sat at times crying, proper sobbing for sleep. Sad eh? But when you've had an average of 10 hours a week over a period of time it really does get to you. Couldn't use plugs because I wouldn't hear the kids and he slept through everything.
And that's what I put it down to. Lack of sleep.
Never underestimate how much lack of sleep fucks you up. The irrational thoughts. The voices, well not voices it's your own voice. The hallucinating. The paranoia. I really did think I had lost it.

He needs to see a gp to get himself sorted which will help you. And until then he's banished to the sofa.

HeWoreAGirlsCardigan · 14/01/2017 23:12

Sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture for a reason OP. Get soe sleep and you will be fine. Get lots.

dingdongdigeridoo · 14/01/2017 23:12

You poor thing. Sleep is so important to good mental health. I know that disturbed sleep can put me in a depressive state worse than anything.

I think you're going to have to spend some nights apart until he sees a doctor. Get a decent air bed and take it in turns. A few hours in an air bed is better than no sleep at all.

HeWoreAGirlsCardigan · 14/01/2017 23:13

some sleep

sobeyondthehills · 14/01/2017 23:14

When I mention my insomnia to a friend of mine and say how I try and avoid naps. She often mentions that there is a reason they use sleep deprivation as a torture method.

You are probably having these thoughts because of no sleep and you might need to find a solution to make sure you both get sleep. When my partner snores really badly, I make him go sleep on the sofa, or I will go.