So tired, I literally want to throttle OH

[lbsjob87]

Before anyone says anything, I am not threatening violence or putting anyone or anything at risk here, just need some input.
Is it normal to be so tired you (briefly) consider killing the person making you tired, or not!?
I posted a week or so ago about my OH who is not very good at being healthy and how I was considering leaving him if he gets much worse.
A major part of that is an ongoing cough that keeps me awake at night, plus incessant and very loud snoring. It's been going on for literally months.
He has at last promised to get a doc's appt this week to get the cough looked at, but this morning, at 4am, I was so tired and angry, I heard a voice in my head telling me to kill him just to shut him up. It's not a voice as such, more a vocalised thought, I think.
Obviously I dismissed it and put it down to being so bloody knackered all the time.
I've had no similar thoughts since and have been quite settled the rest of the day alone with the kids while OH was at work, at no point was there any risk to them today.
I woke him and told him this and he was genuinely concerned, not for him, but for me.
I had severe depression two years ago, but am now off meds and doing fine.
OH insists that those feelings are not normal, I think that lack of sleep can play all sorts of tricks with your mind and any GP will just tell me to get more sleep, or worse, kickstart the whole mental health recovery thing again which is a massive step back for me.
What do people think?
It's NOT gas lighting, he is genuinely concerned that I'm getting ill again.
Has anyone else ever felt like this? On this occasion, for context, both kids had had th D and V bug yday, got to sleep at 1.30am, his snoring woke me up at 2.15, I got back to sleep at around 3, then a massive coughing fit woke me up at 4am, which is when this episode happened.
I haven't had a full, uninterrupted night's sleep in months.

Am I in denial?

When I couldn't sleep for several nights due to awful tooth pain I gave serious consideration to sawing off the right lower side of my jaw

Do what it takes (within reason!) to get some sleep, and seek psychiatric evaluation if it doesn't resolve when well-rested. Do be aware that extended lack of sleep can make you more susceptible to mental illness, though:
www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/sleep-problems/

very little makes me sadder or more angry than the convention that women are supposed to put up with needless sleep loss because of selfish men.

I don't think there is any point wondering about what is normal (i.e. whether you are ill or not) while you are definitely sleep deprived. Sleep deprivation symptoms can both trigger and mimic mental illness symptoms. Get some sleep - get him in another room for a good few nights and get as much sleep as you can. Then you can think about whether you need medical / other help.

Sorry if this has already been said... get some good earplugs? I love mine and sleep really well with them

ExP's cavalier attitude to my sleep is a huge part of why we separated. it took a while and it was accumulative. I loved him and I was prepared to put up with a certain amount of sleep deprivation for a long time; but especially after having babies I was a wreck and his refusal to do anything about it chipped away at the love over the years and in the end I had no respect for someone who could be that selfish, and that oblivious.

There is more than one night I can remember when I desperately tried to get some sleep in a shared bed and did something that "disturbed" him and he flounced off in a rage and I was supposed to feel sad and guilty and I just felt pure, blissful relief at lying in a bed on my own in the dark on the edge of sleep. That is pretty much a metaphor for how our relationship ended

Agree with all the posts about how significant sleep deprivation can be. Can you actually leave the house to sleep for one night at least, maybe more? Unless it is financially absolutely impossible (and even then I'd be looking for ways) could you check into a cheap hotel (Sunday and Monday nights are often lower priced at say Travelodge or Premier Inn) and get some proper sleep? It would mean he can't wake you, but also you can't get to him. Any reason why he couldn't look after the kids for a couple of nights while you did this?

OP i have insomnia and it sometimes means I can't understand what people are saying to me, or what I say in reply. I sometimes use the lift at work because I'm wobbly on stairs and see spiders (no idea why that happens with a dark grey set of stairs).

Sleep deprivation is torture. I think you need to sleep separately as a matter of urgency and for as long as he doesn't sort himself out. Possibly after that too.

I think it's quite possible for sleep deprivation to make you ill even without any history of illness.

Honestly I adore my whole lovely family but the day we started sleep training my dc2 was after the day I said 'I think I'm entering sleep-deprivation psychosis, I might murder you all and try and bury you under the patio'. Sleep deprivation is hell like no other, gives me the rage. Figure out how to get some sleep, poor you!

My DH suffered from a health condition that was causing him to snore. Some nights I could have cheerfully killed him. I was that tired. I'd tried ear plugs but my ears are weird. Some nights he'd go to the sofa or I would. He picked up some no-snore strips from Asda for about £4 and used them without telling me so I didn't take the piss

He woke me up after I had slept for over 10 hours straight. It was amazing.

OP, I read your other thread.

I'm no expert, but I wouldn't be surprised if sleep deprivation could tip you back into depression. The fact that he's concerned about you is a good sigh - could you utilise this to start a conversation about your concerns for him?

Other than that - I would suggest sleeping separately...how ever far you want to take that.

My Ex used to snore so loudly, I would start off nudging him gently every time he snored, then a dig in the ribs, if that didn't work a kick, and then if that failed I would pinch his nose and put my hand over his mouth...I was so incredibly angry and tired...I could never live with a snorer now, the only time I slept was when he went away on golfing holidays...

My husband snores. He sleeps downstairs without argument, though, we have a young baby who sleeps with me.

Definitely you have to address the sleep deprivation before you can determine the status of your mental health. As everyone else has said, sleep is SO important.

Does he know how bad it is? DH never believed me until I videoed him a few times on my phone.

I sleep with heavy-duty earplugs but also we are into a routine where I go to bed about an hour or more before him. If I can fall asleep before he comes to bed it's much better.

He also snores worse when he is fat out of shape and when he has been drinking.

My (happily married) sister and her DH have been sleeping separately for years because of his loud snoring. He sleeps on the sofa, no argument. Why don't you tell your DH to do the same? Sleeping in the same room is clearly torture for you, so surely he would be happy to sleep elsewhere, if you have space?

ive been with been with DH for almost 9 years now. Since we moved in together 6 years ago we've slept in seperate rooms, I am a light sleeper and he has 'busy legs' and snores like a bronchial warthog. I don't think our relationship would be as strong as it is, and may not have survived if we had to sleep in the same room.

Even now I can sometimes hear him from across the hall for me any insistence that we 'had' to sleep in the same bed is just ridiculous. My mental and physical wellbeing and the health of our relationship is far more important. Luckily OH sees the benefits and that's just how we do things, works well for us both. We do have regular conjugal visits though...
( successful as I am 30weeks preg with DC1!)

I totally understand that being pushed to the limit of sleep deprivation can cause deep dark thoughts, I've had them! I would be banishing OH to the couch or a blow up bed in living room until he sorts himself out.
Sleep is too precious, esp if you have a health condition of any kind.

As for any DP who 'wouldn't have it' re sleeping seperately, I'd be thinking they do not have my best interests in mind and I'd be taking myself off to the spare room to sleep Without disturbances-no permission required in my mind. I feel for you Furry sounds like a total nightmare x

We bought a good quality sofa bed as we don't have a spare room, and it has saved our marriage and DH's life ever since...

No, it is not normal to consider murdering someone because of a lack of sleep. People with kids and jobs deal with sleep deprivation without thinking about being a killer. Especially when it seems like if it is that bad you could just go in another room. Imagine if a man had written this OP. I'm hearing voices about murdering my wife because she snoars. Aren't I reasonable?

Hearing voices doesn't have to be 'as such'. Did it feel ice you, or intrusive / it appeared from outside you? Thinking you could kill him because you're knackered and angry is one thing, hearing a voice is another.
I'd be concerned about your mh too. What professional support did/ do you have? Obviously getting some sleep will help though.

user

Sleep deprivation makes you have irrational thoughts. There's a massive difference between having irrational thoughts, recognising them as such, never acting on them and having the mind of a murderer, who either snaps or has a drive to kill.

OP my DH has a sleep disorder combined with restless legs, and believe me, being sleep deprived is the worst feeling in the world. I come to bed and fall asleep about 10.30pm, he comes to bed at 12 and spends a whole hour trying to settle before giving up and getting up for tea and toast. He then comes back to bed at 2am, and his legs go into overdrive (think Riverdance) and at about 4am he goes into proper sleep and settles. We had a spare room until August when our DD moved back home, and our lounge is right underneath our bedroom so I'm just as disturbed underneath from him kicking the bed. It's like torture, especially as I had a head injury about 8 years ago and my brain can cope even less with being tired. Most days, I am sleepy, tired, overwhelmed and walking through fog. Meanwhile DH has a hour long sleep at work at lunchtime (he's self employed), he comes home and has another hour long sleep after eating tea and then falls asleep again around 9pm but it's me that needs to see the Dr as I'm just unreasonable and he is perfectly normal...............my only salvation is that every 3rd or 4th night, I'm so exhausted that I sleep like a brick through it all. Whenever we go on holiday, it has to have a room for me and it's total bliss for a week. I can't tell you some of the thoughts I've had over the years, I'd be ashamed to say them out loud ..................

Hearing voices just as you fall asleep/wake up are called hypnagogic and hypnopompic hallucinations. They are normal phenomena and not a sign of mental illness.

I know when I've not been getting enough sleep because I'm really irritable. I can easily imagine having evil thoughts if there was someone or something stopping me from sleeping when I was over-tired. He's the one stopping you from sleeping so he needs to sleep somewhere else.

Try making him sleep elsewhere (get an airbed and put it in the living room if you don't have a spare room.

Get at least a week of full nights' sleep.

If you still feel murder-y, consider whether your mental health needs attention but my guess is you'll be fine!