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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go where his ex went?

73 replies

UnicornButtplug · 14/01/2017 17:42

So new boyfriend (couple of months) wants to go to London for the weekend staying at his uncles. So far so good.
Sex came up in conversation and I said there is no way I would have sex in his uncles house because they might hear us.
He said they won't hear us, I have had sex there before.
Turns out he took his ex there to stay a few years ago.

So now I don't want to go. Am I being childish and unreasonable to not want to go and stay somewhere he stayed with his ex.
Part of me thinks I am because it is his family, not like he it's taking me to their favourite hotel and recreating the dates they had but I am still feeling sulky and like the shine has gone off it.

OP posts:
embo1 · 14/01/2017 18:33

Did you expect all of his relatives to move house when his last relationship ended? Did your family up sticks when your last relationship ended? Or do you think couples shouldn't visit eachother's families?

Original poster
UnicornButtplug · 14/01/2017 18:36

Not at all Embo but I didn't expect to have it thrown in my face that his ex would have sex with him in a situation that I don't feel comfortable having sex in.

OP posts:
SirChenjin · 14/01/2017 18:49

If you genuinely think that he would throw this in your face and has no tact - do you really want to be with him? He doesn't sound very nice if he would deliberately upset you.

Original poster
UnicornButtplug · 14/01/2017 18:53

I dont think he was trying to deliberately upset me, I just think he opened his mouth without using his brain. It does make me uncomfortable though that his was of persuading me to do something is, well my ex did it....
So if I didn't want to give him oral would it be OK to say, well my ex did.
How is it that different for me to say I don't want to have sex where we could be Iver heard and then he brings up that he has done overt with his ex.

Anyway I am just over thinking it now... going to bath the small people and put it put of my head.

OP posts:
Original poster
UnicornButtplug · 14/01/2017 18:54

Wow spelling mistakes galore in there. Sorry!

OP posts:
EweAreHere · 14/01/2017 19:04

Seriously? Are you 12?

Emmageddon · 14/01/2017 19:16

Hopefully he has just the one ex-girlfriend...

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 14/01/2017 19:19

So if I didn't want to give him oral would it be OK to say, well my ex did.

You are reading way, way too much into this. Shock

CMamaof4 · 14/01/2017 19:21

Why did he feel the need to tell you this? He sounds like a real wind up, x

trollspoopglitter · 14/01/2017 19:31

But he didn't say well my ex did it. He was talking about noise levels and being heard. Your objection to staying with his family is that you wanted to have sex and worried you wouldn't be able to at his uncle's because you would have been heard. And he said no, we won't be heard and I speak from experience.

Your response should have been to point out just because they didn't bring it up doesn't mean they couldn't hear it.

SirChenjin · 14/01/2017 19:57

You're putting words in his mouth.

Jealously is a seriously unattractive trait in a partner - you might want to bear that in mind in case your venting on here spills into RL.

Original poster
UnicornButtplug · 14/01/2017 20:15

Trolls I didn't want to have sex at his uncles house, that was my point.

I haven't said any of this to him because I knew I was being unreasonable, that's why I had my tantrum here instead. I will go to his uncles and have a lovely weekend of course.

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 14/01/2017 20:18

YABVU.

Do you expect his uncle to sell up, everytime he moves on from a girlfriend?

TinselTwins · 15/01/2017 19:17

So if I didn't want to give him oral would it be OK to say, well my ex did.

That's not only a massive leap, it's also a complete side step!

He obviously meant in terms of "I know the sound is fine, because I've tried and tested it", not "you need to match my ex sexually"

You are creating a problem that is not there

TinselTwins · 15/01/2017 19:20

Trolls I didn't want to have sex at his uncles house, that was my point

Well, that's not what you said to him is it?
If you said "I just don't want to have sex in your uncles house" he'ld probably have left it at that and never mentioned the ex.

But

You said you didn't want to have sex because you were worried about being heard - which implies you would like to have sex in the absense of the sound issue…. so he addressed that concern

BonnyScotland · 15/01/2017 19:42

TBH why would a conversation like that even come up ? do you plan your Sexploits before you arrive anywhere ?? however... he was very insensitive making that statement ....

Original poster
UnicornButtplug · 15/01/2017 21:02

Bonny it is his birthday on Tuesday, he has requested a naughty nurse outfit as a treat. I came on yesterday which puts that plan on hold.
I said sorry about spoiling your birthday treat.
He said don't worry, we put it on hold until l London.

I said whoa I am not having sex at your uncles, what if they heard us!
He said, they won't hear us I have had sex there before.

But anyway, grip has been gotten. Sulking is over and we will go to London and have a lovely time and he can put his naughty nurse fantasy on hold until we return.

OP posts:
BonnyScotland · 15/01/2017 22:44

it was a stupid thing for him to say... if you stat reminiscing about places you had sex... when you happen to pass' said' places.. I'm sure he'd get the message.... and understand ... it's simply good manners...

Ethylred · 15/01/2017 22:50

Nurse outfit? Massive dripfeed, that changes everything.

Of course you must shag him senseless in his uncle's house. On the stairs, in the conservatory, everywhere.

Ethylred · 15/01/2017 22:52

Oh, I forgot: on the billiard table.

Particularly on the billiard table.

BonnyScotland · 15/01/2017 23:08

ahahahaaaaaaaaa or do that lol

Sallystyle · 15/01/2017 23:16

I would feel the same.

I know my husband had sex with other people before me, that isn't an issue. However, if he mentioned he had sex with his ex round his uncles while he was talking about having sex with me there I would not be too impressed.

I don't need the visual and unfortunately that is how my brain works.

Original poster
UnicornButtplug · 16/01/2017 09:54

Ethylred the information wasn't relevant in the first post. He didn't mention what his ex was or wasn't wearing so I didn't see why it would make a difference. I only mentioned it in response to being asked why we were discussing it in the first place.

OP posts:
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