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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go where his ex went?

73 replies

UnicornButtplug · 14/01/2017 17:42

So new boyfriend (couple of months) wants to go to London for the weekend staying at his uncles. So far so good.
Sex came up in conversation and I said there is no way I would have sex in his uncles house because they might hear us.
He said they won't hear us, I have had sex there before.
Turns out he took his ex there to stay a few years ago.

So now I don't want to go. Am I being childish and unreasonable to not want to go and stay somewhere he stayed with his ex.
Part of me thinks I am because it is his family, not like he it's taking me to their favourite hotel and recreating the dates they had but I am still feeling sulky and like the shine has gone off it.

OP posts:
ConvincingLiar · 14/01/2017 17:54

He was a pillock for mentioning it though.

Original poster
UnicornButtplug · 14/01/2017 17:55

Talcott that actually made me laugh out loud.

He doesn't know I am sulking and I am getting over myself quickly.

Think I was just shocked that he thought that was how to convince me. I tend not to bring up sex I have had with other men.

OP posts:
Allthebestnamesareused · 14/01/2017 17:57

YABU to refuse to go to stay with a family member just because an ex did.

I would have more sympathy if he wanted to take you to the same hotel/holiday resort etc unless it was somewhere you wanted to go to and had instigated.

kimann · 14/01/2017 18:00

Grin yabvvvvU. Sorry!

DonaldStott · 14/01/2017 18:05

Yes. Yabvu, but you know that don't you.

bloodyteenagers · 14/01/2017 18:07

So after you split up with the ex you moved home and got rid of all the furniture and everything else you shared?

Original poster
UnicornButtplug · 14/01/2017 18:09

No bloody of course not but I wouldn't dream of saying, here's your dinner darling oh and by the way my ex fucked my brains out right here on the table.

Which isn't exactly the same..... and I do know I am being unreasonable but better to come and pout over here than have a tiff over it in real life.

OP posts:
VeryBitchyRestingFace · 14/01/2017 18:11

OK ok I am being unreasonable but really, what possessed him to say that! We have both slept with other people, I have three children and an ex husband, but really, come and have sex with me here just like my ex did.

Did he actually say the words "come and have sex with me here just like my ex did?"

MikeUniformMike · 14/01/2017 18:11

UnicornB, YANBU. He should not have referred to having sex with his ex there. Tell him you don't want to hear about that sort of thing and stop even thinking about it. You've both had sex with other people, but your fella is a bit tactless.

highlandcoo · 14/01/2017 18:11

OP just because you know he did doesn't mean you want to hear about it. Tell him he needs to keep his gob shut and give yourself a talking to, go and see his uncle and have a good time.

TinselTwins · 14/01/2017 18:11

YABU, it's his relatives house! not the bridal suite at the hotel he married in!

It's like saying "I won't visit my ILs because I'm not the first partner to meet his parents"

bonkers

HardcoreLadyType · 14/01/2017 18:11

I sort of know what you mean.

When we were first dating, DH took me to Windsor Great Park, and mentioned it was so enourmous, you could have sex there, and not be seen. So, of course I knew he had had sex there with someone else, which sort of made it a bit odd. Either we had sex, and it would be "I'm just another woman he's had sex with in Windsor Great Park" or we didn't have sex and it would be "what's wrong with me that you don't want to have sex in Windsor Great Park with me?".

Anyway, we didn't have sex that day, and we are still together more than 20 years later, so I'm not sure what that proves, if anything!

But you know YABU, really.

Original poster
UnicornButtplug · 14/01/2017 18:13

verybitchy not working for word but if you read my first post his words were....

They won't hear us, I have had sex there before.

Which amounts to the same thing doesn't it.....

OP posts:
BravoPanda · 14/01/2017 18:13

Confused Yabu.

I know a guy who used to love taking his ex fiancee to a certain hotel in the Lake District. They went many, many times. And I believe had their wedding booked there before they broke up.

He started dating a few years later, took his new gf there, proposed to her around the private lake after a few years, then they just got married there last summer.

She has no clue Blush

TinselTwins · 14/01/2017 18:14

Dh has told me he has had sex with exes at his parents house, he told me to warn me about how his mum barges in with a cuppa first thing merrily joking about how "I've seen it all before!" … so based on his experiences in the spare room with exes we keep any canoodling to the night time and have no "special snuggles" in the morning when we think nobody else is awake yet

Original poster
UnicornButtplug · 14/01/2017 18:16

I wish I had thought to use it as an excuse to not meet the in laws BTW..... I am definitely saving it up for any future relationships.

OP posts:
VeryBitchyRestingFace · 14/01/2017 18:16

verybitchy not working for word but if you read my first post his words were...

They won't hear us, I have had sex there before.

Well no, not really. The way he phrased it is less blunt.

Besides, he just said that he had sex there, not that it was with an ex. Maybe he had sex with himself on previous occasions. Grin

Original poster
UnicornButtplug · 14/01/2017 18:20

No it was definitely his ex as he elaborated.

OP posts:
sniffle12 · 14/01/2017 18:21

I'd go but agree there could have been other ways of allaying your worry about having sex there. He could just have said 'it's fine, guest room isn't anywhere near their room' or 'it's fine, they're cool about it'. Maybe it was just a case of mouth opening before thinking! Smile

PaulAnkaTheDog · 14/01/2017 18:25

Jeezo...

Lweji · 14/01/2017 18:27

You should ask him how does he know nobody heard them. They wouldn't say anything, would they?

MrsBlennerhassett · 14/01/2017 18:29

YABVU

ShowMePotatoSalad · 14/01/2017 18:29

I wish I had thought to use it as an excuse to not meet the in laws BTW..... I am definitely saving it up for any future relationships.

Alrighty then! Hmm

RocketQueenP · 14/01/2017 18:30

I went to NYC with my DH early on in the relationship. I knew he had taken his exw there once, it bothered me tbh. But I put it to the back of my head and didn't communicate it at all to him as knew it was U. We had an amazing time in the end.

Anyway, you are being U, but at the same time I doubt you are the only person to have felt like this

I also think it was crass and unnecessary to mention the actual shagging with his ex there, absolutely no need and quite thoughtless. That would bother me way more than the fact I was going somewhere he had been with his ex

Original poster
UnicornButtplug · 14/01/2017 18:32

potatosalad that was a joke.......

Thanks Rocket that is kind of how I feel. Glad you had a good time and I am sure I will too, just a bit Hmm at his lack of tack and sensitivity.

OP posts: