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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To believe parents shouldn't send their kids to school ill

81 replies

sailorcherries · 13/01/2017 16:39

Before we start, I'm not talking about a cold, cough, sniffles etc. I am talking about actual illnesses and vomiting.

I teach and the amount of children who get sent to school after throwing up that morning or over the night are ridiculous! There is a clear policy which states that your child should not return until 48hrs after the last bout. Yet day after day we have kids turn up and then sent home before lunch time because we a) find out or b) they're ill again.

Today I sent kids home because they got sent in with the bloody chicken pox. Their parents noticed the spots, knew about them, and sent them anyway under the assumption that "you only get it once so it can't be". Surely it can't just be me who would take my child to the doctor instead of school if I noticed a rash like that? They'd been there for a few days apparently.

Not only does it not help your child but it compromises the other children and staff there, some of whom will have immune disorders or may be pregnant etc.

I understand finding childcare can be hard, but actually sending an ill/infected child to school just seems so ridiculous. Aibu to be annoyed and being so annoyed by this? Obviously if spots appear at school or they get sick at school it's a different story but when they know and do nothing, it grinds my gears.

OP posts:

Catlady1976 · 13/01/2017 19:20

I always keep my DC off for 48 following sickness. For this I get notes in child's planner about attendance and a letter asking me what can they do to help me improve my child's attendance.

MerylPeril · 13/01/2017 19:37

I have a friend who sent a puking child in for a full week.
She is a regular puker (any cold etc sets her off) but she had a full week of it, was hardly eating and not getting good sleep because she kept being sick.
By the Friday she looked horrendous but she still sent her in - school pulled her aside and warned her how poorly she seemed and she laughed at how she got away with it on way home.
I prayed all week she would puke in school/tell the teacher

Next week she was complaining there was puking kids in her DDs class and she better not get it!

She was off work the thurs/Friday btw so no childcare issue - just being a dick.

CrohnicallyPregnant · 13/01/2017 19:44

jollyjinglest we have at least 1 child (5 year olds) every day saying they feel sick. So far this academic year we've had 3 or so actually puke (and one of those was with no warning!) The majority of the time they're just hungry/need the toilet/want their mum/don't want to do their work... we can't really send a child home just because they say they feel ill if there are no other signs.

m0therofdragons · 13/01/2017 19:45

There are those parents who send in sick dc knowing they're sick and that sucks but sometimes dc are tricky. Dd3 has told me every day for the last 6months that she feels sick (she's 5). One of those days she was sent home because she was actually sick so technically she had told me in the morning but how can I know?

I think the majority of parents are sensible but also human and occasionally make the wrong call. Chicken pox develops over time so initially you may be thinking is it/ isn't it? But by 9.30am it may be totally obvious.

m0therofdragons · 13/01/2017 19:46

chronicallypregnant haha snap. Is it a 5yo thing?

wifeyhun · 13/01/2017 19:57

It's the stupid attendance policies that are to blame.

My dd was off for over two weeks with a bad injury which happened at school none the less and we get a crappy attendance letter. It was scrunched up and put in the bin.

The best place for ill children is at home.

Boobiebalfie · 13/01/2017 20:01

At lot of it has to do with the schools attendance record.The school that my dc's attend sent at least one letter a fortnight stressing the important a of trying to maintain 100% attendance.
I do follow the 48hr rule,but have been told by the school to send them in after 24hr on one occasion(other parents have been told the same)

twinklefoot · 13/01/2017 20:01

I had a call from an Educational Officer today to say my DS who is 4 had dipped below 90%. I told them he had various illnesses as he had never been to a private nursery. I got the impression that I should send him in ill. I informed her that he had his tonsils out and she said OK great I can tick that box now.

twinklefoot · 13/01/2017 20:02

Which was totally irrelevant to his time off as it was in the summer holidays!

ChocChocPorridge · 13/01/2017 20:10

Our school (non-UK) is pretty hot on these things - they'd even prefer you kept them home for the worst days of a cold with the young ones.

I just had an email to tell me that one of the kids in my youngest's class has nits, and that their nit policy is to stay away for 24 hours after treatment - so they take pretty much all this stuff seriously.

Then in the UK, my oldest had hand, foot and mouth, and they were trying to encourage me to send him back a day before the NHS website said it was OK, so sometimes you just can't win!

ChocChocPorridge · 13/01/2017 20:23

Mumzypopz - my oldest did that, we were all sitting in Macdonalds with 5 day old DS2. He was fine when we walked in and sat down. Partway through the meal I looked over at him, and his face had suddenly blossomed! Que worried call to GP about what we should do with him and a newborn in the house (quarantine. DP did everything for DS1, I did everything for DS2, we slept in separate rooms, used separate everything, and succeeded in keeping DS2 chicken pox free - in many ways, DP being on paternity leave couldn't have been better timed!)

CrohnicallyPregnant · 13/01/2017 20:34

mother quite possibly. I think part of it is not knowing how to interpret body signals, they get an uncomfortable feeling and either think that really is what nausea feels like, or they know it isn't but 'sick' is the only way they know how to describe it. Hence saying they're sick when they just need the toilet or they're hungry or even excited or nervous.

We had one child who said they felt sick every day just before play time. Poor mite didn't always get breakfast so we would get them some milk and a snack. That backfired spectacularly the one day they actually were poorly!

Then there's the ones who 'cry wolf', they know they're not sick but it's an excuse to try along with needing the toilet, or a drink, or a tissue. My 4 year olds favourite is 'my legs don't work' whenever she's asked to do something!

Pomegranatesaremessy · 13/01/2017 20:43

we have at least 1 child (5 year olds) every day saying they feel sick

This was an 8 year old who went on to be spectacularly sick so wasn't lying

EggysMom · 13/01/2017 20:47

Our son goes to a specialist ASD school, and is sent home every couple of weeks for being "out of sorts". He's not vomiting (stomach bugs are not his thing), he does seem susceptible to colds but school have Calpol and authority to use it. But still they think, because he'd rather curl up in the soft corner and sleep for an hour, that he's better off at home all day.

Goodness alone knows what his attendance figure is like. We check his temperature if he seems odd, we only send him in if temperature is normal, what more are we meant to do? We still have one SAH parent because of the sheer number of absences.

PadfootandProngs · 13/01/2017 20:48

I got really annoyed at a musical baby group the other week, overheard a woman behind me talking to her friend after she had clearly just cleaned up her sicky child saying oh I thought she was feeling better after last night, she must have caught it from (insert child's name).
Still took child into the group
The class was full including some really small babies.

HyacinthsBucket · 13/01/2017 20:54

It actually really saddens me that parents do this, because there's nothing worse than feeling really poorly yet being packed off to school. You just can't educate some - I used to run a playgroup and got sick of having to call parents back who'd dump their gates through the gate and run. Chickenpox, d & v, colds, coughs, you name it. Seeing a 3 year old sat crying for their mum with a raging temperature used to break my heart but Mum wanted her free 3 hours more.................

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 14/01/2017 15:15

I guess the parent may be thinking it's worse to be homeless or hungry though. Unfortunately the reality of the choice for parents with no local family or other resources and at risk of being sacked.

Bettyspants · 14/01/2017 15:22

DH is a head teacher. This is not abnormal and it's a pain in the arse , bloody selfish and incredibly unfair in the children. There is also an immune compromised child at the school who has been having chemo for 2 .5 yrs. when 'well' he just wants to be normal and have a couple of days st school. He and the parents know what risks this entails with bugs but I've been astounded at children being sent in with active chicken pox, vomiting etc. It's an unusual situation but highlights how vulnerable another child can be that you know nothing about. Unfortunately he has had to miss winter completely due to poor uptake of the flu vaccine (parents already factored in two weeks after live nasel spray done at school) . Well that's my rant.

Bettyspants · 14/01/2017 15:24

Someday , seems in the US children don't go to school if they have nits and it's a really big deal!!!

CaptainCallisto · 14/01/2017 15:46

We also received a letter about dropping below 95% attendance. DS1 started vomiting at about half two on Monday morning, and didn't stop until Wednesday afternoon, so ended up with the full week off to make sure he was 48 hours clear. One bug and we're being threatened with welfare visits. Half the bloody school was off with it, including staff, so we can't have been the only ones.

DS2 has gastro issues so when these D&V bugs are flying about I always worry. They can wipe him out for weeks

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 14/01/2017 15:50

I work in a school and we get children (usually ones who don't regularly attend) vomiting during the before school breakfast club, having been dropped off white and sometimes actually shaking. When spoken to it will often come out that child has been being sick all night but parent 'had' to go to work so took them to breakfast club rather than face a teacher in the classroom

Twixandlatte · 14/01/2017 15:57

I agree in principle but have now begun sending my child in sick and awaited the phone call to pick him up.

My son had a belly bug in his first year at school and I kept him at home till all symptoms subsided (3 days). I did not find it necessary to take him to the gp (waiting times etc.) so informed the school and treated him for his symptoms. Low and behold I received a letter two months later accusing me of taking my child on holiday (for 3 days ) although I had informed the school why he wasn't in and they admitted he had been poorly on the day prior to his absence and wished him a swift recovery. They informed me an educational officer would need to be involved if my son took another day off. He had only ever taken these three days off at this point and I was flabbergasted. I now let my child go to school sick and let them decide if he is sick or on holiday.

Twixandlatte · 14/01/2017 15:59

Obviously if my child has been vomiting all night, pale and shaking I would not drag them in but if he complains about a mild belly ache then I bring him and wait for symptoms to worsen as I don't want to risk welfare visits. It's a shame that we have to make these choices.

Frequency · 14/01/2017 16:03

It's the stupid attendance policies that are to blame

I agree. My oldest suffers MH problems. Imo, this impacts on her physical health, she seems to catch every bug and virus going. We have a lot of MH absences along with an above normal rate of sickness/flu absences.

She has an attendance of 86.5%, not bad imo for someone who suffers bulemia, depression and anxiety. It's not good enough for the LEA, who send me threatening letters every time she is off. We have so far managed to avoid 'intervention' (they never tell me what this intervention would entail) and fines, but only because I sometimes send her when I'm not sure she is well enough.

I am a LP, working fulltime and a carer to my father. I have no time for whatever this intervention would entail and can't afford the fines. I feel forced to guess whether this latest bout of vomiting is because she is genuinely ill or because she feels she ate too much at dinner. I sometimes get it wrong (or her acting gets better)

Conversely, I also have had to leave work more than once to go and collect her from school for something I know is put on/acted out by her at the school's insistance.

This still counts towards her attendance, even though they refused to keep her in school. I cannot win.

catwoman0815 · 14/01/2017 16:09

YANBU - but working parents also face huge pressure from work (no excuse to send a child in) but it certainly doesn't help.

My German friends e.g. are allowed 10 days off each year for a poorly child. If it's a 2 parents family, this adds up to 20 days. It makes it a lot easier to combine work with parenting. I only get grief from work, have to take unpaid time off. I still do but I had lots of issues at work due to ill DC.

I have friends who were close to being fired who didn't dare to take time off and send their DC ill into school. If you are a lone parent and you depend on your job to keep a roof over your heard, it can be tough.

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