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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not pay to repair the au pair's phone?

106 replies

Scorpiostar · 13/01/2017 14:54

Our au pair has a super swanky iPhone 6 Plus. Last night while she was babysitting, she sent me a text saying that the screen was broken. Her story last night was that DS pushed her and caused her to drop it so we are responsible for paying to repair / replace it. This morning, she said DS was blocking her way and she dropped it trying to get past. This morning I asked the DCs individually (before they had time to speak to each other) to tell me what happened to the phone. Their stories were identical: her phone was in her pocket and it fell out as she was going downstairs. This sounds entirely plausible. He phone is huge, her pocket is small. Two thirds of the phone sticks out of the top of the pocket of her jeans. I asked DD where DS was when it happened and she said he was upstairs. Given that she would normally take any opportunity to get DS into trouble, her story seems believable. DS is an anxious child and I would have expected him to look worried and guilty this morning if he had done something wrong. He didn't. Now I'm left with a dilemma. Who do I believe? I don't want to be the kind of parent who is blind to their DC's faults but I can't see much evidence that they are not telling the truth. The story about DS pushing her sounds implausible because it would be totally out of character. On the other hand, if I take the DC's word over the au pair's and she's telling the truth, the trust is broken.

OP posts:
EssentialHummus · 13/01/2017 15:21

What you do really depends on how much you want to keep this au pair / how easy it is to get another.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 13/01/2017 15:24

So why, in her version of events, was she a) pushing past your son and b) messing with her phone as she did so?

unfortunateevents · 13/01/2017 15:27

Why on earth do you have an aupair whom you believe would take any opportunity to get your DS in trouble?! She obviously doesn't like your children, what is she doing in your house?!

HorridHenryrule · 13/01/2017 15:27

The trust is already broken I would employ someone else.

Trifleorbust · 13/01/2017 15:28

What I find strange here is that you say your au pair is actively trying to get your child into trouble. That being the case, why do you employ her?

And to those who say she shouldn't have her phone out while taking care of the children, do not be ridiculous - she is an au pair, not a nursery nurse. She should be treated more in the manner of an older sibling, who would obviously use their phone while WATCHING slightly older children who don't need constant supervision or care.

c3pu · 13/01/2017 15:31

She has the phone on her person while on duty at her own risk, I'd say YANBU to refuse to repair it.

GigotdAgneau · 13/01/2017 15:34

I think the OP was saying that her DD would actively be trying to get her brother, DS, into trouble, Trifleorbust

Trifleorbust · 13/01/2017 15:36

Ah, fair enough.

I would tell her her phone is her responsibility, but as a goodwill gesture I would go halves.

expatinscotland · 13/01/2017 15:41

I'd get rid of her. There's nothing to admire about a lying pisstaker.

Clandestino · 13/01/2017 15:49

No way would I even consider it. Her phone, she should have insurance, carry it in a case which protects it from damage especially if children are around and hey, this wasn't even the children's fault. All hers.

stella23 · 13/01/2017 15:52

Sack her, and protect your son

SnatchedPencil · 13/01/2017 15:52

Who do you trust? Your children, or an adult you trust to look after them? Either way, you've got yourself into a bind: either you've raised your kids to think it's ok to lie, or you've made a terrible choice as to the person who you employ to look after them.

Claim it on the insurance to shut her up, she may be telling the truth. Then get rid of her, as she might not be.

Original poster
Scorpiostar · 13/01/2017 15:57

Thanks everyone. I feel better about standing my ground now. The kids are 7 and 9. The au pair is normally trustworthy, although she is a bit full of herself and spoilt. She's young and this is her first paid job. I have just spoken to her and she's still insistent that she is right, although the story has changed again. My gut feeling is that her parents bought her this ridiculously expensive phone and she's afraid to tell them that she has broken it. She's hoping we'll take responsibility for it so that she doesn't have to.
She hasn't given me any other reason not to trust her. DCs are old enough (and vocal enough) to tell me if anything was amiss. They love her and have never complained about her.

OP posts:
SoFedUpOfPeople · 13/01/2017 16:00

She should have had insurance!

Postagestamppat · 13/01/2017 16:01

Have you asked that she remains contactable? Do you ring/text her while she is working? If so, I think maybe you should pay but give her a cheap non-smart phone version (Samsung - 10 quid) to use in the future and no smart phone allowed on the job. That will be such a punishment that she may well flounce. If not, her phone - her responsibility.

SandyY2K · 13/01/2017 16:02

I think the age of your DC, especially your DS who was accused is important here, because people are more likely to blame a child that can't communicate well due to their age, can't communicate well due to special needs or a child that is usually a bit naughty, so that the story would sound plausible.

Otherwise your DS can simply refute her allegation.

It's worrying that her story has changed, but when people look after your DC, I really don't want them to feel pissed off either.

I think you need to consider the following:

  • how replaceable she is.
  • how good she is overall and her relationship with the DC
  • is she likely to quit if you don't pay her
TimTamTerrier · 13/01/2017 16:07

I don't think that your DC caused the phone to break in either of the two stories that you have mentioned. If the phone had been put in a secure place and a child had taken it without permission and accidentally broken it, then I think she could fairly say it was the child's fault. But if she's working with children then she should take precautions with her valuables, if she dropped it because she had to brush past a child then I would argue that she had not adequately secured her phone.

HappyFlappy · 13/01/2017 16:19

She tries to get your anxious son in trouble and you still leave your children with her?

I think DD tries to get her brother into trouble, Fae - but I read it the other way at first, too.

QuimReaper · 13/01/2017 16:25

I don't think these "faffing with her phone when she's supposed to be looking after the kids" comments are fair - most people in charge of children use their phone occasionally! - but I'm not inclined to take her side.

OP since you say she's young, spoilt and in her first job, I think you should look at this as a learning curve for her. Be firm but fair, and make absolutely sure she knows that this is not the way to treat an employer. After all, most people have to learn how to conduct themselves in an employment situation at some point, and in some ways it's the responsibility of the employer to help her do that.

I'd say that you trust her but you're in a difficult situation with two (or is it now three?) conflicting stories from her, and a different one from the children. I would say, as suggested above, that as a goodwill gesture you're willing to pay half the cost of replacing the screen.

I think once she sees that these things are taken seriously, she will be less loose with her attempts to shift the blame in future.

Notonthestairs · 13/01/2017 16:27

Ah! I read it the other way. That makes OP's response less surprising! Thanks HappyFlappy.

QuimReaper · 13/01/2017 16:29

Sorry, meant to add that since the kids love her etc., it would be a shame to disrupt them over a broken phone if it's just a matter of an immature girl needing firm handling.

I also think you need to let her know in the firmest possible terms that this is what insurance is for! It was "accidental damage" even if it was your kids at fault.

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 13/01/2017 16:30

At work if anyone in any sort of trouble, however minor, changes their story, I don't believe them at all. I've been stung too many times. Shortly before Christmas I nearly sacked someone for changing her story. She was, however, an adult, and your au pair is still a child. But she's working and she needs to know that lying is not OK. And lying to get kids into trouble is awful.

I'd have a stiff word with her, explaining that as there isn't a clear version of what happened given she has given two versions and the kids a third she can't expect you to take responsibility.

A proper Apple repair on an iPhone6 plus, including a new home button is £80. She needs to get the insurance on her next phone.

SapphireStrange · 13/01/2017 16:42

What does she say when you point out she's now told you three different stories?

I agree with SnorkMaiden above about how to deal with her.

specialsubject · 13/01/2017 16:44

Penalty for buying a huge fragile phone. Silly girl. Lesson learned.

Don't pay and give notice.

PurpleMinionMummy · 13/01/2017 16:49

No I wouldn't pay, I'd advise her to get phone insurance.