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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Zips are wankers

66 replies

FishChipsAndBeans · 13/01/2017 13:42

I'm 45 years old and I can't do up the fuckers. I can use zips if I'm not wearing the item of clothing, but that's not hugely helpful as I tend to want to wear my clothes.

Just had a big stroppy tantrum with my lovely new warm coat that I can't actually zip up.

I'm not being unreasonable. Zips are wankers.

OP posts:
TwatteryFlowers · 13/01/2017 20:27

I caught my lip (my facial lip) on my coat zip a while ago. It swelled up loads and was sore for ages. So you can add lips to your wanker list as well.

That and the tiny pieces of Lego that, once stuck together, are impossible to take apart. I've lost several finger nails to those wankers.

WashBasketsAreUs · 13/01/2017 22:04

Child prof lids on bleach bottles-gotta get the kids to undo them!

WashBasketsAreUs · 13/01/2017 22:05

Proof fgs!

kelper · 13/01/2017 22:10

DS was given a coat recently, he was wearing it happily, then noticed the zip had come undone from the bottom. No problems, I told him not to fiddle with it, and all would be well. No, it wouldn't. The zip made its way up towards his neck, until he squeaked at me that he couldn't get his coat off!
God only knows what the other people on the Underground thought at the sight of me desperately trying to free DS from the coat that was trying to strangle him, until with a loud ping, I managed to rip the zip apart, several teeth went zooming across the carriage, and DS was free!
So yes, zips are bastards bangs gavel

Macsmurray · 13/01/2017 22:16

Scissors that are in plastic blister packs that you need scissors to get into. Wankers!

Hassled · 13/01/2017 22:21

I have a (nice) cardigan - chunky, grey, quite smart - but the zip is open-ended if that makes sense; you can zip it from the top or the bottom. It's an absolute bastard. Currently the middle section is zipped and the top and bottom unzipped and I cannot resolve the issue and so have stopped wearing it. Wanker zips.

Boundaries · 13/01/2017 22:27

Buttons which close with a stupid loop. I have three, THREE items of clothes featuring these wankers. They make me stabby so I can't wear them.

Wankers.

TheSilveryPussycat · 13/01/2017 22:30

Most stuff I use is wankerish. I yell at it "Stuff! Fucking stuff!"

My coat (an excellent buy recommended by MN) does have a zip - but I never use it - it also has quite sturdy poppers, which are fine. These days I refuse to buy anything like a coat or cardi with just a zip, can never get it to fit together at the bottom, or if it does it's all skew whiff Angry

TooMinty · 13/01/2017 22:55

@ipswhichwitch - it's not the cardigans, it's the bastard cupboard handles. In an admittedly extreme reaction, I have had my whole kitchen knocked down to teach those sods a lesson.

TooMinty · 13/01/2017 22:55

Oops, I meant @ipswichwitch Blush

Rubycat · 14/01/2017 00:16

Also coathangers. Massive wankers. Are super sticky and catch themselves on each other like a giant paperclip chain of irritating metal, or go massively slippy and drop your clothes all over the floor. Bastards.

SisyphusHadItEasy · 14/01/2017 01:11

Teeth are walkers. I can be happily nibbling away at a biscuit, and all of a sudden, my teeth decide they would much rather have a chunk of the indie of my damn cheek.

Since when are biscuits not better than human flesh?

SisyphusHadItEasy · 14/01/2017 01:15

Phone keyboards are wankers too.

Wankers, not walkers... inside, not indie.

The jackals who invented autocorrect are the biggest Wankers of all.

EagleIsland · 14/01/2017 01:15

YES to coat hangers!....they are the fucking pubes of Satan!

Janey50 · 14/01/2017 01:23

Coat hangers are wankers.
Zips on clothes with a lining are a wankers as they ALWAYS get caught.
And those fingerless gloves with the flap that you fold over your fingertips. I cab never loop or un-loop the flap from the button once I've got the gloves on.

ItchyFoot · 14/01/2017 01:23

There's a special place in Hull reserved for the inventor of autocorrect!

Pradaqueen · 14/01/2017 01:35

Grin at Hull.

MissVictoria · 14/01/2017 05:28

Having been to Hull, i'm sure he or she will be suitably miserable :P

Original poster
FishChipsAndBeans · 14/01/2017 07:02

Hull Grin

OP posts:
Sgtmajormummy · 14/01/2017 07:19

Cross-head screwdrivers are wankers. Designed to get mangled after a few uses so they chew up any screw they touch. DIY sabotage wankers.

ForalltheSaints · 14/01/2017 07:24

I though zips were designed to help the act described!

GilMartin · 14/01/2017 07:29

caught my lip (my facial lip) on my coat zip a while ago. It swelled up loads and was sore for ages. So you can add lips to your wanker list as well.

Ouch. How did you manage to do that?

Sure it wasn't a gimp mask?

TwatteryFlowers · 14/01/2017 11:19

caught my lip (my facial lip) on my coat zip a while ago. It swelled up loads and was sore for ages. So you can add lips to your wanker list as well.

Ouch. How did you manage to do that?

Sure it wasn't a gimp mask?

Haha! No, I'm not that exciting unfortunately. I was in a hurry to get into the shop quickly before it closed and as it was really cold outside I thought I'd best zip up my coat. It's one of those waterproof ones with the big polo-type necks that comes up to my chin and I was looking down, watching as I fastened the zip. It came up faster than I was expecting and I zipped it over my lip ShockBlush

GilMartin · 14/01/2017 11:23

I believe you! Millions wouldn't!

AntiHop · 14/01/2017 11:31

I have the same problem with zips. They are constantly getting the better of me.