To document my attempts to seek mental health support with the aim of raising awareness of how hard it is?

[JoannaPublic]

I am 33 weeks pregnant. I have been seeking help for post-traumatic stress disorder and its effect on my pregnancy since I was 25 weeks pregnant. Everyone from whom I have sought help agrees that I need to be seen before the baby is born. Everyone from whom I have sought help assures me that "someone" should and will be able to help, but nobody can tell me who this "someone" is or where I can find them.

To date, I have tried:

The GP: They can only refer me on. In the past, they were sometimes able to offer short-notice 10 minute appointments to allow me just to talk a bit and in theory still would. Like most GP practices, though, they are currently inundated with patient need, with the result that it can often take hours or days to get through on the phone, and the only appointments available can often be weeks away.

The midwife: She has given me endless extra time and appointments, and has advocated tirelessly on my behalf. She is not trained or licensed or insured to deal with PTSD herself, and so like the GP can only pass me on.

The counselling service attached to the GP: I am on their waiting list, but they cannot see me before the baby is born. From what I have heard locally, they will not have the experience or the expertise to help, but I am willing to try anything.

Health psychology: They used to be able to treat pregnant women with PTSD, but are no longer commissioned or funded to do so. They are not making an exception for me.

The local perinatal mental health service: I do not fit their local criteria. Firstly, they tried to refer me back to health psychology, finding as I did that health psychology will not take me. They are now trying to refer me to a local primary care psychology service which has no specialism or expertise in pregnancy or PTSD, and which has waiting lists of such length that I am unlikely to be able to see anyone before the baby is born. The process even of referral from the perinatal mental health service to primary care psychology will take 7-10 days - which, given that I only have a maximum of 7 weeks left, seems a very long time.

The antenatal ward at the local hospital: Due to medical problems with the pregnancy, I have been admitted several times, and during each admission procedure, I have been asked the routine questions about my mental health and about whether I would like help. However, I found that, by saying that I would like help, the ward could only refer me to health psychology or perinatal mental health, neither of whom will see me. Like the GP and my own community midwife, the hospital midwives have been nothing but kind and supportive - but they are overstretched, and not trained or equipped to deal with PTSD.

The Samaritans (116 123 from UK landlines and mobiles, available 24/7): They are very good, and I cannot recommend them highly enough. But they are not a substitute for professional help, and would never claim to be. And unfortunately, some of their volunteers do sometimes say "I'm sure if you spoke to your GP, he would be able to find you the help you need". This isn't helpful, for all the reasons I have explained.

The local private sector: I am (with the support of my DH and midwife) currently ringing round all local private therapists. So far, all of them have said they either cannot help with my specific difficulties, or that they cannot help within the timescales needed. I am not in London, am not in the SE, and do not drive, so this limits my options a bit too. But yes, I probably will find someone eventually. If I didn't believe that I might, or if I couldn't potentially afford to pay for it, I wouldn't be posting my experiences here on Mumsnet.

And yet, having documented all of this, I realise that I am in a privileged and fortunate position. I have a good support network, the education and literacy to be able to seek and request help, and the money to pay for what the NHS cannot provide. If things are this bad for me, how much worse must they be for women who lack the voice to ask for help and lack the money to pay for it.

So having documented all of this, I am asking the following

• Could we all please end this culture in British society of telling distressed individuals simply to "get help"? To tell someone to "get help" implies that there is help available - and as my story illustrates, this is not necessarily the case, and certainly not necessarily the case at the point at which the individual needs help most.

• Could any readers or posters on here with any political or strategic or media influence please use my story to lobby for better availability, accessibility and funding of mental health support for pregnant women?

That was meant to say huge sympathies not synagogues

It might also be a good idea to write stuff down now - have a little notebook where you put any thoughts on all this. Because very soon you will have a lot on! So recording it now for future reference when the time comes that you are better able to do something might be best. Hope that makes sense and so glad you have found a way forward right now.

Also, I think re. campaigning, it needs to be presented in terms of savings. Eg. mother and baby units reducing social services involvement down the line, that sort of thing.

The cost tends to be in a different area, there's no joined-up thinking. I was reading recently about a police force that has started to refuse to do stuff that should be health based, eg. transporting patients to/between hospitals when there is no known risk. (Will try to find link)

Another unexpected update: yesterday, I was offered a last-minute, immediate-start assessment for short-term sessions with the local NHS primary care counselling service*.

I went, I passed the assessment, I will take the sessions. Whereas the service seems to have little experience of working with pregnant women (given the usual 9-12 months+ length of their waiting lists, that would be kind of inevitable...), the counsellor I spoke to did seem both to have a real understanding of PTSD and a real willingness to engage with my actual short-term needs prior to the birth. So yes, I will take the sessions and defer the psychotherapy until after the baby is born.

I am pleased with the outcome, but still now so sad. What happens to all those women who need more help than me, and who don't have angry and assertive family members willing to quote NICE guidelines, shout at managers, cry etc..

• This is deliberately a slightly vague description of the service in question, because it represents a rather unusual local commissioning arrangement between systems. As I have said before, I don't want to out myself or any of the professionals involved by revealing my geographical location.

op, 100% agree- AND

you focus should be on getting help right now.

would you consider spending some money on this? I appreciate its not optimal BUT I have found and used private therapists each time I have had a MH wobble. Its always helped me 1000%

I can PM you some means to do it this way if you have financial means (sorry if you don't and this is not helpful)- I used telephone and it was £50 a session , even 2 per month help

Huge synagogues

just saw update, GOOD. Its whats needed and it will help

the lack of MH support is to weep for, and don't depress yourself about it focus on getting this under control x

OP so glad there's a good result for you. I read the thread and agree wholeheartedly that MH services are in dire straits. 'Get help' pisses me right off. I genuinely think that people do not realise how hard that actually is. People just seem to assume mental health has the same importance within the NHS as physical health.

I've had similar experiences with trying to get help for my Dd. It was a real eye opener to the actual state of MH care. As I found out, it just isn't there. You get shunted from person to person but I think they know nothing will come of it. Firefighting is right. Our GP told us to seek help from applicable charities. None of them can unless we have a GP referral for assessment and then have therapy which we can't get any time soon.

It's appalling that you can see problems worsening further down the line that could be prevented now with a bit of intervention. We too are seeking private help as we see no other option.

It makes me so angry and sad in equal measure. I hope the sessions help you OP.

Just want to offer some support. I'm 15/40 and am having a bit of a problem at the moment, but the thought of going through so much to try to get help and then failing is terrifying me.

Thank you all so much for your support, solidarity and synagogues (which did give me a much-needed )

I have contacted the campaign at Everyone's Business, which advocates for better perinatal mental healthcare, and which lists my local authority area as one of the better ones . I have emailed them everything I have been told about the recent cutbacks "changes" to local service provision, have suggested that they might want to verify my account with commissioners, and have suggested that they might want to downgrade "reconsider" the way they have rated my area.

And returning to being utterly selfish: whereas I am grateful that for now I have some help, the question still remains... what am I supposed to do between now and my next appointment? I've been knocking around within the mental health world long enough to know that the immediate response is "you should take responsibility for yourself"... OK, but how? Over the past few days I have phoned the Samaritans what seems like a million times (usually quite good), I have sought and received several contradictory opinions on whether I am eligible for Crisis Team support (I rang the Crisis Team themselves, who were equally unsure), I have cried all over the midwife (not her job to help, though she is far too kind to say it so bluntly) and still on a day-to-day basis, I am still fundamentally not coping with the basics of everyday life.

What does one do when much-needed and helpful help is nevertheless still six days away?

You hang in there as best as possible. Take each hour as it comes, keep busy, be kind to yourself. Just get through. Post on MN. Do anything you can.

That sounds heartless and awful but as far as I can see, you've done everything you can to 'get help' and you should be so proud you've done this and fought for it. Well done you.

... which lists my local authority area as one of the better ones

I don't think the ratings system is up to scratch.

minhalexander.com/2016/11/18/the-ever-anomalous-cqc-another-soft-shoe-shuffle-around-inconvenient-data/

I don't recognise the description of perinatal MH team as per Bill.

In my area, anyone who has a pre-existing mental health problem that it is felt may impact pregnancy, the birth or care of the baby gets help from them. Which is pretty much everyone I think.

So my history of sexual abuse qualified me for a referral and I got help within a week.

Services are good here because there were a number of MH related mother and child deaths

Oh Op

Take each hour as it comes and maybe educate yourself on what treatment options are - are there any drugs ?
And could you spend some $ to get though this or it is out of the question

Sending strength your way xxx

Sent you a pm lovely

What do I do now? How to keep going in those "days in between".... It's such a tough question. And when we aren't in those place it is easy to give advice, but it is totally different when you are living it.
All those things you would normally do when "down" and fighting to get up, you some how lose the wherewithal to do.

My experience was like yours, Some I truly believe how hard it is.

Could you afford a one -off private appointment? they might have the skill to assess the level of care you need and get things moving faster in the NHS?

Sending hugs, and keep posting here (if it helps) x

Thank you for all the messages of support, and for the kind offers of help. Really, there is no option but for me to keep holding on until this appointment next tuesday: honestly, it's the best I will get.

Given that I started this thread as an awareness-raising tool, I think I should perhaps just correct some of the misconceptions in previous posts

1. No private therapist will ever be able to hasten an individual's progress through NHS waiting times. If anything, the fact that an individual has the option of private therapy could theoretically be used to de-prioritise them for NHS help, on the grounds that those less able to pay are in greater need. Thankfully, though, this didn't happen to me.

1. Very few private therapists will be willing to see an individual about to start NHS treatment. It's all about professional etiquette, and about not-treading-on-each-others-toes, or suchlike. So now that I have committed to taking the NHS sessions offered, I need to wait until they're finished before starting the private ones.

Thank you, though, to everyone who has been so supportive. It's just so sad to hear that so many people - and their children, too - have been in similar positions. To hear that children are being similarly shafted around takes my sadness and anger to a new level. As adults with mental health issues, we mostly have the ability to advocate for ourselves and to redeem lost years/careers/relationships by starting afresh in many years... and whereas it seems such a cliche to say that "children only get one childhood", it's so, so true.

If the research is to be believed, my older DCs have 5-10 years before they descend into near-inevitable personal hellholes of anorexia, drugs, or self-harm, and my as-yet-unborn daughter might have about 10-15 years. What happens if by that point I am still unable to work, and thereby cannot afford private treatment for them?