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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To this doctor spoke out of turn?

44 replies

MarcelineTheVampire · 12/01/2017 22:18

For background, I am wholly supportive of the NHS and I know that doctors/nurses etc. all work really hard, under difficult circumstances and I have never ever complained...

I have recently been diagnosed with severe perinatal anxiety, I get what I can only describe as 'horrors' which can happen up to 20+ times a day as well as the more traditional anxiety at times but it is mainly the horrors that affect me. It has taken me ages to go and get help but I was suicidal a while ago as it was crippling me.

I saw an obstetrician today for approximately 10 minutes, if that, (not my usual consultant) and he was asking what medication I was on- I was told I was under the care of the mental health team and they want to up my medication, he looked a bit judgemental but i thought nothing of it. At the end of the appointment he said to me 'you shouldn't be on anxiety medication woman, you don't seem anxious to me'...these were his exact words.

I left the appointment in tears- I've been thinking about it and I'm still really upset, he really dismissed my serious mental health issue because he didn't perceive that I had one from the 10 minutes I was in his presence.

My AIBU is whether I should complain? Refuse to see him again or is this over the top? Should I just forget it?

OP posts:
Brentlicious · 12/01/2017 22:21

He was giving his opinion, to which he is perfectly entitled.

MrsDustyBusty · 12/01/2017 22:24

I'd try to forget it if you can. It's his opinion, but obstetricians aren't mental health specialists so basically ignore and move on.

SarcasmMode · 12/01/2017 22:25

What a shitbag.

I'd definetely complain.

He shouldn't be in medicine if he can't use empathy or to keep his gob shut

So sorry you had to experience that, OP🎂

KurriKurri · 12/01/2017 22:26

I would say that since he is an obstetrician and not a psychiatrist he is not really entitled to give his opinion.

It sounds as if he spoke to you very rudely OP, I would discuss the way he spoke to you with your mental health team and ask their advice as to whether to refuse to see him again or whether they can speak to him on your behalf.

SarcasmMode · 12/01/2017 22:27

Also it's using the term woman that makes it very clear he holds contempt for the OP.

Also as a professional who does not have mental health training, professionally should he even be giving his opinion?

Original poster
MarcelineTheVampire · 12/01/2017 22:27

Brent but surely giving an opinion on whether someone should or should not be on medication for a condition you know nothing about is dangerous territory?

I don't understand how he came to that conclusion either? After 10 minutes and asking no history?

OP posts:
buttbutt · 12/01/2017 22:28

No, YANBU. I had severe depression and anxiety during my first pregnancy, and was on medication, carefully monitored by the psychiatrist and my lovely gp. Other professionals made dreadful comments, saying I should try not to take the meds (!) and it would be better for my baby if I didn't. Arseholes! What my baby needed was a mum who got through it and lived to tell the tale. If you feel strong enough, complain, but if you don't feel up to it that's ok too. You have enough battles to fight. Anyway, I mainly wanted to promise you that this too will pass. Anxiety is a nasty bastard, but you will get through it. I promise.

Waterfeature · 12/01/2017 22:29

YANBU but obstetricians are a strange bunch IMHO. I'd try to let it go (even though he was rude).

buttbutt · 12/01/2017 22:30

Dammit - takes me so long to type I just saw Brent's comment. A huge 'Oh Do Fuck Off Dear' from me...

HardcoreLadyType · 12/01/2017 22:31

Lovely post buttbutt.

I hope things improve for you Marceline. (DD2 is a big Adventure Time fan!)

Original poster
MarcelineTheVampire · 12/01/2017 22:32

Sarcasm the 'woman' part was said in a way that made me feel belittled...urgh, he was horrid.

But thank you- on the whole everyone has been lovely and supportive and so I don't know whether I was being U in regards to this. I desperately hope it does pass as it really affected my time with my DD and I don't want it to happen againSmile

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 12/01/2017 22:33

At the end of the appointment he said to me 'you shouldn't be on anxiety medication woman, you don't seem anxious to me'...these were his exact words.

It's very unhelpful for a medical professional to tell a patient that they don't need their medication when they're not a specialist in that area. I can imagine some people deciding to stop taking drugs that they need on the basis of comments like that.

HardcoreLadyType · 12/01/2017 22:33

Sorry, the first post was lovely. Xposted with the second one, so my comment seems sarc-y! It's not meant to. Your first post was, indeed lovely (and the second one not unjust!).

Flopsypopsy · 12/01/2017 22:35

I think you should put in a complaint. It's only when we complain that unacceptable practice like this can be tackled. Otherwise it's hidden and that doctor could just continue with his bad practice.

I'm sorry you were subjected to such an uncaring individual. He needs to be outed.

AgathaMystery · 12/01/2017 22:37

I would suggest you ring your consultant's secretary & explain what happened. Ask for a piece of paper to be clipped to your hospital notes (if your hospital still uses paper) saying you are to be seen by xxx consultant.

Next time you attend the clinic make sure you tell the receptionist or health care assistant who greets you thatbyou are seeing xxx today with the agreement of his/her secretary.

Take your medication as per your MH team advice, and next time you do see xxx if it is appropriate make sure a clear care plan is documented for delivery. Make sure you understand the plan and agree with it.

I am so sorry this happened to you today. You have done very well to get this far in your pregnancy. I hope it is almost over for you Flowers

LittleCandle · 12/01/2017 22:38

Was this person a registrar by any chance? I've met a few of those who I have wondered (aloud and to their face) if they've had any medical training at all. The last one I saw wrote a letter to my GP with his conclusion (having met me once for 10 whole minutes and not read my notes, despite telling me he had) that had the whole GP surgery rolling about the floor in laughter at his diagnosis. The GP was waiting for me to turn up and was more than willing to re-refer me for a second opinion.

This person was a turd. I would mention it to a member of your MH team or your GP and ask them to deal with it. There was no need for such a derogatory comment at all. I hope you feel better soon.

shinynewusername · 12/01/2017 22:40

It's very unhelpful for a medical professional to tell a patient that they don't need their medication when they're not a specialist in that area

Agree. He may possibly have meant it to sound encouraging ("you seem to be doing well, so don't need it") but, even so, it was inappropriate to tell you that you don't need a drug when he knows nothing about your mental health history.

PurpleDaisies · 12/01/2017 22:41

Was this person a registrar by any chance? I've met a few of those who I have wondered (aloud and to their face) if they've had any medical training at all.

In my experience it's the older consultants that behave like this, not the new doctors coming through the system.

Original poster
MarcelineTheVampire · 12/01/2017 22:41

Candle yes he was a registrar - thinking about it, in my last pregnancy a registrar failed to refer me for something important which led to a serious health issue...

Agatha thank you- I think I will take this advice and call tomorrow.

OP posts:
shinynewusername · 12/01/2017 22:42

PS Tell him your psychiatrist would like to come in and perform a C section for you Wink

Original poster
MarcelineTheVampire · 12/01/2017 22:43

Shiny Grin

OP posts:
OopsDearyMe · 12/01/2017 22:44

Whats with the 'Woman' thing too!!! Bleeding Hell. Sounds like a trainee or locum.
Entitled to his opinion??? Are you nuts?? He's a doctor and should be careful with his opinions as people tend to take more notice when doctors give out opinions. Idiotic prick

Yes complain he needs to know he cannot do this.

AntiHop · 12/01/2017 22:48

Please do make a complaint. It's attitudes like this that contribute to stigma about mental health problems.

I find it hard to believe that a doctor would make such a comment about any kind of health condition apart from a mental health condition. Angry

TheMysteriousJackelope · 12/01/2017 22:49

Well of course you didn't seem anxious, because you are taking medication.

Can you get another OB? because this one sounds a bit dim.

I'd tell your psychiatrist too, I'm sure they'd also like the opportunity to give their opinion too.

Man10 · 12/01/2017 22:51

I'd assume that addressing someone as "woman" was done at ironically, as I struggle to imagine a doctor saying it any other way. In that case he was probably trying to be nice. (But you were there, so you have far more to go on in forming a judgement than I do.)

I suspect that in his mind, dismissing your mental illness made it vanish in a puff of smoke, i.e. by not believing in it, he had cured you. So he thought being dismissive was helpful.

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