To this doctor spoke out of turn?

[MarcelineTheVampire]

For background, I am wholly supportive of the NHS and I know that doctors/nurses etc. all work really hard, under difficult circumstances and I have never ever complained...

I have recently been diagnosed with severe perinatal anxiety, I get what I can only describe as 'horrors' which can happen up to 20+ times a day as well as the more traditional anxiety at times but it is mainly the horrors that affect me. It has taken me ages to go and get help but I was suicidal a while ago as it was crippling me.

I saw an obstetrician today for approximately 10 minutes, if that, (not my usual consultant) and he was asking what medication I was on- I was told I was under the care of the mental health team and they want to up my medication, he looked a bit judgemental but i thought nothing of it. At the end of the appointment he said to me 'you shouldn't be on anxiety medication woman, you don't seem anxious to me'...these were his exact words.

I left the appointment in tears- I've been thinking about it and I'm still really upset, he really dismissed my serious mental health issue because he didn't perceive that I had one from the 10 minutes I was in his presence.

My AIBU is whether I should complain? Refuse to see him again or is this over the top? Should I just forget it?

No, don't tell him that!

Tell him he will give him a vasectomy 😬

Joking aside, he was rude & disrespectful in the way he spoke to you, irrespective of whether he's right or not. That needs reporting for sure.

As for whether he's right or not, I'd rather trust the mental health team - funnily enough. Git.

Don't let it upset you 💐

Man10 it was said in a similar way to how Paddy, from big fat gypsy wedding and big brother fame, says woman- slightly jokey but definite misogynistic and belittling tones.

Appointments are often 10 minutes which really means 7 minutes face to face so yes short yes rushed but that is the system.

He came to that conclusion from the basis of a doctor looking after the unborn one and appears to be concentrating on this as opposed to you and baby as a unit and the importance of your combined health. . However you are absolutely right a well mum is far far more important that's why it is a risk benefit ratio. Sorry you were made to feel belittled I get they would be really upset to know they made you feel like that I am sure they didn't mean to.

My suggestion would be not to complain but write and explain how you were made to feel ( we can often cover anxiety / depression for a short period of time so appear to have less of a problem ) how important support is, not judging from a snapshot or what is important to you and how it made you feel etc this will have a much more direct impact on them, they will likely reflect on their behaviour or how it is interpreted and will lead to change. Complaints are now used as a weapon are taken personally we want to defend how we were in a situation and it is more difficult to look back and see how you can do things differently.

As doctors you have to reflect on things this could be something that has a profound effect on them and change things lifelong putting it as I wanted to let you know how this consultation was for me, how it made me feel what would have helped will have a positive change. Writing a complaint though saying similar will put someone on the defensive a loose all ways.

For future absolutely you can ask to see someone else and if that is right for you make sure you let them know but discretely.

I hope future contacts with health services are more supportive

YANBU.
He may have opinions about your medication, but its not his field so his opinion is no more valuable than that of your neighbours cat.
And the use of the word 'woman' in that context is derogatory.

He may have opinions about your medication, but its not his field so his opinion is no more valuable than that of your neighbours cat.

I don't agree with this-you do get basic general training before specialising.

Imagine this happened in another medical field. 'I don't think you should take drug A, you don't look like you've got a tumour, woman, your cheeks look rosy.'

Why would it be acceptable for a doctor to pass unqualified comment on mental illness?

It's potentially life threatening to recommend to someone suicidal or bipolar to stop their drugs so I'd report. Not to cause problems but so the registrar can receive appropriate training so as not to cause harm.

Wow, he's an emotionally incompetent idiot. YANBU.

MarcelineTheVampire (Great name, even though I don't like Vampires!)

I totally agree with buttbutt If you feel strong enough, complain, but if you don't feel up to it that's ok too. You have enough battles to fight.*

AgathaMystery great post.

OP re seeing him again, in your shoes I would prefer not to see this doctor again and so if/when you need another appointment I would see who I could see who was not that doctor. I might ask for an appointment and see who was offered first (rather than going in with 'I don't want blah blah) but if blah blah was offered I would say I would like to see someone else.

Plus great post from TheMysteriousJackelope
"Well of course you didn't seem anxious, because you are taking medication.

Can you get another OB? because this one sounds a bit dim.

I'd tell your psychiatrist too, I'm sure they'd also like the opportunity to give their opinion too."

If it is making you very uncomfortable please complain. If you don't he may end up saying it to the wrong woman and getting a black eye.

Bugsy that was a lovely post and actually I think I might take this action. I don't want to get anyone in trouble but as pp's have said, it's this kind of attitude that adds to stigma and makes people not want to get help- it's made me question whether I should be on my medication- which I 100% need to be.

I went to a GP for help with depression and anxiety, and he refused to help me. He literally said the words "we've all got problems". I was younger and in a vulnerable place so I left worse than I went in, and didn't pursue it further until I finally plucked up the guts to see someone else.

YANBU. A comment like that can set someone back years.

PurpleDaisies I have a common neurological disorder and the opinions I've got from NHS staff dispute that.

He was a wanker. I'm sorry you had to deal with his unqualified opinion.

Thank you OP. Absolutely you are on what is right for you don't doubt that. But from your posts what I get is that you don't want others to feel how you felt or to feel like that again especially from a HCP who we hope would understand. Reflecting back is a really powerful tool and makes people think about what they have done in a slightly less confrontational way and leads to long term change.

I hope all goes well and if you are not sure at a further consultation you couldn't say no try and take someone who would step in and talk for you it is so hard for us to say I am not happy for this.

OP I wouldn't write to him, I'd talk to PALS. He made you think of stopping vital medication, thats not OK.

As a mental health nurse I think this is terrible but unfortunately I am not suprised. I have come across many ignorant arse's like this over the years in my line of work. It is not his place to give his opinion of your mental state unless to offer helpful advice, particularly in such a rude manner. Some of these guys may have great intelligence but absolutely atrocious interpersonal skills. There are also many amazing clinicians out there too who would never dream to address a patient in such a way. I personally would request not to be treated by him again.

Gracey not professional at all

I am not sure who you are making reference to.

If you are referring to me Bugsy I am entitled to an opinion like everyone else here and I won't make excuses for such unacceptable behaviour such as being under pressure by a person who has such a responsibility to his patients and whose behaviour can have such far reaching effects if not careful and considered. We are all under pressure but don't all behave in such a rude manner.
I am certainly not unprofessional in my interactions with my patients and would not be in the position that I am in if this were true. I have unfortunately witnessed this first hand a number of times and heard reports from colleagues of such poor behaviour towards my patients in the unit I work in by some visiting non mental health specialist clinicians and have had to intervene even for basic things such as telling the doctor to explain who they are and why they are there! There are some really awful situations that some patients have experienced which I won't detail here.
Some should not have patient contact unless their interpersonal skills improve in my opinion. Obviously this won't happen but in an ideal world...