Exh sending pics of him and girlfriend and DH

[fannyfanackapan]

I think IANBU and he only sent them to make a point but happy to be told otherwise.

On holiday when DS birthday this week. Spoke to him about it long before booking, no issues for him, gets money for birthday and apparently going out with mates as reaching 18, didn't want party or fuss, not his style.

Anyway, on said Birthday get two picture messages from exh showing him, his current girlfriend and both DS. No concern from me that he has taken them out for DS2 birthday, but why include him and his girlfriend? Does he want me to react? Is he trying for a guilt trip that I wasn't there?

Needless to say I haven't responded and I wish I could block him but DS1 has mental health issues which we need to correspond on.

Sorry, rant over!!

Really cannot see what he's done wrong?

Do you & his gf have 'history'???

Was she the OW by any chance?

Doubt it as she is new gf and the OP has had a chance to remarry.....

I wouldn't consider sending a pic of either of my DS's with my DP as personally I don't see it as appropriate.

I agree. Why would I need to see a picture of m Exes GF. He could have taken a picture of the DSs alone and sent you, but he obviously wants to show you a pic of how nice they all look together. there's no other reason to do that. I mean they would have had to ask someone to take the pic. It's typical tying to rub it in behaviour.

My DB is divorced and when he goes way with his DC and his wife, he'll send pics of the DC to his Ex, but not of the 4 of them looking like a family. There's absolutely no need to do it.

There's absolutely no need to do it.

Absolutely no need to go on holiday when it is your DS 18th birthday imo.

Hang on, YOU were on holiday on your sons birthday so his father and partner took him out to celebrate and you think he is being unreasonable

Thank you SandyY2K.

There is no back story other than we split and had no communication afterwards due to children being old enough to make own arrangements with their father.

I would only share pictures of my DS 'if' I were to send any, why include me and DP???????

As it was a birthday celebration with family. A picture of them celebrating as a group over a drink or a meal seems completely normal and natural. A picture of him sat on his own like a spare part would look weird.

A pound to a penny if the op's ex had sent a picture of their son on his own she'd have been on here moaning that the ex was rubbing it in that he was lonely on his birthday and chastising her for going away on his 18th.

Err not as his brother was also there.

And FFS, as if I need to make the point I wouldn't have cared who he was with, but I don't expect a picture like that in the same way I wouldn't send the same and expect he'd feel the same!!

Each to their own. I'll take this now and remember not to post in AIBU again

I wouldn't send the same and expect he'd feel the same!!

Doubt it. Most people wouldn't have an issue with it but most people wouldn't be on holiday for their sons 18th

Yabu and you are being the weird one

I don't see the big deal but only you know the history between you, and you feel the way you do for a reason. E.g. game playing is something he used to do with you regularly.

Spooky - his whole life is about playing the game.

We all share pictures frequently, and I can honestly say that DP doesn'tt bat an eyelid at receiving a picture of his DS with his ex and their husband, nor do we co sider not sending pics that have me in! If you've both moved on I really don't see how/why it could hurt anyone.

That said, if you never share pictures it COULD be a pointed, not nice move on his part. It could just be a nice gesture though.

Then YANBU. Everyones perspective will be different on this as we are thinking about how our own partners would be... I would just carry on as you are and not reply, and put it out of your mind. Don't give him a reaction!

Absolutely no need to go on holiday when it is your DS 18th birthday imo

How is this even relevant to the original post?

One thing for sure, posting in AIBU shows how very different we all think, but we do come from varying walks of life, which no doubt affects how we think.

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OP, sorry to say this, but you seem very , very defensive. Given the responses here, can you not see that you may be being a tad bit unreasonable?

The pair of don't communicate and can't communicate from the sounds of it. Any move on his part to end the animosity (by sending some nice pictures, for example) is met with anger. So even if he wanted to make amends and try to communicate nicely for the sake of your grown children, that's never going to be something that you allow him to do.

How is this even relevant to the original post?

It is the reason the OP isn't at home to go out with her DS on his 18th birthday so there is a photo of him out with his dad and gf so yeah it is relevant.

If your son was a small child I'd get it but as an adult? Even if the girlfriend was still casual it's hardly going to change the family dynamics at this stage. It's a dad plus friend out with his adult son .

YABU, I don't think it's weird at all....
And even if he was trying to "play" some sort of game, the best thing to do would be to not make a big deal out of this.

Sorry I wouldn't send pictures of me and my Hubby to my ex.... why would he want to see them?? Even if our DC were on the pics..... I don't want to see pics of him either.... no interest.
I do send photos of the DC though and he send them to me..... just the DC that's our only common interest x