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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Exh sending pics of him and girlfriend and DH

71 replies

fannyfanackapan · 12/01/2017 21:26

I think IANBU and he only sent them to make a point but happy to be told otherwise.

On holiday when DS birthday this week. Spoke to him about it long before booking, no issues for him, gets money for birthday and apparently going out with mates as reaching 18, didn't want party or fuss, not his style.

Anyway, on said Birthday get two picture messages from exh showing him, his current girlfriend and both DS. No concern from me that he has taken them out for DS2 birthday, but why include him and his girlfriend? Does he want me to react? Is he trying for a guilt trip that I wasn't there?

Needless to say I haven't responded and I wish I could block him but DS1 has mental health issues which we need to correspond on.

Sorry, rant over!!

OP posts:
pictish · 12/01/2017 22:10

Maybe she thinks he should have just sent a photo of the boys.

JustSpeakSense · 12/01/2017 22:13

If you need a grip I think I may have a spare one for you Hmm

Bluntness100 · 12/01/2017 22:15

Is the issue you didn't do anything for your sons 18th and they did? Is that it, you feel bad? Or is if because he has a girlfriend? Sorry, it's really hard to tell why you're so upset as you have obviously been split long enough for you to marry again.

PinkBunnyOnesieOnOrder · 12/01/2017 22:18

YANBU. It was unnecessary, he could have sent one just of DS or him & DS...no need to send 'a family photo'. Either extremely tactless or goady. Best ignored.

wannabestressfree · 12/01/2017 22:18

You feel guilty for leaving him and this has made it worse....

Lelloteddy · 12/01/2017 22:20

OP I think you should print it out, get it blown up on a canvas and put in over your mantelpiece Grin

MyWineTime · 12/01/2017 22:22

I don't understand why this would bother you (or anyone)
Why is it a problem if your ex has a gf? Would you prefer it if he was single or miserable?
This is just a photo of your DS on his birthday with the people he celebrated it with.

Wauden · 12/01/2017 22:22

It was thoughtless of him. I wouldn't react or respond. YANBU.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 12/01/2017 22:27

You have remarried, he has a new gf.

Not sure why it bothers you so much.

WicksEnd · 12/01/2017 22:33

Maybe you're feeling guilty, Turning 18 is a significant birthday (IMO) and even if my ds hadn't wanted to spend the evening out with me and the rest of the family (understandably!) I personally wouldn't have gone away as I'd want to be there to wish him a happy birthday. Your ex probably thought you'd appreciate the picture (unless there's a back story) and has made you feel uncomfortable as ds is now spending his 18th with exs girlfriend.

Would you have preferred it if nobody had seen him? Confused

Mynestisfullofempty · 12/01/2017 22:41

I can't see that your ex has done anything wrong at all.

Italiangreyhound · 12/01/2017 22:54

Fanny I hardly ever say that the OP is being unreasonable but on this occasion I agree with Ginkypig "Unless there is loads you've left unsaid so we're not getting the full picture then I kindly think yabu"

I wonder if you are a bit sad that you thought your ds was going out with mates and he ended up with dad, brother and dad's girlfriend. Had you known they were doing that, would you have wanted to be there too?

I hope you can reply with a cheery reply. Maybe something like "Great photo, give ds a hug from me and I'll be taking him out for a pint when I get back." Or similar and not worry any more.

If there was anything odd in your ex sending the photo your polite cheery reply will mean he doesn't get any satisfaction for sending it! But maybe if your son sees the message he will know you are happy for him.

And if, as I hope, your dh was just being nice then hopefully he will show you son and they will both know you appreciated the photo.

I do think it is good your son went out with family and not mates or alone on his birthday.

Good luck and enjoy the rest of your holiday.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 12/01/2017 23:03

Sorry but this one of the the reasons why step family life is so hard. Because things that aren't an issue become a massive issue...for no reason. Stop making it a big deal. Why is your exH and his girlfriend being in the picture so offensive to you?

"Traded down" - lelloteddy, how charming. Hmm

TheStoic · 12/01/2017 23:29

Sounds a bit strange, if you don't already have that kind of relationship.

Can't imagine my partner taking a picture including me and his daughters, and sending it to his ex-wife.

GilMartin · 12/01/2017 23:52

Stand by for massive drip feed from the op in 5-4-3-2-1

Alisvolatpropiis · 12/01/2017 23:55

Yabu

melj1213 · 12/01/2017 23:56

YABU - your Ex wanted to make you feel included in your DS' birthday celebration by sending a picture, but when he checked his phone, the only "nice"/best picture just happened to be the one with his partner in it or even it was the ony picture taken on his phone that he had to send (I'm forever thinking I took hundreds of pictures and wondering why I only have one or two on my phone before I remember I was using multiple peoples' phones to take pictures for them so didn't take my own) ... can't you just appreciate that he sent you a picture of your DS on his birthday, which is more than he needed to do and actually quite thoughtful?

blowmybarnacles · 13/01/2017 00:00

Its his 18th and you are on holiday? Nice. Confused

Original poster
fannyfanackapan · 13/01/2017 15:19

Late response as travelling back from holiday.

Me and exh don't communicate at all apart from very rare text about DS1. We don't 'share' pics, niceties or anything, it's just the way it is.

I just found it strange to get two pictures, with no message at all showing exh, new girlfriend and DS's. I have no issues whatsoever with the fact that exh took DS2 out for his birthday, in fact it's the first time ever and DS1 was quite surprised. It just seemed weird and to be honest I wasn't sure whether there was a 'game' being played or not.

I wouldn't consider sending a pic of either of my DS's with my DP as personally I don't see it as appropriate. For those that clearly do so, great!

With regards to the holiday, as mentioned previously, it was discussed and agreed with DS2. Work commitments meant I couldn't go at a different time. We Skyped over the holiday and on his birthday.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 13/01/2017 15:29

It just seemed weird and to be honest I wasn't sure whether there was a 'game' being played or not.

BarbarianMum · 13/01/2017 15:35

I wouldn't consider sending a pic of either of my DS's with my DP as personally I don't see it as appropriate.

Seriously? It wouldn't be appropriate if you were still married but being allowed to form new relationships is one of the benefits of divorce, isn't it??

Madder than fish

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 13/01/2017 15:39

I wouldn't consider sending a pic of either of my DS's with my DP as personally I don't see it as appropriate.

In what way is it not appropriate Hmm

I still wouldn't go on holiday over a major birthday like that, work commitments or not. I also find it hard to believe that there is no other time in the entire year when you can go on holiday

Original poster
fannyfanackapan · 13/01/2017 16:06

Jeez, just me that thinks like this then!

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 13/01/2017 16:14

Was she the OW by any chance? Just ignore him, don't comment on it.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 13/01/2017 16:21

You have no way of knowing what he intended-I'd have replied "Lovely pics, thanks for sending." If he is trying to make a point, that would annoy him. If not, it's just a polite response.

^^ This.

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