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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

IABU but I need to vent!

54 replies

PleaseStopTalkingAtMe · 12/01/2017 13:42

I have a 7 week old baby who I am EBFing (out of laziness more than anything else).

My friend gave birth to her baby over Christmas.

Just seen on Facebook my friend and her DP have been put on a date night. Their baby is three weeks old FFS!! How??!!

It's made me really irrationally angry.

I want a date night!

OP posts:
allowlsthinkalot · 12/01/2017 13:52

I think ff babies do sleep better and without a doubt it's easier to leave them if that's what you want.

My youngest is two and still no date night though!

HystericalWoman · 12/01/2017 13:53

Angry? Or envious?

Organise one OP

Get a sitter and organize a date night

Branleuse · 12/01/2017 13:54

i dont get it. Why are you angry and why do you need to vent?

NavyandWhite · 12/01/2017 14:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DailyFail1 · 12/01/2017 14:16

Sister was ebfing too but still found time for dates. She expressed her milk and whoever babysat neices/nephews fed them with a little pippette thing.

Soubriquet · 12/01/2017 14:18

Not everyone wants to stay home every day and night

Some people want to still have couple time

Nothing wrong with that.

ParadiseCity · 12/01/2017 14:20

Its facebook, its not real! They probably went to the pub for 10 mins, argued about whether to phone the babysitter, went home, he suggested a shag, she was horrified, the baby woke up, it all ended in tears. Wine

Congrats on your baby. Please give their head a big sniff from me.

DurhamDurham · 12/01/2017 14:20

I could understand on bing jealous/envious but not angry or needing to vent.
What's that saying.....comparison is the thief of joy.

I became a much happier parent when I stopped looking at what other families had or did.

Keep in mind you would like a night out and start planning Smile

empirerecordsrocked · 12/01/2017 14:21

Organise one then op! Doesn't need to be for long.

MrsStinkey · 12/01/2017 14:23

I EBF DD2 and had a "date night" where she went to DM and DDads overnight when she was 2 weeks old. We dropped off late and picked her up very early but it was lovely to spend a bit of time with DH. I just got up in the night a couple of times and expressed for half an hour. I also had a night away with Dsis when DD2 was about 6 weeks old. Was lovely to just be "me" again. I also just got up on the night a couple of times to express and expressed once before we went out in the eveningvthen once when we got up in the morning. Love my DD's dearly but I like a little time away sometimes to feel like the old MrsStinkey. You should organise a date night OP if you'd like one!

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 12/01/2017 14:24

I ebf DD and when she was 6 weeks old we went on a date night. I Facebooked it. It looked fantastic.

The reality was sore boobs, missing DD, both of us too tired to enjoy it.
Don't believe everything you see on Facebook. .
As an aside, my DD sleeps and has always slept better than her ff peers from my antenatal group. Some sleep, some don't, methods of feeding make very little difference.

sianihedgehog · 12/01/2017 14:24

Op, I exclusively breastfed and I get your envy. My baby fed every hour, for an hour, around the clock. The idea of a few hours not breastfeeding was so wonderfully exotic that I could barely imagine it.

That said, most people agree that pumping and giving a few bottles of expressed milk will do no harm at all to the breastfeeding relationship after 8 weeks. I wish I had managed to express and go on a date much earlier than I did! Give it a shot and start building up a stash of milk in the freezer.

dollydaydream114 · 12/01/2017 14:24

I don't have kids, so I'm confused.

What exactly is the issue here? Why is it a problem that your friend's doing things differently?

This all reads like a bit of a breastfeeding humblebrag and a sly dig at mums who bottle-feed and are able to have a night out while you're at home being saintly. I'm sure that wasn't your intention but I honestly don't understand what there is to be angry about? You've both made your own choices.

Original poster
PleaseStopTalkingAtMe · 12/01/2017 14:25

It's straight up envy. I did say I was B U.

I don't think baby would take a bottle. And I don't have anyone to babysit. I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving him with a stranger when he's quite so tiny.

OP posts:
PunjanaTea · 12/01/2017 14:28

I went out for dinner with DH when DS1 was 4 weeks old. He was EBF at that stage. We went to a restaurant 5 minutes walk from my PILs house whilst DS1 was asleep. We were out for less than two hours and I would have gone back to feed.

It wasn't the best night out ever, I felt hugely guilty for 'abandoning' my newborn. But I tried to look like I was having a good time.

PunjanaTea · 12/01/2017 14:30

At that age you could have a date night or lunch with baby asleep in pram or car seat. Although you may have a baby disinclined for sleeping in public places or other children.

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 12/01/2017 14:30

I think Paradise has it, lol.

abbsisspartacus · 12/01/2017 14:31

I've had about two date nights in 16 years I get your envy I really do

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 12/01/2017 14:31

I went to an engagement party when my DD was a week old. We put it on facebook...

Actually, I cried from my c section pain, my friend got moody at me because I sat down all night and DD screamed all evening for my parents so I added guilt into the mix too.

But on facebook I'm smiling Wink

Ilovecaindingle · 12/01/2017 14:33

When my dd was 3 weeks we went out for a meal. Had to go home early due to leaky boobs and soggy black top!!
Wasn't a good look!!

HeyMicky · 12/01/2017 14:34

DH and I went out when DD2 was 4 weeks old, for our anniversary. We went to a restaurant 5 mins from PILs' house, I fed DD2 before I went, left a bottle of expressed milk and was back in time for the next feed.

It wasn't that glamorous but it's doable, provided you have babysitters and a baby who will take a bottle

CurlsNoMore · 12/01/2017 14:35

I totally get this OP! Vent away as you aren't alone. I couldn't go out for date nights early on as even if I cld pump enough, and the baby would accept it, I wld have had to spend part of the date pumping.
Yes it doesn't last forever but it can make you grumpy and jealous. Hugs & solidarity, you aren't alone!

toptoe · 12/01/2017 14:46

FB is usually bollocks though, isn't it? Self advertising that is not the whole picture.

notfromstepford · 12/01/2017 14:47

Paradise that made me laugh - probably spot on Grin

OP nothing wrong with a bit of envy. My eldest is nearly 5 and me and DH have been out a total of 2 times without the DSs. We have no babysitter and both times we've been out to our fave restaurant we've both felt really guilty because DS loves a good curry and we missed him!

I don't want to go out without him, but envy those that can and do! Irrational I know but it's the way it is.

Aki23 · 12/01/2017 14:50

I spent a day at a wedding whilst BF - expressing throughout the day - easy. Had a lovely day with DH and friends. My parents looked after 7 week old for the night before and after giving LO expressed breast milk. Just plan it then do it

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