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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

IABU but I need to vent!

54 replies

PleaseStopTalkingAtMe · 12/01/2017 13:42

I have a 7 week old baby who I am EBFing (out of laziness more than anything else).

My friend gave birth to her baby over Christmas.

Just seen on Facebook my friend and her DP have been put on a date night. Their baby is three weeks old FFS!! How??!!

It's made me really irrationally angry.

I want a date night!

OP posts:
Aki23 · 12/01/2017 14:50

Is there any reason you cant leave your LO for a night out?

Trifleorbust · 12/01/2017 14:56

I would love to go for a night out but I think my DD (4 weeks) would be really upset being fed expressed milk from a pipette and not having mummy cuddles Confused

I think in a few weeks' time I will introduce a bottle and try mixed feeding, but I would rather miss our on a few nights in the pub than think about my baby sobbing because it's 11pm and she is expecting her feed Sad

Others can do what they like of course.

Aki23 · 12/01/2017 14:56

I will say that there was a lot of planning for the wedding - ice bag/packs kept in car and mini express kit in handbag - but shows it is doable :)

Aki23 · 12/01/2017 14:58

Trifle - you say you think you will be upset and so will your baby - its worth trying a pipette/bottle whilst you are there giving mummy cuddles - but of course only if you want to be away, otherwise just keep doing what you are happy with :)

Earlgreywithmilk · 12/01/2017 14:59

Of course a date night is possible, how are u going to go on if u ebf for the next 1-2 years? Constantly have baby by your side? The problem is that you don't have a babysitter so u need to organize one. Either that or leave baby with dad and have a night out with ur mates.

Trifleorbust · 12/01/2017 15:01

Aki23: Yes, I will start trying a bottle in a few weeks' time. I honestly feel she isn't old enough at the moment. Thanks, though.

Aki23 · 12/01/2017 15:04

Trifle - just saying this from experience (you can do what ever you feel is best for you both), but we tried LO with a bottle and BM at 2 weeks and he took to that and was straight back on the boob for the next meal and we have no trouble with either (fully bottle now as back to work and after six months I felt I was ready to stop - just wish boobs would get the message and stop producing milk - 2 weeks later!). Good luck :)

Original poster
PleaseStopTalkingAtMe · 12/01/2017 16:26

Im not sure whether I would leave him to have a night out even if I was able to. But I'm envious that I don't have the option!

OP posts:
cathf · 12/01/2017 17:11

Slighty over-dramatic don't you think, trifle??

you stay at home OP, safe in the knowledge that you are a better mother than those awful ffing ones.

Just make sure you draw everyon'e attention to the fact you are better though - the last thing to want to do is be a martyr and non-one notices.

Aki23 · 12/01/2017 17:30

Cath - I wonder sometimes if it can be a confidence thing. I have a friend with an older baby who couldn't bear to leave their lo and no one was good enough/qualified enough to care for lo. Now they can't leave the house without lo screaming 😢It can be a steep learning curve and I think I was lucky having seen others struggle that I was able to let others take over and know that I wasn't the only one who could (and should) do it. Something I feel they should be teaching on baby courses rather than what to pack on your bag - that never even made it out of the car till after the birth!!!

Manijo · 12/01/2017 17:35

DD was 2 weeks when we left her for the first time to go out with friends. I was BF and expressing. Froze my milk. Hey presto...desperate DGP couldn't wait to babysit.

Trifleorbust · 12/01/2017 17:54

cathf: No, I don't. I'm sure she will be fine in a few weeks but I am not comfortable leaving her at this age.

Giddyaunt18 · 12/01/2017 17:55

We went out for 2 hours at 6 weeks. Felt like a fat lard, looked wretched and worried about DD the whole time. Th longer you leave it the better it will be because you will have recovered. I doubt very much they had a great time.

Trifleorbust · 12/01/2017 17:56

Aki23: I am very confident with my daughter. I simply think she is a little too young to be left.

Dieu · 12/01/2017 18:12

Good on your friend. The couples who make the effort stay together. Unlike those who haven't bothered going on a date 3 years later. Harsh but true.

WhooooAmI24601 · 12/01/2017 18:22

Dieu I know a couple with 5 boys who've been together for 18 years and never had a night away from their DCs. They're the nicest, happiest family imaginable; they just don't want or need time away. Not every relationship fails because they've not had enough date nights.

Saying that, DH and I are massively selfish and go out together without the DCs at least once a month. We also go away for lovely weekends abroad while they stay with Grandparents and have a whale of a time eating too many sweets and not abiding by the rules. We need it. Some couples do, it's not a sign of a winning or losing relationship.

OP envying others is fine. You just have to make sure you don't change your own actions/behaviour because of the envy. Carry on and find your own path with your own DC. And remember that 90% of whats on Facebook is the sparkly highlights. Nobody would tag themselves down the local saying "shitty night out without the baby, indigestion after a glass of shitey wine, burst into tears at the menu, bled through my trousers and DH says he'd like a blow job when we get home".

Bumblebee35 · 12/01/2017 19:06

Currently sat here breastfeeding my 15week old baby. The time shall pass and you'll soon be going out again! Enjoy the moment and start planning a night out for when both you and the baby will be able to enjoy it. There is plenty of time for date nights but they are only babies for a very short while!!!

Shitinashed · 12/01/2017 20:30

Why do you have to go out why can't you do it at home? Settle bub, get in some junk food, turn off phones and snuggle up on lounge watching soppy movies. Our youngest is 16 and we still do it. Actually enjoy it more than going out. I find you connect more without the hassle of going out. Plus if bub wakes up you get family snuggles as well. Win win.

JassyRadlett · 12/01/2017 20:35

DS2 refused bottles until he was 8 months. I had a lot of moments being madly jealous of people who got to have social lives including DH.

MrsBlennerhassett · 12/01/2017 20:41

I went to a luxury B&B by myself when my LO was a week old. My DH sorted it to try and get me some unbroken sleep because i was going loops. On facebook it would have looked brill because i took pics of the beautiful room and claw footed bath and tea service etc
In reality i didnt sleep at all and as i had been breastfeeding i leaked milk all over myself and the bed and one of my boobs went rock solid because i didnt pump enough.
I rang my DH to listen to my baby for about three hours in the middle of the night.

Scooby20 · 12/01/2017 20:44

I really dislike the 'i bet she had a shit time' responses to these threads. Almost as much as the responses that try and make out that it makes you superior if you dont go out.

Mouthfulofquiz · 12/01/2017 20:51

I cried when I missed out on a party when my DS was 4 weeks old. I too was EBF and there is no way in hell I could have left him. He BF all day and all night. I felt so envious of everyone! So I do understand - but I expect their date night has been all baby talk, tiredness and secretly wanting to get home to the baby!!!

EB123 · 12/01/2017 20:59

Good on her!
We have 3 boys the youngest is 9 months and I haven't left him yet (he is ff too). I will leave him when we are both ready. DH have mini date nights at home with a film, food etc

SirMixALot · 12/01/2017 21:10

Just shows how everyone is different, no way would I have wanted to leave my newborn at three weeks old.

MrsBlennerhassett I love your NNSmile

AfroPuffs · 12/01/2017 21:16

Why did the first responder assume your friends baby is FF? The way the friend has chosen to feed her baby isn't actually mentioned Confused

Anyway, there is no reason at all why you cannot go out for a few hours with your DP/DH. The baby will survive and most likely take a bottle if hungry. I doubt your friend is doing an all nighter and gone for dinner for 2 to 3hrs max.

But I wouldn't to be honest...baby is too young and I wouldn't want to be away from them at this age.