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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed off with Dh about this! (Plus update on previous thread)

69 replies

HannahSmithson45 · 10/01/2017 18:24

Dh has booked a skiing holiday for his son (my stepson) as well as his nephew and his friend and son.

This is the first I have heard of the holiday and I am a bit annoyed that I and my son have not been considered by Dh to go. I don't know or want to know how to ski (plus i'm pregnant). This is also annoying as it means we wont have a family holiday until next year as i'm due in the summer and my son and dh step daughter (who is not going as well) have GCSE's will be full of revision for them.

We had some issues recently in regards to his step kids behaviour towards my son and while that has improved in the last couple of weeks it is also still very raw. However this is not linked to that because dh has been just as inconsiderate to his step daughter as to me or his stepson.

Im pregnant fgs he should not be going away for the week without me, also the place they are staying is a spa so i could just relax there. My son could always learn to ski, but dh had not even offered to add us on to the holiday.

OP posts:

kaputt · 10/01/2017 21:15

Eh? He planned and booked an entire ski holiday without you knowing anything about it?

Seriously I cannot fathom this happening in my house. Just in general day to day chat! How does something like this not come up!

Original poster

HannahSmithson45 · 11/01/2017 10:22

Step daughter is dh daughter my step daughter.

We do keep our finances separate.

OP posts:

Memoires · 11/01/2017 10:31

So he takes his sons away but not his daughter?!

He's a charmer isn't he? What on earth do you see in him?

Original poster

HannahSmithson45 · 11/01/2017 10:35

So he takes his sons away but not his daughter?! shock

Exactly.

I dont know what I see in him, he can be great at times but also the opposite.

OP posts:

HardofCleaning · 11/01/2017 10:39

He sounds like a massive arse. Ignoring the whys and wherefores of who is and isn't going who on earth makes a massive purchase like a holiday without consulting their partner. Even if it was free I would never consider agreeing to go on a holiday without talking to my DH first and if I was a guy I would never exclude my pregnant wife or step son (or my own daughter) from a holiday.

TO be honest it doesn't sound like you or your DS are part of his family.

MorrisZapp · 11/01/2017 10:44

Ok so we've established that he's a total prick. What are you planning to do about it?

StewieGMum · 11/01/2017 10:47

You know what you need to do here. This man is not going to change. He doesn't respect you or your son. He treats you both as second class members of the family and is allowing your son to be bullied on his own home. There is no scenario in which your DH miraculously becomes a good partner and father. He has no interest in doing so. Question isn't what he should do anymore, it's what are you going to do. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life like this? Does your son deserve to be treated like this?

xStefx · 11/01/2017 10:55

As above, he treats you and your son as 2nd class. If he does this no wonder his children act the way they do towards you and your son. Concentrate on giving your children all they need, he obviously has no intention of putting any effort into making you happy.

RogueStar01 · 11/01/2017 11:13

your tosser of a DH needs to pay for a holiday for you and your step daughter - i'm sure you need some girlie bonding time on a spa break to cement your relationship whilst they're on their lads weekend. Seriously though, the unilateral decision making and lack of consultation is very bad.

RogueStar01 · 11/01/2017 11:14

oh goodness, I just read he's left your DS out too. So he's invited DN but not your DS? This is even worse. Your poor DS.

Original poster

HannahSmithson45 · 11/01/2017 11:30

Apparently it's been planned for ages, well this is the first he told me about it. I am very annoyed he knows I am annoyed. I'm pregnant with his child as well fgs.

OP posts:

MorrisZapp · 11/01/2017 11:33

Sorry, are you reading any of the responses to this thread you started?

Chocolatedragon · 11/01/2017 11:41

Sorry, I am not familar with your previous posts but I am at a complete loss to understand how he would have booked a holiday without any discussion with you. How is that any sort of relationship? This is not how things work in any couple or family unit. Very worrying in my book.

whattodowiththepoo · 11/01/2017 11:44

Does step daughter ski?
How long has this been planned and why didn't he discuss it with you before?

RogueStar01 · 11/01/2017 11:55

unless he planned it before you met, how does that make it better that it was planned ages ago. Makes it worse - he's not bothered to tell you for even longer.

Megatherium · 11/01/2017 12:11

I'm with everyone else, it's completely bizarre to book this sort of holiday without mentioning it to you before booking. How does he know you don't have plans that week for which you might need his support? What did he say when you made it clear that you were annoyed?

Memoires · 11/01/2017 12:57

Hannah, honestly, you deserve better. Your son deserves better. Your unborn child deserves better.

There is nothing in the world that he can give you, that makes it worth putting up with this sort of treatment.

Have you read the op to this thread?

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 11/01/2017 13:13

He sounds like a massive twat from this thread alone -I'm not familiar with your others.
Why on earth would you tolerate this? Am also surprised SD mum has had nothing to say?

Foxysoxy01 · 11/01/2017 13:13

Why are you putting your son through this rejection?

You can be in this rather crappy relationship, that's on your own head but your son has been dragged into a relationship with a man who clearly doesn't give a shit about him, his mother or the new baby. He has to live with the sting everyday of knowing his step father and step siblings thinks he is a second class citizen and worth less then any of them.

It's really terribly sad and I feel awful for your son

ohfourfoxache · 11/01/2017 13:16

Hannah he isn't a nice bloke. He just isn't. He's a twunt - inconsiderate, inconsistent and deceptive.

What on earth are you doing with him?

Creampastry · 11/01/2017 13:18

Leave him. He's a shit.

eyespydreams · 11/01/2017 13:24

The stepchildren clearly get the cues on how to treat your ds from him!

WatchfulOwl · 11/01/2017 14:33

Another who just feels so sad for your DS, why do you allow him to be treated like this?

If it's because you are financially dependant on this man, then what are you doing to change that?

Your life sounds miserable for all involved. Holidays are the least of your problems.

Jenny70 · 11/01/2017 14:33

So your DH has booked a ski holiday for the boys, including his nephew, friend and friend's son, but not his own stepson? That speaks volumes.

And to not discuss it, mention it, or think of you being pregnant, his daughter left out and your son ignored... that's terrible.

I would be seeing if he can cancel and get some money back... might be a lot cheaper to lose the holiday money than his marriage and family with his unborn child, as I doubt I'd be there when he got back.

inlectorecumbit · 11/01/2017 14:46

Ask him what he values more--which is he prepared to sacrifice. His holiday or his relationship. He can't have both

ps he is an arse

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