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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pretty sure IANBU but these people think I am?

48 replies

harrypotternerd · 10/01/2017 05:45

Long story so will try to keep it as short as possible. My dp's birthday is new years eve, so I planned a party for him, it was a BBQ and people were told to bring their own drinks. My DC went to their father's house for a week and it because of that we had said no children. People all got back to me and said they were coming and that was all good. No one mentioned about bringing children or extra people. We supplied all the food which we did based on the numbers who said were coming. On NYE one couple turned up with 4 extra adults and 2 toddlers. My DP and I were not exactly happy about this but did not say anything as it was DP's father's house and we did not want to cause any trouble at his house. There are extensions going on at the house so we said if the toddlers were going to go outside they needed to be supervised, there is also an old dog who is friendly but I did not think a toddler should be left unsupervised, especially since the dog has arthritis and I did not want the dog to snap at the toddler. DP's father and I were outside at the BBQ, organising the meat. The BBQ is at the side of the house so we cannot see the garden from it. Nobody told us that the toddlers were outside. We suddenly hear a scream so we both run around to the garden and one of the toddlers is sitting near the extension work and crying. He had scraped his arm on a nail. I take him inside to his mother who then complains that she needs a break as well and it's NYE and it was not fair that I wasn't watching her son and did not deal with the injury. DP's father told her there was not supposed to be any children here in the first place, that we had no idea that she was coming and she was told to not let the toddlers out the back unsupervised.
My DP also had enough when we realised they were drinking our drinks because they did not bring any and said that it was enough and the toddlers had to go home (it was about 9pm at this stage). These people are now bad mouthing us on Facebook and I have received messages off their friends telling me how unreasonable we were. So WIBU?

OP posts:
lovelearning · 10/01/2017 05:57

WIBU?

Not at all

Could you block the Facebook offenders?

Trifleorbust · 10/01/2017 06:10

They sound awful. Of course YWNBU.

Original poster
harrypotternerd · 10/01/2017 06:12

I have ended up blocking them and have a lot of stress ATM (DP was made redundant end of last year and has only just got a job and my DD has been in and out of hospital since May) and it just got to me.

OP posts:
bittapitta · 10/01/2017 06:14

Well what is their version of the story they've put on FB? Can't understand why anyone would say YABU but I guess they are telling this differently. You really should have turned them away sooner IMO, politely but firmly reiterated no kids.

ShanghaiDiva · 10/01/2017 06:14

Up to parents to supervise their own children and it's a cheek expecting you to do it - YWNBU.

Chottie · 10/01/2017 06:27

Ignore, ignore, ignore
Do not give these people any headspace
Block and move on.........

Bettyspants · 10/01/2017 06:30

Awful. Block them . I'm petty and would put a true version on FB but I'm pretty sure that's very immature of me and not to be recommended. Hope 2017 goes on to be a better year than last for you x

picklemepopcorn · 10/01/2017 06:33

I suppose the 'hangers on' didn't actually get invited so didn't know the expectation. Very rude, though.

Helloitsme87 · 10/01/2017 06:45

She was VU to expect you to look after her kids when you said no kids and were cooking. And bought 4 extra adults. Block them or air your dirty laundry and explain your version on fb (always wary of this) and people getting involved clearly have no idea and were miffed not to be invited. Just ignore. You do not need to justify it. She should have been watching her kids.

HardofCleaning · 10/01/2017 07:00

What a bunch of freeloaders. Did't bring their own drinks, brought toddlers when told not to and expected you to babysit for them too (that would be outrageous even if kids had been invited)!

HashiAsLarry · 10/01/2017 07:02

Of course they need to bad mouth you on this. They chose to show up with kids and 4 other adults in tow, yet you still warned them to watch their kids and they failed. You ended up kicking them out. Its not like they can admit to their friends they were arseholes, which means you need to be made out to be arseholes.

Like hello says you either ignore them or publicly air your views on rude houseguests.

hmcAsWas · 10/01/2017 07:29

You were not unreasonable in the least, whereas they sound like chancers with no boundaries.

YouTheCat · 10/01/2017 07:34

Those poor people! Having their new year ruined and having to supervise their own children who were not invited anyway . Grin

YANBU, OP. I don't know what goes through some people's heads. No way would I ever bring unexpected adults, never mind children, to a party.

kissmethere · 10/01/2017 07:51

Yanbu. What are they saying happened?
I can imagine it's that you invited them and had an unsupervised dog and BBQ in the dark with a death trap garden? You are awful people, everyone was drunk and you ruined their nye?
They sound like arse holes.

228agreenend · 10/01/2017 08:07

I think you are definitely not u reasonable apart from drinks. Four extra people plus two toddlers on a child-free night is unreasonable, and it's their child so they should have been responsible for him/her.

However, even though you asked people to bring drinks, I think you were a little unreasonable regarding this. As a host, I would always provide drinks, even if the guests had bought some themselves.

Original poster
harrypotternerd · 10/01/2017 08:14

I am talking drinks as in alcohol, there was plenty of tea, coffee, soft drink and juice plus we did provide a few bottles of wine (we were given as a present so were not expecting that)

OP posts:
LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 10/01/2017 08:15

Ywnbu! Supervise your own damn kids. And who brings people to a party without asking?Shock

Phantommanflinger · 10/01/2017 08:36

YWNBU
I think I'd set out the true version of events a you have above on FB as you are being verbally attacked by their flying monkeys?
You don't have to look at any replies or engage with any arguing from people.

TheOtherSock · 10/01/2017 08:56

Friend,

I hope you and the extra guests you invited enjoyed our BBQ party. I'm sorry that DS was injured when you let him into the construction area, and hope his scratch heals soon.

It was lovely to have so many of our generous friends pitch in to celebrate NYE and DP's birthday with us, and I hope you managed to find something nice to drink from the selection others brought.

harry

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 10/01/2017 08:58

What have they actually said on fb?

Original poster
harrypotternerd · 10/01/2017 09:01

I do like that sock, and I was quite upset their child was hurt. They are accusing me of having my kids in a dangerous environment. My kids are not in the garden at DP fathers without an adult, the dog is friendly but I am concerned about his age, IME an old dog can snap at someone if they are a bit too rough or being chased etc.

The version they gave people: we invited them all (including kids) there was glass and nails all over the house and yard and I had agreed to supervise and instead went and got drunk and spoke on the phone (to be fair I did speak on the phone to my Best friend who lives 9 hours away to say Happy new year.)

OP posts:
Original poster
harrypotternerd · 10/01/2017 09:02

oh and we didnt supervise their kids around an aggressive dog (because I said he MAY snap if the kids were too rough or chased him)

OP posts:
LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 10/01/2017 09:10

Why the need to whine on fb! Post your version then cut them out.

Bluntness100 · 10/01/2017 09:14

Seems like a total mismatch of communication, did someone tell her she was invited and you'd supervise the kids? I'd guess someone did.

expatinscotland · 10/01/2017 09:19

I'd have turned them away at the door. Don't think BYOB is unreasonable, either (it's also the norm in many places - are you in Oz or NZ? Just asking as it was a BBQ and it's not exactly BBQ weather in the UK. Also because IIRC, pretty common in Oz and NZ to have BYOB parties).

Block every one of these freeloading gits.

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