14th Birthday Party - Cocktail dresses and heels please!

[laSegundaPaloma]

This was stated on the e-mail invite for the 14th birthday party of a girl DS1 knows. The dress code for the boys was "smart jackets - no jeans please".
DH picked DS and some girls up from this party at 11.30pm last Saturday. Things were in full swing - DS was on about staying later and getting an Uber home DH was shocked to see all the girls tottering round in high stilettos. In the car on the way home, he was listening to the girls debating whether so-and-so's shoes were actually Jimmy Choos or fakes
Has anyone ever encountered anything like this?

I feel old! (And I'm only 29)
I got my first pair of heels (patent cream Mary Janes) for my confirmation at 15.

We were still doing sleepovers at 14 for birthdays, I remember for my 15th my parents paid for me and a few friends to have a meal at the local nice Italian restaurant and I thought that was very sophisticated.

I grew up in Southern Europe and wasn't allowed out to parties until about 17 and even then had to have a brother or some cousin or other around. Probably why I'm in shock at all this!

Mmnnn I don't mind being called mad for spending that amount but we do the whole of womankind a disservice if we refer to young girls as 'trashy' based on what they choose to wear. It's a horrid word and in my experience is usually used by rather uneducated women about girls/women they feel dress in a way that is akin (in their sad opinion) to sex workers. That is definitely not what you pay the money for. It's much cheaper to buy a 'trashy look' and much more expensive to find something suitable, elegant and yet suitable for a child.

Parents were required to attend as school did not want to take responsibility for lots of drunken teenagers. If parents go, they retain responsibility. We have built up close relationships with staff, pupils and other parents over time and our children recognise this and they actually like having a really special evening (not a disco) with parents to celebrate their time together. Our children (and those of friends) have always enjoyed both separate events such as clubbing for just the youngsters and events such as drinks parties and supper parties that span the generations. How else do they learn appropriate social behaviours?

I let 14y DD have some fairly high heels for a wedding we went to last November. Not Jimmy Choo to be fair - think they were Kurt Geiger and in sale even. But they were high and thin nude heels. Worn with a lovely dress - short, scrappy no doubt. But looked nice and suited her, and the heels did make the outfit. She did change into her little roll-a-sale pumps for the racing later on though. She's had heels before, though these were probably the highest and most 'grown up' I guess.

Just because she is allowed to wear fancy outfits and heels, and make up occasionally doesn't mean she wants to all the time. She spends most of the time, when not in school uniform, in jeans, tee, hoodie and trainers. And she enjoys sleepovers and just hanging out with friends far more often than fancy meals out, etc. She did have a 'posh dinner' with friends last year - they planned and cooked a 3 course meal, then dressed up and enjoyed their 'dinner party' and not that long ago she and her friends hosted a 'cocktail' party here - they made some fabulous cocktails for the adults invited and some lovely cocktails for themselves.

Its just a mix - they aren't mutually exclusive and she most definitely isn't glammed up every day, nor every week. But she can certainly pull all the stops out on occasion too.

Its nothing new - I'm 43y and when I was at school girls were wearing heels and make up at 13/14y for the odd occasion too. And I have seen the odd picture of my mum and her sisters (now in their late 50s/early-mid 60s) in tiny mini skirts, 'inappropriate' shoes and make up done. At least the current make up fashions are a bit more classy and tasteful on the whole than the dodgy 80s versions!

Argh at calling young girls trashy. Certainly shouldn't be shamed by grown adults for wearing the odd pair of heels and some make up!

itsmine - no need for parents at proms here and they dont have a problem with drink. Drink is had at the after prom parties!

If it is purely the physical danger of wearing heels that worries you, rather than whether it looks OK, then surely the most important question is whether their feet have stopped growing. I was always told it's worse to wear heels or pointed shoes if your feet are growing. (As it happens, mine stopped growing at 12 - fortunately, as they were already size 7 - and I didn't even want to wear heels until I was about 18, but I did know people who were ceremonially and excitedly allowed their first heels when their feet hadn't grown for about a year.)

I know a few girls as young as 7 or 8 who sometimes wear heels for special occasions and personally I don't think it looks good on them, but what's much more important is that it can't be very comfortable. 7 year olds should be able to run around!

Blimey in the 80's I had loads of stilettos mostly from truform 😀
I remember tottering home in snow a few times too aged 14/15
Never again
Teenagers will always follow the crowd in fashion but bloody hell my dd is not getting designer shoes until she gets her own job !!!

Itsmine -no, you are ok, it's not 'normal' for the vast majority of society. I'm guessing Crumbs must inhabit Xenia's world.

actually, the word trashy came into my head due to their overall attitude (behaviour/verbal) not just outward appearance. I must add i don't think most 14 year olds behave like this lot.

Mine are 17 and 15 (boys) but never been to parties like that. Mostly seems to be hours parties where everyone's really casual.

I think it does vary though depending on the school and where you live. I have a FB friend with a daughter at private school. She was given Laboutins for her 16th birthday!

Truform

OMG that's going back a bit

No I wouldn't. N risk her getting a fracture😳

My dd was into doc martens at 14 but stunned me by buying a pair of Loubitons with her first months wages when she was 17 (about £550). My niece is 14 and according to her twitter is head to toe in expensive designer brands. She's a really pretty girl but the heavy makeup obliterates her features and makes her look really old but she talks about going for "cocktails with her besties" so I can only assume she has fake ID and her mum doesn't mind

I think a "kitten heel" is fine, but I think you need to be able to walk in a 4 inch heel without toppling over to carry it off. Mind you, most of them seem to manage! Where will it all end?

I suppose if you invite girls to your house and they turn up like that it's one thing, but to request it as a dress code in Year 9?