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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at DH

33 replies

Wonderland22 · 08/01/2017 16:40

So, DH has a nasty viral infection which he's been off work with. We have 2 DC (aged 3 and 7 months) who I have been taking care of for the past week to allow him to rest. When he's felt up to it for the odd hour here & there he has helped out but I've been doing the bulk to allow him to sleep.

Today I'm having a tough day. 7mo is teething badly and not herself, refusing to sleep, won't go in jumperoo, will basically scream the house down if I don't hold her.

DH has been in bed a lot of the day but up for an hour or so this morning.

After realising that the only thing we have in the house for dinner will require quite a lot of cooking, which will mean DD2 being very distressed while I cook, I decided on a takeaway. I literally look like I've been dragged through a busy backwards today as I haven't been feeling great myself either. My hair is still wet from my shower, I have mascara under my eyes and I have a baby glued to me so it's pretty impossible to make myself presentable.

I went upstairs to DH and asked him if he could possibly answer the door to the local delivery man as I'd be mortified to be seen like this. His response; "are you having a laugh???"

I just feel frustrated. He works away often and we don't have family nearby. I know he's not well but I've been unwell numerous times over the years, sickness bugs, viral infections and I've had no choice but to carry on being a mum and finding a way through the day often without a single person to help, hard though that is. If I was ill and someone said they'd take care of my 3 year old and tired, teething 7 month old and let me sleep but could I just answer the door once, I'd think I'd hit the jackpot. Maybe I'm being unreasonable so please tell me if I am being. DH is normally great and does so much around the house etc but in this instance, I just know things would be different if it was me who was ill.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 08/01/2017 16:43

YANBU.

Ill or not, he can still answer the door.

EmeraldScorn · 08/01/2017 16:47

I think the only "laugh" being had is from your husband.

I get it that he's sick, I've had a nasty viral infection since the 1st but unfortunately life continues and there's things to be done no matter how sick I feel.

He can answer the door, it's not going to be detrimental to his recovery, it'll take him all of a few minutes, no big deal.

Don't pander to him!

NavyandWhite · 08/01/2017 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MossytheMouse · 08/01/2017 16:51

Order for yourself and get nothing for him. The shit.

SadTrombone · 08/01/2017 16:51

YANBU

Try saying, in a very chipper voice "ok then DP in that case the only other option is for you to watch the DC for an hour while I have another shower and get ready. Enjoy!" Then plonk DD2 on his chest and shout for DC1 to come and play with daddy.

DailyFail1 · 08/01/2017 16:52

There are two issues here. YABU for asking him to get up when he's sick, but then he's also being unreasonable for expecting you to 'get on with it' when you're sick. You need to discuss getting more help around the house.

NavyandWhite · 08/01/2017 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ilovecaindingle · 08/01/2017 16:54

If he is so ill then I assume it will be take out for 1 then?

MossytheMouse · 08/01/2017 16:55

Navy If he's too sick to open the door I doubt he'll be up for take away

NavyandWhite · 08/01/2017 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Allthewaves · 08/01/2017 16:58

its been a hellish wk for you but have to say if i was ill in bed asleep and you asked me to get up to answer the door for takeaway i wouldn't be impressed - suppose depends how ill he still is and is he going to eat takeaway

Allthewaves · 08/01/2017 17:00

Could you plonk 3 yr old in bed with dad and an ipad/tablet with lots of cartoons so you can have a little bit of peace

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 08/01/2017 17:02

You'd be mortified opening the door to someone whilst looking a bit rough round the edges? Shock

golfbuggy · 08/01/2017 17:04

If he's ill enough to need to stay in bed all day, I agree that getting up to answer the door may be physically too much for him. As long as you're not indecent, it's hardly likely you need to look immaculate to open the door to the takeaway delivery person.

CupofTeaTime · 08/01/2017 17:05

How long has he been so ill that he's been bed ridden?!! I get that these infections can linger but I doubt he's had the need to lay in bed for days and days, especially if he's been managing to get up now and again. He's taking a lend now. Like you said, when you are ill you have to get on with it. Time to get him out of bed.

RortyCrankle · 08/01/2017 17:11

Just how traumatised do you think the delivery person will be, OP, to see you with wet hair, smudged mascara and a baby in your arms? Not at all is my guess as long as you pay them.

DH not helping when you have been ill is a totally different issue which you need to deal with separately.

MossytheMouse · 08/01/2017 17:14

I don't think we should focus on why the op can't open the door. She's doing everything else... She shouldn't have to give a reason to ask for help with this one very small task. I doubt he's too unwell to answer the door.

rookiemere · 08/01/2017 17:14

Sorry but YABABU. The delivery man does not care a jot what you look like, provided all the relevant bits are covered and he gets paid. It seems weird to make your ill DH come downstairs to answer the door because of that.
If it bothers you, wipe off the mascara and tie back your hair. Literally two seconds work.

Janey50 · 08/01/2017 17:20

OP surely you know by now that when a man is ill,he is at least 10 times worse than any woman? Ailments that most women have to contend with whilst looking after children and a house and a husband,lay a poor man out in bed for a week! Well this is my experience.

Original poster
Wonderland22 · 08/01/2017 17:25

I know I have an issue with the fact that I get panicky about people seeing me looking as rough as I do right now. I've always had massive issues with my appearance which has meant I suffered from anorexia and bulimia from the age of 15 for 8 years, which luckily I've managed to come out the other side of but I know I do have issues. It's more about how I feel than what the delivery man will think although I appreciate this is not something everyone will understand. DH has a very bad cough, this is the main symptom. It has been keeping him up at night and he's been having some hot flushes etc. As a pp said, I've been doing everything to help him rest etc and to give him peace and quiet to get better. I've been powering through and am not 100% myself and it just bugged me that he can't find it in himself to do this one thing to make my life a tiny bit easier.

OP posts:
devilcakes · 08/01/2017 17:26

Well if he is to poorly to get up to answer the door the he must be to poorly to eat anything and op the delivery driver won't care what you look like as long as you have clothes on lolWink

devilcakes · 08/01/2017 17:28

Crossed post sorry a cough and some hot flushes he needs to get up

calzone · 08/01/2017 17:28

What if you were in the loo when the food arrived?

What would he do?

melj1213 · 08/01/2017 17:35

YAB a bit U ... the delivery driver doesn't give a shit what you look like, as long as you're wearing something and the delivery driver's opinion doesn't trump your husband's recovery, unless you think he's milking it and doesn't really need to be in bed asleep now.

I fractured my ankle a couple of days ago, am not supposed to walk on it unless I have to and only with crutches, and realised I had nothing in the house for tea yesterday so I ordered a takeaway.

I answered the door in my "Beckham boot" protecting my ankle and going up to my knee, a ratty oversized tshirt, loose cotton shorts (as my longer pj trousers wouldn't fit over or in my boot comfortably) no make up, bleary eyed and with crazy hair because I had fallen asleep on the sofa and only woke up at the doorbell ... the delivery guy just said hello, handed over the food, took my money and went to leave with barely a glance or even reaction to my appearance.

downwardfacingdog · 08/01/2017 17:35

He's got a fucking cough and cold not the plague. He needs to get his lazy arse out of bed and muck in, never mind answer the door. Would you get a week of bedrest if you had a viral infection OP? I doubt it Flowers