To ask advice it's a wedding one

[BrightonBelleCat]

I'm getting married this year. Bit of background have dc with ex-p am still on very friendly terms with ex mil and ex sis in law.

Went over there to exmil today to deliver very late Christmas gifts. They asked about the wedding and date setting etc.

I told them date had been set. Both ex mil and sil said 'we'll put in the diary'.

Like a bloody coward I kept quiet.

Erm what do I do? I didn't think they would want to come or had even considered inviting them! Also what do I say to my newish mil? Hi new mil this is ex mil?

I think I've dug myself a hole here. Help!

[lalalalyra]

Why does your DP find it so weird? Has he met them?

My DH's inlaws came to our wedding. To them it was a family wedding - DH and DS1 (technically Dss) are their family. I didn't/don't find it at all strange that they wanted to be a part of his big day.

How lovely for your children that you've all got such a good relationship - it'll benefit them in the long run.

[notangelinajolie]

They are family - they are your children's grandmother and aunt. If you have a restricted number of places and friends come higher up the list then don't invite them - but for the sake of 2 bufet places if it were me I would probably invite them. but then again I'm a bit of a wimp when it comes to family

Re inviting your DP's ex family - he doesn't have the same relationship so it's irrelevant. I think he should respect the fact that you have a good relationship with you ex mil and if you want them there then you should not feel bad inviting them. If you don't want them there it's fine too. It's your wedding! Good luck and congratulations! Sorry, not much help there.

[Lemond1fficult]

I get why it might seem awkward, but if you genuinely get on with them, (well enough to still buy Christmas gifts!) then they're your extended family, and always will be because of the dc. I'd invite them, and go out of my way to smooth things over with new dh and his family.

I think it speaks well of you that you can still have a good relationship - anyone who says otherwise is being childish.

[Italiangreyhound]

I must agree with LouBlue "I think if your DP doesn't want them there then you should respect that. He probably feels uncomfortable..."

Although I think he is silly to feel that if you divorced years ago. It is not like you are inviting your ex husband!

But also, BrightonBelleCat this is not just your exMIL it is your children's grandma and your exSIl is their aunt.

"... his divorce was quite acrimonious and he doesn't get on with ex currently or her family." So it is safe to say to him you will be happy to invite his ex's family to the wedding, if he wants to!

In you shoes I would just say to your finance... "I would like to invite my children's grandma and their aunt, I've known them a long time and in an ideal world it would be lovely for them to come to part of the day, whichever part your d-fiance would agree to." (Unless you actually don't want them there - in which case just tell them it is a small wedding).

However, I would also say to dear fiance "If you are uncomfortable, dear finance, then I will tell them it is a very small wedding and we won't be able to invite them."

You could say you will pop over and see them with some wedding cake and photos sometimes after the wedding. Or something similar.