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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with my dp?

81 replies

Iris65 · 07/01/2017 14:43

We had lunch in an expensive bar. The waitress handed me my drink and as she walked away I knokec the glass over. When I was asked for a replacement I was told that I would have to buy another one.
I said to the waiter that I thought that wasn't very good customer relations as I hadn't even had a sip. Then I said I knew it wasn't his fault and could we have the bill please? I said all of this in my 'clipped' teacher's voice.
As we walked home my dp said that I had crossed the line and when I asked which line he said 'I should think about it.' I knew immediately what he meant and said that I didn't think I was rude or harsh. He then replied that I should go back and apologise. We had reached home by this point and I burst into tears (I have lot going on right now) and walked off. I'm now in a coffee shop feeling really annoyed at him and sorry for myself. AIBU?

OP posts:
Pinkheart5915 · 07/01/2017 14:58

Having a lot going on doesn't give you a green card to be rude to people, There is no no need for rudeness

Why should they replace the drink YOU spilt? Confused

gamerchick · 07/01/2017 15:00

OP why don't you hide this thread and start a new one out of aibu to talk about what's really wrong? It sounds like you need to offload.

Scooby20 · 07/01/2017 15:01

The issue is that its rude to get shitty with people because someone else has done something bad to you.

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips · 07/01/2017 15:02

YABU. You were rude, unreasonable and embarrassing to your DP.

Keeptrudging · 07/01/2017 15:04

I worked in a fast food place many years ago when I was a teenager. It had an 'automatic replacement' policy for spilt drinks, no matter whose fault. Soccer casuals used to come in, buy milkshakes, pour them on the floor then shout at me to come and clean the floor/get them a replacement. Bad times. Nasty little gits. Yes, it does say a lot about a person. YWBU and I agree with your (mortified) husband.

TheNaze73 · 07/01/2017 15:04

YABVU & very rude as well

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/01/2017 15:04

" I'm now in a coffee shop feeling really annoyed at him and sorry for myself. AIBU?"
And he is at home probably feeling pretty annoyed with you and sorry for himself. Difference is, he's actually entitled to be annoyed with you. So yes, YABU. You knocked over your drink (accidents happen) and you handled it badly. You were rude to the staff and cut lunch short. Had I been having lunch with you, I'd have felt embarrassed at your rudeness to the staff and pissed off that my lovely lunch in an expensive bar was curtailed with no reference to me as to whether that was what I wanted or not.

I'm sorry you have a lot going on right now, but it is never right to take that out on other people. You owe him an apology and you owe those staff members an apology.

dollydaydream114 · 07/01/2017 15:06

You knocked over a drink. You should have to buy a new one. Yes, you were rude and I would have been totally embarrassed if my DP had done this too, so I can see why your DP was annoyed by your behaviour.

If you have other things going on, then I sympathise, and I hope you will find a way of addressing them and feeling happier in yourself - but that doesn't give you a free pass to be rude and make weird demands of people like the bar staff, who have done nothing wrong, or to expect other people to say nothing when you do.

Underthemoonlight · 07/01/2017 15:07

You might have a lot doesn't give you the right to talk down to people Especially when you were in the wrong. What's to say that person isn't in a good place depression, bereavement or had some bad news and you tore them apart and belittled them. Your dh is right. I've had some bloke speak to me like utter shit when I was a waitress when it wasn't needed.

Kirriemuir · 07/01/2017 15:07

You were being unreasonable and you were rude.

It doesn't matter if you have stuff going on. We all have. Rudnesess is not acceptable. You spilt your own drink.

KeepCalm · 07/01/2017 15:07

Yup. YABVU. And Rude. And Entitled. Hard time or not. Did you consider what kind of day the staff were having.

You're the kind of customer a small independent business dreads. Rude and entitled.

Good luck to your DP.

Eevee77 · 07/01/2017 15:08

Everyone had their own shit going on though OP. You were rude to the waiter and sounds like you had a strop with your OH because he pointed it out. Yabu

FutureMrsRanj · 07/01/2017 15:09

Ops AIBU is about her partner, not her behaviour towards the waiter though. Presumably the partner knows you have been going through a lot and should have been more supportive so I will say yanbu, if he thought you were in the wrong he could have waited until you were less fragile to say something

TSSDNCOP · 07/01/2017 15:13

You may have bad stuff going on, but so too might the barman to whom you have been very rude.

At the very least you pissed on a few minutes of his otherwise perfectly nice day because you were unfair.

YouHadMeAtCake · 07/01/2017 15:14

I said all of this in my 'clipped' teacher's voice Hmm

So you knocked your own drink over, wanted a free replacement and were rude to the staff. YABU. Your husband was most likely embarrassed.

pklme · 07/01/2017 15:14

OP, You've decided to apologise to the waiter, and maybe need to chat with DP about how he could have helped you handle that situation better. Is there something he could have done or said which would have turned it around either in the bar or when you were walking home?
how about starting another thread about what else is going on where you can get support with that?

TheoriginalLEM · 07/01/2017 15:15

Have a hug! you were rude and I feel a bit sorry for the waitress but I doubt she'll let it bother her, I work with the public and whilst most of our clients are lovely, some of them are utter cunts (I'm not talking being a bit short), we generally have a good laugh about them!

I do think your DP was a bit condescending though.

I hope your day gets better

anothermalteserplease · 07/01/2017 15:16

I'm sorry you have a lot going on. My DP would have been very annoyed if I'd behaved like that though regardless of what else was happening in our lives. And he's very supportive in general. It's not ok to speak down to someone just doing their job.

Bluntness100 · 07/01/2017 15:22

We went for a Mexican last weekend and I knocked over my full large wine glass, the staff had to come clean it up as it was smashed on the floor. I was embarrassed they had to do so, apologised, offered to help (which they refused) and left a generous tip. It genuinely would never have occurred to me to ask the staff for a free drink to replace it, never mind get shitty if they said no. I did order another glass, but I paid for it and expected to do so.

This is the social norm.

scottishdiem · 07/01/2017 15:25

I think it may be better to try and work through your issues (and getting support from you DP) prior to getting into places where you may misjudge the correct response and embarrass or even humiliate your DP by your actions.

Going out for walks, drives, cinema, theatre (in this case without pre-show drinks) can help relieve the stress you are under/give you a change of scene but you need to resolve the hellish issue as much as you can.

A bit of counselling/therapy to help with the initial reaction to being annoyed or irritated would help you as well.

TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN · 07/01/2017 15:25

THE OP HAS GONE TO APOLOGISE

I think she needs support, not another 950 posts bashing her 🙁

OP. As others have suggested, why don't you start a thread in Relationships and talk about the actual problem 💐

Megatherium · 07/01/2017 15:26

Do lay off, people. OP has accepted SWU and is feeling down. There is no need to keep kicking her.

laziestsusan · 07/01/2017 15:28

I think you were a bit rude but I can sympathise and understand.

What I don't understand is why your DH would take their side against you - he has one job, to support you. He may well have reason to speak quietly to you about it, but to insist you go back to apologise is a bit weird IMHO. It's done, he's mentioned it and it's and over.

Please get help and support for your other problems x

Joanna0685 · 07/01/2017 15:29

You sound a bit entitled, knocking over your own drink then putting on your 'posh voice' and asking for it to be replaced. Perhaps think before you act next time, everyone is clumsy sometimes. I feel sorry for the waiter

mummyof2pr · 07/01/2017 15:29

I think it was a bit unreasonable but customer service wise I think they should have brought you a new drink, if not free for at least a discount. They charge more than they pay so it really wouldn't have done them any damage to keep a customer happy