To be at breaking point

[JagerPlease]

DS is 4 months old. The longest he has ever slept in one go is 4 hours, and that's happened maybe twice. He used to average 2 hours at a time at night, now wakes up hourly. Last night this shortened to every 20 minutes on occasion. Many of his wake ups are straight into high volume crying. We currently co sleep with DW EBF. Have tried putting him in his bednest but it took 20 minutes to settle him and he slept for 20 minutes before waking up crying. We've weaned him off actually falling asleep on the breast and he will go back to sleep with cuddles and rocking instead of feeding, but all of it is just taking it's toll.

In the day he will nap, but only in the sling or on one of us, so there's no respite. HV advice was that he should be sleeping through by now and to not feed him in the night. We're just not willing to let him CIO as the amount of crying at the moment is stressful enough as it is. DW ended up calling 111 in the night and when speaking the a doctor in the morning was told that all babies are like this and it gets better.

We love him so much but even holding him is physically draining and the whole thing is constantly reducing us to tears.

I guess AIBU to not be able to cope? And to not be able to make sense of the conflicting professional advice?

4 months is really tough.

Your hv is talking rubbish, at 4 months it's totally normal for him to be feeding at night.

It could be reflux or an intolerance to something in your dw diet.

My youngest had reflux and constantly woke up in the night. The cosleeping did help for us. It will get better.

Not much help I know but it won't be like this forever.

Also for what it's worth I found the four month mark particularly difficult, you've completely run out of early parenting steam/adrenaline but haven't reached the sleeping a bit better stage quite yet. I noticed this in friends also. If possible to express and do so try and give each other a full night off or as close as is doable with full boobs/baby needs, encourage DW to sleep in another room with earplugs and do your level best to soothe baby, then swap another night.

Although I personally don't have any experience of this you may want to google craniosacral therapy for babies. We were considering it when my DD wasn't sleeping much. Others may have first hand experience but sometimes anything's worth a try. Hang in there.

We definitely went through a period of sleep regression at 4 months. Ds was literally up screaming like a banshee every hour at night. It's a growth and developmental spurt so sleep and calories needed! I'd say make sure he's got a rock solid nap routine on the daytime to avoid over tiredness. Sleep breeds sleep, I know easier said than done with naps when they don't settle. V calm atmosphere towards bedtime and in bed by 6:30. Is he feeding as much as poss in the daytime? If he has got a touch of reflux, one suggestion for reflux babies is earlier weaning, starting slowly at 4 months with a bit of pear puree or baby rice. NHS recommend 5 months normally or Who 6 months (if I remember rightly?) we raised one end of a bed nest a little with a very large book.

One thing I learnt after having little ones is everyone tells you something different, DW is doing an absolutely amazing job EBF - it's bloody hard work. I EBF for 6 months and there were so many times when I felt like giving up but DC wouldn't take a bottle, and once we got over the first 6 months it got sooo much easier. From newborn to 6 months DC had colic and reflux, I basically fed DC every hour or two day and night - it was the most exhausting time of my life. But after 6 months, feedings spaced out to 3 hours or 4 hours in the day, still regularly at night. I found getting a co-sleeping cot helped soooooo much, i just rolled over and fed DC on my side; honestly it was a complete lifesaver and better than co-sleeping in the bed as they have their own space so you don't feel like the bed is taken over with sprawling limbs! Then when DC was about 22 months DC started sleeping through for 12 hours! This was a kid that had never slept for longer than 3 hours at a time for nearly two years! I was soooo shocked but it does happen; I'm not saying it will take that long, I really really hope it's sooner for you but please don't worry or listen to any crap about babies sleeping through at 4 months, I really think that's the exception rather than the rule.

DW is doing an amazing job EBF for this long and should be very proud that she's still meeting DS's needs at night - it will get easier, trust me. :)

Not enough info to tell if it's reflux, but is possible. Has mum tried going dairy free? One of the causes or reflux in babies in cows milk protein intolerance, but some babies can be so sensitive to the cows milk protein that they pick up on tiny amounts in mum's milk (though as you can imagine, they react rather more to formula!)

Just a thought if it's something you want to try.

Google silent reflux.

I had exactly the same and it was due to silent reflux. Very painful, esp when my DD was lying down, hence she only slept when we held her upright and fed for hours on end to soothe her throat. GP could help with some treatment, infacal helped.

It sounds totally normal (though awful) to me. It takes me back to some of the awful times when our dds were younger.

We managed by sleeping on a rota. So dp would get home at 6pm and would be on duty (would bring the babies to me if they needed feeding). I would go to sleep until midnight when we would swap. From 6am he had the babies for another 1.5 hours until going to work. It wasn't the greatest but was how we got by until things get easier.

Our girls are 3 and 5 and it seems now that the baby sleep deprivation days flew over, but I remember at the time that they stretched out forever. But it honestly will pass.and things will get better!