Am I being selfish to hesitate to do this again?

[SunshineGirl2016]

DS is 6 months old and I love motherhood now. I loathed the first 3 months when he was a newborn with the non-stop bf and sleepless nights. The lack of sleep affected my mental health and wellbeing and I really struggled. Thankfully DS is now settled and all is well.

DH and I have been talking about the next baby. I feel I need a long break before thinking about number 2. In fact, the more I think about it the more I question the practicalities of DC2. The thought of the newborn phase fills me with absolute dread. Am I being extremely selfish for wanting to put off DC2 as I can't handle the early days again or should I just bite the bullet and focus on baby making whilst I still can. I'm 36.

The thought of having a toddler and a baby seems totally impossible to me. I know plenty of women juggle both but I don't think I can or want to. Do I need to step up? I want DS to have a sibling but can't face doing it again...any thoughts or tips?

Slightly going against the grain here as had a unexpectedly small 17 month gap and it was OK. DD was not an easy baby but DS was easier and it seemed less stressful second time around. I found it easier having them both in nappies, both roughly same schedule, activities etc. DD wasn't walking when DS was born which also made it easier.
2 school years between them though which I'm glad about. DD also did a couple of mornings at nursery when she was 2 and a half which also helped.
However- you shouldn't do it if not ready. I didn't really make a decision- took a long time to have DD and then DS just sort of happened! (I was 39)

I always thought I'd want 2 but both of us decided within the first couple of months we didn't want another. Nearly 5 years later happy with just one, we can afford nice holidays, I enjoy working & we're happy as a unit of 3. I do have doubts sometimes, particularly when I see friends who are only children dealing with elderly parents on their own but we will plan for our old age as much as we can so there's no responsibility on DD.
I struggled with a baby & still find it hard sometimes these days so I wouldn't want to risk my mental health because people think we're selfish only having one or telling me she'll grow up spoilt etc.
There's no massive rush, enjoy your baby & see how you feel in 12/18 months

I was horrified at the idea of another baby. Like you, all my 'baby friends' had two year gap, which seemed dreadful to me. When DD was 2.5, I suddenly felt ready, and got pg again quickly. The gap of just over 3 years is big, but not too big. DD was walking/talking etc, out of pushchair/cot/highchair and was just off to nursery when her brother was born, which made things much easier that it would have been any earlier. I'm quite sure a 2 year gap would have finished me off.

It's not at all selfish; having children at all is actually quite a selfish thing to do if you really think about it.

I had one child (more DH's wish than mine) and would never had had a second.

You sound a bit like me but I found the 3-12 months stage with DS1 harder than the first 3 months as the sleepless nights had really taken their toll by then and I had the transition back to work to deal with too. DH was keen for #2 but I just couldn't contemplate it at all. I was enjoying being at work and having my life back so it become quite a difficult subject. But when DS1 was 18 months (earlier this year) I decided I wanted another.

Not sure where the maternal need came from all of a sudden but a mix of my best friend dying (who desperately wanted kids but couldn't), DS1 being much easier, fantastic big holiday to Oz, friends having their second....not sure. Anyway I fell pregnant a few months after this and am due next month. I'm 39. DS1 will be 2.5.

DS1 is a very easy toddler (so far) and will stay in nursery so I won't be at home with 2 each day. There's some logistics I can't get my head around but not too worried.

You may feel differently in a year so I wouldn't rule it out but don't do it now. 6 months is very young to be thinking about it.

Ignore the people in your NCT group and do what's right for you. Have just one child or a larger gap if that's what you want. There are advantages and disadvantages to every family set up, there's no right or wrong way.

OP you are in the HARDEST BIT! don't think about more babies until you have one that sleeps regularly through the night - too much for the brain to handle.

The absolute worst part of babies (from my experience twice round) is months 4 to 7 - exhausting/ boring/ nobody comes to visit like they did in the first weeks, nobody thinks of you as a person with a newborn even though you do basically still have a newborn/ there is no light appearing at the end of the tunnel/ etc etc - IT GETS BETTER - and soon! Once your baby is crawling about you will see a big difference and feel different too - it's much much more rewarding and easier as well once they are weaned onto food and sleeping better.

you are thinking about it too early. Give yourself a break. btw. having two kids is amazing and it's much easier the second time round.

Give yourself some time, it's too soon to rush something like that, and if you did fall pregnant straight away it would be exhausting. I have 5 years between mine and, although not planned that way, it's been lovely. The kids are great company for each other even with that gap and it I found it far far less stressful havin a baby second time around. I wouldn't worry about your age if you are fit and healthy.

I had a similar thing in that my NCT group all had 18 - 30 month gaps between DC1 and DC2. I found the first 6 months v hard with DC1 and they were a bad sleeper. We did go for DC2 in the end - we have a 4 year age gap and that worked great for us - including DC1 starting school when DC2 was a few months old so I got some one on one time with DC2. The gap does mean that it is a bit harder to find things suitable for both of them to do, but that is getting easier as they get older. You need to do what is right for you, not what everyone else is doing. Why not shelve the discussions for now and come back to it when your DC is a little older?

Currently have an awesome 3yo but MY GOD she has been hard work!! We have decided to revisit the "sibling" conversation once she's at school.

Having a 2nd baby is hard on your body too. I struggled to recover with mine and I was only 28. I was surprised how much more tiring everything was. I walked up to the school to take the eldest to school and show the 10 day old baby off. 10 minute walk and I was knackered - I could have run there and back the first time round!