Sorry if this turns into a long post / rant. My dh mum has booked a villa in Portugal so we can all go on holiday together. She is paying for the villa plus everyone's flights, which I do appreciate as being extremely generous, the most generous thing anyone has ever done for us. However...
The family are not even really friends. He has 2 brothers and their partners (1 sil and 1 soon to be sil). Plus his father, our 2 kids and one other boy.
His father drives everyone crazy and can be hard to stick, though a decent enough sort. They were on holiday last July and said they saw all these other families with their children and grandparents and thought it looked so lovely that we all should do it. It is a romanticised view of something I feel would be a total disaster!
My sil has never really liked me. I have no idea why and have asked other members if they know but no-one does. Dh and me have been together 10 yrs, married 5. Before we got married she was just awkward to speak to, me making all the conversation, her never asking anything about me or my fanily/life. This was annoying but bearable for family gatherings. But since we've been married it has taken a nasty turn with her constantly giving me dirty looks and a cold shoulder. When my son was born almost 5 years ago, we lived away and brought him home at 6 weeks. She came in to the inlaws house, walked past us without saying a word, went into the kitchen and got herself a drink. It was so nasty! But I was sleep deprived and in newborn shock so didn't take her on. My mil practically forced her to hold ds even though I was livid about it. At the time excuses were made such as she was jealous (she had lost a baby at 20 weeks pg 2 years before) but she has sisters and friends with children and she's nice to them. We moved home soon after and it was much of the same, cold shoulder and general rotten ess. When I was about 7 months pg with my dd 2 years ago I ran into her up the town. She tried to cross the road to avoid me but couldn't and walked right past me. I literally had no idea why! I rang dh crying (hormones!) And he rang his mum and his younger brother to ask what I'm supposed to have done but all they could say was it was obvious she hated me, she made it clear in front of everyone, but no one knows why.
After my dd was born she was in intensive care a while and the sil sent me some really nice messages. I couldn't believe it. But I was in my own personal hell and had no energy to be on my high horse so I replied to her in a nice way and when dd came out they came to visit and brought a present. Since then however she blows hot and cold and I've just had enough! I'm not a confrontational person, I like a quiet life, but I don't want to be treated like crap either so I'd rather just stay away from her.
We had to spend boxing day with the whole family and she made such a huge difference in the way she speaks to and interacts with everyone, especially the soon to be sil. We do secret Santa and her and her husband got me and the other sil. It was obvious she bought both gifts, they were the same type of gift but very very different. Bottle of wine, hers nice mine cheap, jewellery, hers nice bracelet mine cheap earrings (I don't have my ears pierced) and a candle, hers champagne and pomegranate mine a cinnamon one I saw in the pound shop. There was simply no need for it!
Anyway me and dh had a blazing row when we got home and I said I couldn't stay under the same roof as her for a whole week, that I'd been putting up with this for years, that no one, not even him, stood up for me or said anything to her. But he now thinks I'm very selfish because we can't afford to go on holiday ourselves and ds has been talking about it so much.
Aibu to not want to go? I was thinking of saying I will stay at home with dd (she's 20 months and the thought of a 3 hr plane journey with her fills me with dread anyway) and dh could take ds so as not to spoil his fun? It would break my heart being away from ds for so long and I realise I'm making the gap in the family wider but honestly, all they do is bitch and moan about everyone else I can't believe mil ever thought it would be a good idea!!
Sorry again for the long post, dh won't listen to me :(