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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have worked as a prostitute

36 replies

darkpond · 04/01/2017 17:37

Lately I have been wondering about this a lot. I worked as a prostitute in my late teens and early twenties. I was short of money (though not desperate really, not starving or anything but I did need it) and I just don't know why really, I just did it.

It didn't seem a big deal.

I don't know now though, I seem to have issues with sex. And I'm wondering if it's linked to this. Or if maybe I'm just not someone who sees sex as important and that's why I could do it.

OP posts:
LineyReborn · 04/01/2017 17:38

Be careful, OP. The Daily Mail is trawling Mumsnet for content.

Original poster
darkpond · 04/01/2017 17:39

Ok but that's why I've name changed :) and people read the DM, they read MN, no difference

OP posts:
Skittlesss · 04/01/2017 17:40

What made you start? Did you already hav friends who did it? I guess it must bother you to some extent if you have been wondering about it a lot. What are the issues you have with sex? It could be linked depending on what they are. Have you ever spoke to anyone about it all?

Sorry for all the questions - I am genuinely interested in the hows and whys of it.

Original poster
darkpond · 04/01/2017 17:42

Skitt no, no friends or anything like that, I literally used to see prostitutes in the red light district which wasn't that far from where I lived at the time, and when I found myself woefully short of money I decided to try it. Had no idea what I was doing. I have never once spoken to anybody about it really.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 04/01/2017 17:43

What issues do you have with sex? Why do you think the two are linked?

And good response on the daily mail comment, neither are private forums.

Skittlesss · 04/01/2017 17:45

Maybe you need to get it out somehow? Perhaps that's why you made this thread? It must have been pretty scary for you.

Original poster
darkpond · 04/01/2017 17:45

I just don't seem to care about sex. My partner has cheated on me and I just don't care. Obviously I care in that I'd rather he hadn't done it but I didn't immediately feel devastated or anything.

OP posts:
Skittlesss · 04/01/2017 17:47

Ok, that's not just sex though. Was the relationship bad before you found this out? What are you doing from here? How do you feel in yourself?

wonderingsoul · 04/01/2017 17:47

The thiught has crossee my mind... sex isnt a bug thing to me.. maybe because of past truma, i dunno but the only thing stoppimg me is not having a safe place to do it and would never bring a one nighter back to my kids home never mind a punter .

I think it depends on how you veiw it.. no matter the reasons for it. I find intermacy in different things.. like kissing. Or cuddling. If i wanted to sell my body id see it as me being in power and charge. (Im not saying this is true for alot of people. I know some sell their body and are vunerable and do it because they have no other choice)

TinselTwins · 04/01/2017 17:47

it's probably a chicken and egg thing that you'ld need to speak to someone professional to unravel

You probably went into prostitution because you had some issues around sex in the first place (since you weren't totally desperate for money) and the sex working probably added to them.. but there was probably something there before that?

TinselTwins · 04/01/2017 17:49

"cheating" isn't about sex, it isn't for me

when I was cheated on it hurt because I was humiliated (people knew and thus I felt judged me)

Original poster
darkpond · 04/01/2017 17:49

No, relationship wasn't bad. It was a while ago. But I just feel like that with sex generally, like it doesn't really matter. I enjoy it, with my husband, but I don't feel like I think most people feel about it.

Wondering I certainly never took anyone back to my house Shock

OP posts:
RichardBucket · 04/01/2017 17:50

I stumbled on a forum for sex workers. The vast majority of them were intelligent, very together, good sense of humour, good business women. Of course they represent a certain section of sex workers (mostly British ones who do it through choice, not desperation or force), but it did change my perception of sex workers.

I can't say the same for punter websites. Those men are frightening. I'm glad you got out of the business!

birdybirdywoofwoof · 04/01/2017 17:50

You say you are someone who doesn't see sex as important and yet you say you have issues with sex.

There's a contradiction here, no?

RichardBucket · 04/01/2017 17:51

darkpond Cross post. Sex isn't important for me either. Most of the time I'd rather just sleep!

Original poster
darkpond · 04/01/2017 17:51

I don't know Birdy ... The issue I have with sex is that I don't see sex as important, which I'm not sure is a contradiction.

OP posts:
birdybirdywoofwoof · 04/01/2017 17:52

How do you think most people think about sex?

wonderingsoul · 04/01/2017 17:52

darkpond i never said you did.. i was just saying the reason i dont. I didnt mean to cause offence or to sound like i was judging. I really didnt mean to.

I kind if feel the same about cheating.. its not the sex it self.. its the lying and disrespect of it that would hurt

wheresthewine36 · 04/01/2017 17:54

It sounds like you view sex as a physical thing, rather than emotional. I don't necessarily think that is definitively problematic unless it affects your life negatively. I have a friend who was a prostitute for 10 years. Her view of sex is very different to most people's in that she is able to have sex with people without having any attachment to them and it doesn't cause her any angst. She isn't proud of her years as a prostitute, nor is she ashamed of them. It is just something she did and doesn't definitely e her any more than her stint as a librarian. They were hobs she did.
If you feel that your former experiences are affecting you now, it might be a good idea to talk things through with a therapist to help you work out your feelings.

Bluntness100 · 04/01/2017 17:54

I'm not sure I see that as a negative, lots of people don't see sex as the be all and end all and just a physical act.

Original poster
darkpond · 04/01/2017 17:54

I think most people see it as something that matters, birdy. Most people would be upset to have it forced on them, most people would feel angry their partner didn't commit to doing it with just them.

Wondering, you didn't, but I just wondered if you fully understood what prostitutes do?

OP posts:
missymayhemsmum · 04/01/2017 17:56

People do many worse things for money, after all. Fortunately you have been able to leave it behind you and move on. But I think unhappy disassociated sex without emotional trust and intimacy (whether paid or unpaid, forced or voluntary) does tend to leave people with barriers to having a really loving and trusting sexual relationship.

BadKnee · 04/01/2017 17:56

birdybirdywoofwoof - I didn't see that as contradictory. Most people who have sex within a relationship value it and see it as important within the relationship.

They would care if they were cheated on and It would matter that the sex was good or intimate. It is an issue not to care.

wheresthewine36 · 04/01/2017 17:57

*define her
*jobs
Stupid fat fingers Grin

wonderingsoul · 04/01/2017 17:59

Oh i do.. i know a lot is done in back allys and in cars.. some take punters at their house.. or even vist their house of choice.

Do you want sex to matter? Does it trouble you that you feel it doesnt.

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