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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset by this.

37 replies

tigersbuddy · 04/01/2017 16:42

We were supposed to be going away this weekend. Nowhere fancy just a premier Inn over night by the coast and nice walks planned the next day. It's my birthday and I don't really like to celebrate it.....everyone always forgets and it always ends up being a total anticlimax. I thought the weekend away would be a nice way to enjoy it with my boyfriend and and the kids and told him not to worry about a gift.....just to go halves on the room with me as I would enjoy the time as a family more than anything material.
He called me earlier to say he doesn't think it's a good idea to go anymore.....that being just after Christmas he doesn't think we should be spending money on it etc......it was £20 each.
I just feel really deflated. He knew he had pissed me off on the phone bit made no atempt to make it better. Even if we go now it will be ruined because I will spend the whole time pretending everything's OK whilst he will clearly not want to be there. Just fed up of my birthday being such an inconvenience to everyone. My family will more than likely forget too :-(

OP posts:
jerryfudd · 04/01/2017 16:43

Can just you and kids go?

Bluntness100 · 04/01/2017 16:44

Ah that's shit, I'm sorry, can you go with the kids?

20 pounds isn't a lot. Is there more to his desire not to go, how long have you been together and how does he get on with the kids? Does he have financial concerns?

SerialReJoiner · 04/01/2017 16:52

Aw, that stinks. :( Can you still afford to go without him? Don't let other people spoil the fun.

FetchezLaVache · 04/01/2017 16:57

YANBU - that's awful, far worse to have had your hopes raised and been looking forward to a nice time away and then been disappointed at the last minute.

I also raised an eyebrow at the fact that he clearly realised you were disappointed but didn't seem to want to put it right.

He's either planning a massive surprise for you, or he's a bit of an arse tbh.

Why not just go on your own with the kids?

ollieplimsoles · 04/01/2017 16:58

Id just go, do a Lois from Malcolm in the middle and just leave.

Go on your own op, can the kids be left?

kel12345 · 04/01/2017 17:01

That's not a lot really. I'm sorry he's being like this about it

MrsExpo · 04/01/2017 17:01

January birthdays are pits ...... I feel your pain.

..... goes off to think of something to do on own B'day next week which won't p off DH ......

YelloDraw · 04/01/2017 17:02

Can you still go with the kids?

It will be fun. Get the kids to help you choose a birthday cake.

Pick up some nice things like pan au choc for breakfast and have breakfast in bed with the kids one day.
The other day treat yourselves to the yummy full English.

Go for a nice walk or two.

See if you can get day passes for a hotel health club for you and the kids - you can sometimes pick them up for like £10 each and you can spend a few hours there swimming and relaxing on loungers.

TheCatsMother99 · 04/01/2017 17:03

If he doesn't pull a better idea out the bag then, yes, I'd be really pissed off if I were you.

£20 on a birthday present (ok, not including meals out but you can go as cheap as you like if funds are tight) is very fair and not excessive by any means... that is, of course, unless there are money issues that you're perhaps not aware of?

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 04/01/2017 17:11

I too would tell him not to bother & go anyway.
His attitude stinks tbh, why can't he do this for you on your birthday?

Stillunexpected · 04/01/2017 17:15

Do you think that this is really about money? For some people, £20 is a drop in the ocean but for others it could be quite a bit of money. Only you know his and your financial situation so do you think this is a genuine reason?

kittybiscuits · 04/01/2017 17:15

I think that is truly awful. I'm sorry.

LostSight · 04/01/2017 17:22

I loved going to Premier Inn alone with the children. I remember getting back to find that the person who had cleaned the room, had arranged all the soft toys nicely on the children's beds. I agree with those suggesting you go yourself and have a nice time without having to compromise with that another adult wants to do.

trappedinsuburbia · 04/01/2017 17:26

You should go yourself with the kids, you'll probably have a better time

trappedinsuburbia · 04/01/2017 17:26

Oh and i'd be deeply hurt as well, so yanbu

Original poster
tigersbuddy · 04/01/2017 17:27

I really don't think it's a money thing. He earns good money....well over what he needs to pay his bills. I totally get that it has just been Christmas and he got me some lovely very expensive gifts which is part of the reason I suggested doing this....so he would only have to spend £20.
He's also been having a bit of a crap time of things so u thought the change of scenery would do him good. Fresh air and everyone just having a laugh together.
I just don't think he wants to go. I don't think he wants to be around the kids. They have been quite naughty lately and I just don't think he can be bothered.
The kids don't know we were going so aren't effectively missing out on anything. Just me that seems to get punished because he can't handle children being children.

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnishing · 04/01/2017 17:30

What's your idea of "quite naughty"?

It's hard to say if he's being unreasonable if you think it's due to your DCs behaviour...

Stillunexpected · 04/01/2017 17:31

Oh dear. Where is the future in this relationship if he can't handle your children? What ages are they? Yes I imagine they probably have been a bit naughty lately - it's been that time called Christmas, when even the most angelic kids come over all manic! However, again, only you can judge whether this is just something he will adjust to in time or if it is always going to be like this? Does he have any experience with kids?

Ilovecaindingle · 04/01/2017 17:33

Maybe his idea of a night away wasn't sharing a room with 2 kids???

5foot5 · 04/01/2017 17:35

YANBU. I think it's crap of him and the rest of your family for not making much of your birthday because it is just after Christmas. Totally unfair/

DH has his birthday on the 2nd January and we always make a point of doing something special and making a fuss.

Don't know what to suggest but from your last post he sounds like a bit of an arse. Are the kids yours and his?

EZA15 · 04/01/2017 17:35

Have you thought about going by yourself? Would that be an option?

LostSight · 04/01/2017 17:36

If he's anything like my DH was about that sort of weekend away, the children might have a better time if he isn't there and therefore play up less. Definitely, do not let him come along if you think he'll ruin the atmosphere.

Is he the childrens' dad? Maybe this is a sign that he's not right for you just now?

ChristmasTreeKisses · 04/01/2017 17:36

I agree with everyone else. Go yourself with your children and have a very lovely time. Happy Birthday!

WellErrr · 04/01/2017 17:37

Are they his children?

cbigs · 04/01/2017 17:38

To be fair to op it's not the same being the only adult there. You do all the work and it is still work of pure away, and you don't share it with the other person. I love my kids most of the time Hmm---- but wouldn't see that as a good outcome to be honest . Blush

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