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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be upset by this.

37 replies

tigersbuddy · 04/01/2017 16:42

We were supposed to be going away this weekend. Nowhere fancy just a premier Inn over night by the coast and nice walks planned the next day. It's my birthday and I don't really like to celebrate it.....everyone always forgets and it always ends up being a total anticlimax. I thought the weekend away would be a nice way to enjoy it with my boyfriend and and the kids and told him not to worry about a gift.....just to go halves on the room with me as I would enjoy the time as a family more than anything material.
He called me earlier to say he doesn't think it's a good idea to go anymore.....that being just after Christmas he doesn't think we should be spending money on it etc......it was £20 each.
I just feel really deflated. He knew he had pissed me off on the phone bit made no atempt to make it better. Even if we go now it will be ruined because I will spend the whole time pretending everything's OK whilst he will clearly not want to be there. Just fed up of my birthday being such an inconvenience to everyone. My family will more than likely forget too :-(

OP posts:

Jux · 04/01/2017 17:38

That's horrible, what a mean man. Does he expect much fuss on his birthday?

Why don't you like to celebrate yours? Do you feel unworthy? You do deserve better. I bet you can't think of things you'd like when people ask, and guess you've learnt not to want things because you don't get them.

This time, go with your children. Leave misery-guts out of it. Take board games, cards, mp3 and speakers, and a cake .... Happy birthday 🎉 🎈🎊

Show your children that it's OK to want presents, to be treated, to be spoilt. Dump the miserable shit, tell your family what you'd like for presents, next week tell two or three close friends that you're having some plonk round your place on X to celebrate and you'd love them to join you.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 04/01/2017 17:43

Find yourself a new boyfriend OP, one who enjoys spending time with your children. Expensive presents are one thing, but sharing time together is more important.
You're right, it isn't fair.😡💐

Original poster

tigersbuddy · 04/01/2017 17:45

No he's not their dad. He is usually really good with them but lately just loses his temper over the smallest thing. I know he is stressed out with other things but I've been doing my best to help him and told him recently if he wants out because of the kids that only he can make that decision.
They are junior school age....I don't think they have been that bad lately. My daughter has really bad moments but will snap out of them. I think the excitement and rediculous amounts of sugar over Christmas have played their part in their behaviour not being great.
I feel like we never really do anything. I was really looking forward to it. I think I might still go with just the kids.......although I think he's going to take it very personally.

OP posts:

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 04/01/2017 17:47

Well that's his problem isn't it, he's got the opportunity to join you & has declined-you don't then get to be arsey about not going

Original poster

tigersbuddy · 04/01/2017 17:51

He's a good guy. Just going through a rough patch. Jux is pretty accurate in her description of me. I'm not great at doing things for myself. He recognises that and goes out and buys me new shoes because mine have holes in them or a new coat because mine was worn out. He's incredibly thoughtful which is why I was so hurt by him calling it off. Like I said he is going through a really shitty patch in life I just don't really have anyone in rl I can talk to about it.

OP posts:

HelsBels5000 · 04/01/2017 18:00

I wonder if he has other plans to take you somewhere nicer as a surprise? Just a thought .....

LostSight · 04/01/2017 18:08

I think I might still go with just the kids.......although I think he's going to take it very personally

So he has hurt you, but if you choose to do something for yourself, you think he might spoil it for you? Despite all the good guy characteristics, that sounds controlling.

Have you been with him long? Might this be him beginning to show a side of himself that isn't so loving and thoughtful?

If he does 'take it personally' I would be inclined to raise it and nip it in the bud. Don't just put up with it. If Jux is correct, and you tend to put others first, just try to keep a clear head here. It's your birthday. If he has changed his mind and no longer wants to do something he had agreed to, he should let you choose what you want to do with good grace.

You have a right to enjoy your birthday. Mine is January too. I will be made to feel special. That's what a partner is for, no?

Mileymoocow · 04/01/2017 18:09

I thought surprise, too. Especially if he's the thoughtful type...

I feel for you, my birthday is on Wednesday and no one can afford to do anything. I understand, but it's a bit shit. Think I'll chage mine to May

ChasedByBees · 04/01/2017 18:48

I would tell him you're going anyway. You're a grown up and can do what you like.

Deathraystare · 04/01/2017 20:00

I feel your pain. January birthdays are crap! No one remembers or wants to do anything so close to Christmas. I am planning to have another birthday in August!

FannyCradock · 04/01/2017 20:04

Just go with your kids, tough if he takes it personally.

ConvincingLiar · 04/01/2017 20:07

Go anyway.

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