To wonder if I'm being unreasonable, or my husband?

[liliesanddaisies]

Long story - please bear with me!

I'm a teacher, and had our (gorgeous!) daughter in June 2014. I went back to work after February half term in 2015 and I was HOD. I found it incredibly hard. DD was in nursery from 8 (the earliest I could leave her) to 4 on a good day.

We decided to move for family support and I got a new job, starting September 2015. The school was tough but it wasn't as much responsibility, and MIL would be able to have DD a couple of days a week. Unfortunately, MIL then decided to move herself!

The new job was horrendous and I was only there a term when a student accused me of unacceptable professional conduct. It was all absolutely awful and the school essentially said to me I could go quietly and be paid until the end of the month, which I did. In hindsight this was a mistake but I was so panicked and worried. As it turned out the school referred the whole thing to the NCTL so for nearly a year that was hanging over me.

So now it's over but our finances are in tatters. DH is exhausted he's working so much. I'm doing supply teaching but the pay's a bit rubbish and there's not much change after DD's childcare fees and I don't get paid for holidays (Christmas nearly killed us.) We have a huge mortgage.

DH wants me to apply for FT permanent roles and on paper I get this but I actually feel like throwing up at the thought. He just doesn't seem to get how badly damaged I am by my experiences.

What can we do?

What's your subject? I used to be a teacher-not an HOD, but top of the main scale. I now earn £17-20k for approx 15 hours tuition per week, term time only. If I did it full time I'd expect to earn £50k ish. I teach English, which is always in demand, but if you teach any core subject I'd expect the same to be true?

I do have a job. I also teach English so would be interested as to how this can be accessed.

I can see both sides. I wonder if some CBT counselling might help? Are you linked to a teaching union or anything could they not link you up with this? This may well help your self confidence/self esteem and help you move forward and take the next step either something associated with teaching but not necessarily in a school or perhaps allow you the confidence to apply to a school again?

What do you think to tutoring and marking?

Could you focus on teaching adults who want to learn English or who want to go back to school to gain better qualifications? I assume there would be night schools for something like this. It might be easier if you have older students after what happened in your previous role. Or could you get a second job in a shop or bar for example as a temporary means of supplementing your income? However scary it seems, you owe it to your family to try to find a new job. Good luck!

Two things spring to mind. Firstly is to go for a temporary post such as covering ML in a school you already know through supply teaching to regain confidence and hopefully gain a foothold into a school you like and is supportive. If you are doing supply you are clearly employable.

If teaching is out of the question consider roles such as working for educational charities. A friend was HOD in English and now doing lovely hours in a low stress, high fun charity that promotes literacy. If you need work then perhaps creative thinking is needed. Getting dh to understand isn't actually the problem here, paying your mortgage is.

However,mif you are planning on more DC and in the future want to fit around term times then school work is obviously more compatible with that. If you used to like teaching then you can again if you can overcome this horrible experience.

I would definitely recommend tutoring. I teach full time but tutor a few evenings a week too, it's great and I am regularly having to turn people away due to being fully booked. It's a great way to top up your earnings. I have recently been looking for a tutor for my son and struggled to find anybody with any availability. Good luck!

I already am doing supply teaching and exam marking. It's permanent jobs, applying for them, that our disagreements are about.

op I completely understand you wanting to work in your chosen area but if it makes you so anxious about reapplying then you need to go in a new direction untill your ready to bite the bullet.

What about role-playing interview scenarios with a friend or DH, where they ask you a few initial questions and then ask you about the gap in your CV? Can anyone advise on what sort of question an interviewer would ask about this? This way you can work out a way of answering it before you're thrown in to a pressured situation. Likewise, try writing the application form section that refers to this part and then post it here - people can help refine it. I don't know anything about teaching applications but some teachers on here may be able to help.

I tutor English and I'm always full and I exam mark
I earn more than I did as a teacher and lecturer at college for a fraction of the stress.

That's great and as I've said I'd appreciate advice on how to get started with tutoring.

There are lots of agencies you can join, and I'd also set up a website. Eventually you'll probably get most tutees through referrals but agencies are a good way to start.

If you want pm me op for more info-I've been with the same agency for 11 years with no issue at all