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AIBU?

dh looking for job in UK, I am devastated and don't want to leave, but he hasn't seen another job here....

60 replies

ernest · 21/02/2007 10:10

We moved away nearly 7 years ago to switzerland, 2 of my 3 boys were born here. I love it here. We have a fantastic quality of life. My eldest stared school in August, aged 7, and still only does 5 mornings and 2 afternoons. The rest of the time he's outside playing with his mates.

My middle son is in Kindergarten (5 mronigns & 1 afternoon).

The youngest will start Kindergarten in 1.5 years.

The eldest 2 are bi lingual, the youngest is learning fast.

I basically agreed with dh to move back, he's in a fairly specialisied field and much more opportunities in London than here. He's been looking for a new job for a while & not found anything here. So now he's looking in london.

I thought I was ok with it, but thinking about it, now seemingly an imminent reality I feel truly sick. Sorry, I know you all, or the vast majority live in UK and most of you happy, but I feel we'd loose so much

  • the kids would loose their bi- lingualism, ds3 would never even get it.

-they'd have to start school, and go the full day!!! They would hate to be away from me, and me them. My poor ds2 has never even been to school yet (he's 6.5) how on earth would he manage in a school where kids have bbeen going already for a couple of years?? My youngest is too young. He really is.
  • Even finding a school and getting a place at a decent one sounds unbelievably difficult.

-they'd loose their freedom, going out to play every afternoon. I constantly read on here parents saying even their 9 year old is not allowed out to play & other such stuff.
  • how on earth would we find a house, never mind be able to afford one?
  • I'd loose my lovely new home.
  • Our health service here is brilliant (if I phone doc a 7.55 am they ask if I want to bring him in straight away! I have never had to wait even a day for an appointment,)

The conjestion in london, the madness, the traffic.
  • In the unicef report published last week, UK came out bottom place for bringing up kids, whereas Switzerland feels idillic.
  • I have a great support network of neighbours, and we all look out for each others' kids.
  • We can get to Austria, Germany etc really easily for holidays etc.
  • our family quality of life is really high.
  • we'd either have to live in London (used to live in leyton, Wimbledon, Battersea & tooting, so know it & don't want a repeat performance), or we'd move to a village/subburb with the horror commute involved)


OMG, sorry for the mammoth ramble. It just feels like a no win situation. I can't see anything good about moving back to uk, apart from seeing family more, but seems like comparitively small gain.

If I say no, then dh stuck in job he's fed up with. Then he's unhappy. He already is. And now so am i.
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Judy1234 · 22/02/2007 18:07

Sadly most adultery is caused by opoortunity. In my view it is always a very very bad move for marriages for that kind of living apart to be set up.

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ernest · 22/02/2007 18:18

that has crossed my mind to Xenia. It's not an easy choice.

Hi doddle, glad your dh's interview went well. I don't know Zurich itself hardly at all, rarely jump on a train and wander round a city with 3 lo in tow, funnily enough, but where I ive in Kanton Zurich is fab

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oxocube · 22/02/2007 18:32

ernest, we lived in CH for almost 5 years (in Lausanne) and had 2 kids there who were more or less bi-lingual. Then DH got a job in Holland and I really didn't want to go as I had a life, friends, a job (teaching) in CH but move we did. Now, after almost 6 years, we have to move again. DH was made redundant last April and there is no work in his field here. We have bought our first house here, I have made fabulous friends, we have had another baby here but his new work is in Asia. We are now seriously set to move to Singapore, even though DH won't actually be there through the week.

No advice, except I am trying to be v positive. I am now 40 and have quite possibly lived half of my life. Singapore might be wonderful. I won't go into how sad I will be to leave NL cos it won't be helpful. In our position, commuting is not really an option.

I really hope you work it out.

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Judy1234 · 22/02/2007 22:35

I'm just a cynical divorceem, that's all and have known a lot of men over the years who pack the wife and children off to live in the country, commute at weekends and have the mistress of the month round at their London flat. I think it's often just opportunity - I can do it so I will. If the opportunity isn't there most people don't and of course a lot of people don't anyway and some have absolutely no interest in sex so you can't generalise.

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Sobernow · 22/02/2007 22:58

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MrsSchadenfreude · 23/02/2007 22:25

I don't wish to seem unhelpful, but will you and your children be allowed to live in CH if your husband moves to UK? Is your residence there not dependent on his job in CH? Just asking as CH is not in the EU and I know they can be strange about immigration/residency (as well as flushing the loo at night and not washing your car on a Sunday).

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Califrau · 23/02/2007 22:29

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oxocube · 24/02/2007 07:03

Thats a point Mrs S. When we were there, we had a 1 year residence permis which we had to renew anually and it depended on DH having a permanent contrat in Switzerland. After 5 years, I think you could apply for a 5 year permis - it may be different again if you have bought property there. It would certainly be worth double checking

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ernest · 24/02/2007 07:44

that's a good point, but we now have 'c' permits, which basically gives us permanent residency rights, and as we own property here should be ok, but good point , 'almost' same rights as swiss citizen.

califrau, i told dh if I had to leave my home, the only place I'd consider is se england. I wouldn't consider D or At because being a foreigner is bloody hard, as you well know! And I can't go throught that again. Not even for thier language. but good idea, but i've done my time being johnny foreigner. Learning hows tuff works in foreign country is really really difficult. don't wanna do that again. Although I think At seems wonderful.

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Backthennnnnn · 11/11/2022 21:09

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