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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not attend family event so soon after birth?

67 replies

Anonymouse123 · 03/01/2017 16:37

I'm due to give birth to my first DC mid February. It's both of my grandparents 80th birthdays coming up so I knew some kind of family do may take place at some point where they live - takes 2 hours approx sometimes more from me depending on traffic. My auntie informs us all during our xmas family gathering that the date is going to be in March, not even a month after my due date (that's if DC is on time!).

I said that seems quite soon after the birth to be travelling a distance with a new baby, but auntie said oh you'll want to show DC off soon after the birth, it's plenty of time even if DC comes late. It starts at 4pm, it would be a 4hr round trip minimum unless we stayed in a hotel overnight, DH would be doing the driving.

We're quite close as a family, I don't want to upset my grandparents by not being there and definitely don't want the date moved just for me as am quite happy to celebrate with grandparents another time - but AIBU to think it's ridiculous to be expected to come?

OP posts:

cocopopsrock · 03/01/2017 18:01

You could time your journey around naps, feeds and nappy changes. So before you set off, feed and change the baby. As soon as s/he is winded put them in the car seat and go. Start getting ready to leave around 10/11.. again change and feed so you are ready to go. Boom, baby sleeps in the car. I think you would regret not going. Babies that small are easy to bring to things like that.. they just sit there!
The only way I wouldn't go would be if i had a section.. thats too long for you to be in the car post op.
My cousin got married 10 days after I had ds via c section and i didn't go

MeredithsTequila · 03/01/2017 18:01

Otherwise, see if maybe someone could set up a screen for your grandparents to see you on Skype / Facetime as a surprise? Or record a video message?

What?! They're not in Australia They're two hours away!

The way I look at it, OP, you're going to want the baby to see them. Either you're going to have to go there, or they're going to have to come to you. The party is a great chance to celebrate your grandparents and show off your LO, all in one go!

Batteriesallgone · 03/01/2017 18:23

I had very straightforward births.

With DS (1st) two weeks after birth I passed a clot as big as my fist. It 'thunked' out of me and onto the floor.

At 4 weeks I started flooding, bed through a maternity pad and my clothes in a few minutes and had to go to hospital.

Even for a straightforward birth, rest and recovery is needed. You never know how well your insides are knitting back together.

Yes people do all sorts of things soon after birth. But the risk of ill health is much higher, I guess it's a case of how comfortable you are with the risks.

Daydream007 · 03/01/2017 18:31

Do what suits you and your DC. Family should understand.

BertrandRussell · 03/01/2017 18:38

"Do what suits you and your DC"

Bearing in mind that that might well be going to the party!

allowlsthinkalot · 03/01/2017 18:40

It's perfectly doable, it depends whether you want to go. I did a similar journey with dc1 at two weeks old. With dc4 I took her on a plane (2 hr journey to the airport) to visit family at four weeks old along with three more dc under 8.

Tiny babies are actually easier to travel with than toddlers in my experience. See how you feel once baby arrives.

MollyHuaCha · 03/01/2017 18:52

2 weeks after giving birth I chose not to go to a family funeral which was three hour drive away, and therefore a whole day's outing. The person who had died was so lovely and I was sad not to go, but I knew it just wasn't suitable for me (still had open wound, continence probs and was bleeding heavily) or for baby whom I was breastfeeding. Unfortunately nobody in the extended family understood or supported me. Another new mum who lived a 20 min drive from funeral took her bottle fed baby and apparently coped v well! The lack of support for me from all was disappointing. But I know I did the right thing

HighwayDragon1 · 03/01/2017 18:55

2-4 weeks after giving birth you should be fine. But wear black trousers, take lots of pads and spare pants with you i was still gushing like Niagara falls

katienana · 03/01/2017 19:04

Couldn't have done this with ds1 as I was still too poorly. Went to a wedding overnight 3 hours away with ds2 at 4 weeks and it was fine. A week makes a huge difference at that early stage.

Honeybee79 · 03/01/2017 19:08

Yanbu.

I had a c-section with both DC and about 3 weeks after DD I was expected to go to a do at SIL's on other side of London. We would have needed to use public transport. I said no way!

C8H10N4O2 · 03/01/2017 19:13

I'm with others saying 'see how it goes' and err on the side of caution. If you feel you could go I'd consider a hotel for one night anyway if you can afford it. Definitely take far more pads and nappies than you expect to need!

I went to DH Grandma's 100th birthday celebration 4 weeks after one of mine but it was not my first, was the easiest birth I had and the rest of the family were fantastically helpful to me.

I'm glad I made it - the picture of her with the great grandchildren including the new baby on her lap is one the whole family treasures and was worth the effort but I wouldn't have gone if I hadn't felt so well and be assured of general family support and understanding (I fell asleep at on point under a tree :))

MargaretCabbage · 03/01/2017 19:13

We had to travel three hours to a funeral when my first was two weeks old. It was awful. I had a third degree tear and found it difficult to sit comfortably, my baby didn't sleep at all so I felt awful and I was having a hard time breastfeeding and I blame that day for me giving it up. My second baby was super easy and I felt great after the birth so it would have been no problem then.

I'd see how you feel.

Blu · 03/01/2017 19:45

The age of your baby could be up to 4 weeks different by the time of the party, if they are 2 weeks early or late.

Every birth, every baby, every woman is different. I had a long back to back labour, ventouse, Dc had post birth complications, but we were ready and raring to go away for a long weekend, me driving 2 hours, within just over 2 weeks. At 5 weeks I drove alone with Dc to visit family for a few days on a journey that takes 3.5 hours.

I say this just to show that it is possible for life to resume without complication . It just can't be guaranteed.

Would it be possible to go by train? A drag though because you would have to lug the car seat for taxi / lift the other end. Unless you have a well equipped relative.

TataEs · 03/01/2017 19:45

it's very personal.
with ds1 i travelled 4hours to see family when he was 16days old.but i wore pjs the whole time and was waited on hand and foot.
with ds2 i travelled 4 hours to my grandads 90th 2.5weeks after he was born. was fine. good in fact. but i was out shopping with the 2kids on my own 3days post birth with that one (btw don't recommend!) so 2.5weeks seemed like we were well into the swing of things.
i didn't drive either time to. and i couldn't have. i wasn't really up to such a long trip if i wasn't just sleeping in the car!

just say ull see how you feel but don't count on you. normal people will understand.

DesignedForLife · 03/01/2017 20:08

I went to a major family event two hours drive away two weeks after DC was born by crash section where I nearly died and lost a hell of a lot of blood. I was still pretty out of it on strong painkillers. Stayed overnight with family (who helped a lot) but looking back it seems like a pretty mad thing to do. I think I enjoyed it? Was too exhausted to tell tbh, and think I accidentally offended a relative.

Don't commit, decide how you feel closer to the time.

Amummyatlast · 03/01/2017 20:10

For the first 6 weeks DD would only sleep on me or DH, so I was on my knees with exhaustion and I had a infection. You might have a 'good' baby, but I would err on the side of caution. I also would be very wary of keeping a baby in a car seat for that long.

Itsjustaphase84 · 03/01/2017 20:37

I'd wait to see how you feel. I had no idea I'd get recurring mastitis and strep infection for the first 4 weeks which meant I felt awful (flu like) and didn't want to go anywhere obviously. But if you don't go, YANBU!!

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