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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not attend family event so soon after birth?

67 replies

Anonymouse123 · 03/01/2017 16:37

I'm due to give birth to my first DC mid February. It's both of my grandparents 80th birthdays coming up so I knew some kind of family do may take place at some point where they live - takes 2 hours approx sometimes more from me depending on traffic. My auntie informs us all during our xmas family gathering that the date is going to be in March, not even a month after my due date (that's if DC is on time!).

I said that seems quite soon after the birth to be travelling a distance with a new baby, but auntie said oh you'll want to show DC off soon after the birth, it's plenty of time even if DC comes late. It starts at 4pm, it would be a 4hr round trip minimum unless we stayed in a hotel overnight, DH would be doing the driving.

We're quite close as a family, I don't want to upset my grandparents by not being there and definitely don't want the date moved just for me as am quite happy to celebrate with grandparents another time - but AIBU to think it's ridiculous to be expected to come?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 03/01/2017 17:12

Just say you'll come if you can. Then see how you feel.

I did something similar with both of mine and had a lovely time being made a fuss of and showing off my babies. Smile

thesleepystorm · 03/01/2017 17:12

Yanbu. I wouldn't go either.

cestlavielife · 03/01/2017 17:14

Make a provisional hotel booking but say that you will have to see how you feel.
Don't fret just leave it open. You may be fine or you may have to say no on the day.
I travelled London to n wales with dc2 few weeks old and ds1 and elderly aunt ! I was driving ! Survived...

BertrandRussell · 03/01/2017 17:15

It's as ridiculous to say you definitely won't as it would be for someone else to insist you do. Wait and see,

diddl · 03/01/2017 17:15

I think it's a wait & see scenario.

I had an easy birth, no stitches or tears-it was the getting comfortable with the breastfeeding that was the thing.

Fine in your own home when you can whip a top off if necessary.

Not always so easy elsewhere & in public!

I agree it's not on to expect you there.

BreatheDeep · 03/01/2017 17:17

Just to clarify my post, I'm currently sitting with my 2 week old asleep on me. He was 2 weeks overdue. I'm breastfeeding and at the moment he's going 1-2 hours between feeds and nappy changes. I personally would not do a 2 hour trip at the moment as it's likely to take at least 3 hours.

SparkleShinyGlitter · 03/01/2017 17:18

Just say you will see how things are at the time.

Never commit to anything close to birth but never rule anything completely out either. Every woman/birth and baby are different some women are up and going out etc a few days/weeks after birth.

BravoPanda · 03/01/2017 17:18

No, the new study shows oxygen levels can drop after 30 minutes. It's not official yet but it's what we'll be going by when our new baby arrives in the summer. Why take a risk when it's something that isn't imperative to go to?

AnneElliott · 03/01/2017 17:18

I agree you should see how you feel. I went to a wedding when DS was 7 days old, another at 8 days old and then we drove to Wales at 9 days old.

MrsMcMoo · 03/01/2017 17:22

Totally depends how you're feeling. You might find you feel ok and want to be there, but you don't want to be committed to anything.

Pinkheart5915 · 03/01/2017 17:22

I am going to echo others. Don't commit yourself to going but don't say absolutely not either. Right now you have no idea how you will feel at the time

Each birth/baby really is different. With my first dc I got married 4 weeks later a fair few hours from home. My best friend however due to a c section and many complications she was poorly for a while.

Trifleorbust · 03/01/2017 17:26

Advice was no more than half an hour in the car seat for my 3 week old DD. She will also - naturally - need feeding and changing probably twice during a 2 hour car journey and will be upset if we're on the motorway and can't stop - absolute nightmare. I wouldn't be going.

MauiChristmas · 03/01/2017 17:31

Wait and see, I would have had no problem doing this visit even just a few days after DCs births.

notangelinajolie · 03/01/2017 17:32

See how you feel. Explain that you would love to be there but that you can't any make promises until after the birth. You may well feel fine and do as auntie says, however you may have a difficult birth or be overdue (my 3rd was nearly 3 weeks late). All babies are different and we all have different birth experiences so you can't possibly say if you will be there or not.

So I guess what I am saying is that you can't possibly know how you will feel. Babies are special and you both need to recover but for lots of people life carries on at a reasonably normal pace soon after.
The birth of my first baby knocked me for six and I didn't leave the house for weeks, but after my third I was off to tesco the next day.

I don't see how anyone would be offended if you didn't feel up to it and I'm sure your grandparents will be delighted to see you and your little one safe and well at a later date even if you miss the party.

Ilovenannyplum · 03/01/2017 17:33

I went to a very large shopping centre the day after having DS. I felt absolutely fine and clearly had a lot of adrenaline still running though me. I was bloody knackered for the first few weeks but could still function and leave the house and see family etc.

Don't rule it out yet, you might feel up to it?
Basically you won't know how you're going to be until baby arrives so don't stress about it now....

Uiscebeatha85 · 03/01/2017 17:34

I think it's fine. I did a 4 hr round trip with a stopover 3 weeks after DD was born and I had a hard labour. It was totally fine.

TheWoodlander · 03/01/2017 17:36

Definitely a wait and see thing. You obviously can't commit - but you may be fine and want to go. I was certainly travelling around with my first after a few weeks - I loved getting out and about with him.

A friend of mine attended a whole day wedding with a hotel stay when her baby was a week old (which is impressive!)

You don't know how you'll feel until you've had the baby - but you absolutely shouldn't be pressurised into it.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 03/01/2017 17:39

It's as ridiculous to say you definitely won't as it would be for someone else to insist you do. Wait and see

I completely agree.

Lovelongweekends · 03/01/2017 17:42

Recent research showed that newborn babies SATS drop to 80% after 30mins in a car seat. It's completely impossible to put into practice though, the school run takes longer than 30mins.

hippyhippyshake · 03/01/2017 17:44

I'm aghast at a baby needing two feeds and two nappy changes in two hours!

Daisyfrumps · 03/01/2017 17:48

You may still be pregnant or very early postnatal in March if you're 40 weeks mid-feb. How on earth can you commit now.

Original poster
Anonymouse123 · 03/01/2017 17:50

Thanks all for your advice, I wont commit for now and will wait and see how I feel closer to the time.

Think a lot of my concern comes from normal first time mum worries in the last remaining weeks.

Thanks @JsOtherHalf for sharing the new advice which has come in.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 03/01/2017 17:51

You'll get people on here telling you about how they climbed Mount Kilimanjaro 2 days after giving birth to their 10lb twins, but, in all honesty you will have no idea how you will be.
It's possible your baby will arrive in a straightforward delivery, 2 weeks before due date and (s)he then sleeps for hours and takes to breastfeeding very readily and you will feel you would love to go.
It's equally possible you baby will be 2 weeks late, you have a horrendous birth - or maybe a section - and then the baby struggles to latch on and you get depression or the baby gets reflux or....(well, I won't scare you with anything else Grin).
Most likely, you will be somewhere in the middle, but no-one will know until March.

For now, say, it will be a shame to miss it, but you probably won't be able to make it but will come and visit with the baby as soon as you feel well enough, and leave it at that. If you think you might want to a week or so before, then contact whoever is arranging the meals / seating / whatever, and let them know. Otherwise, see if maybe someone could set up a screen for your grandparents to see you on Skype / Facetime as a surprise? Or record a video message?

Ohyesiam · 03/01/2017 17:54

Keep it open. I am no super woman, but happily took 1st dd to a party 2 hours away when she was 2 weeks old , and them on a plane at 6 weeks.
But we are all different, so nobody would mind if you couldn't make it.