To think if it's an evening invite then no kids, surely?

[QuandryQueen]

A friend of ours has invited dh and I round for a meal end of the month. We both have small kids (our ds is 4, dd 2), they have ds also 4, dd aged 2 and another ds 6mo.

We accepted the invite and we're looking forward to it, however it transpires they want us to bring the dc. Both our kids go to bed 7ish and whilst we will keep them up for stuff like weddings or what not, a sit down meal at a friends house isn't something we would ever think to bring such small kids to.

Obviously we assumed their baby would be part of the evening with him being so small, and have said we are happy to wait till their elder son and daughter has gone to bed if that makes life easier - and offered to bring a course with us I should add.

They do seem rather insistent that our sons and their dd will play together while we dine but tbh I know I won't relax. Invariably small kids and late nights are exhausting and dh or I will constantly be on alert for arguments over who had what first and that sort of thing. And dd is an early bird who likes her bed and would be unbearable after 6pm

I'd rather, if kids were involved, all do a day out or meet for lunch.

Aibu?

Your children are still really little, by that time, they will be so tired and not wanting to do much playing and socialising. I would tell them no, you would rather come without the kids, and leave them with someone.

YANBU - and what is this line that always gets trotted out on these threads: 'we have no babysitters'.

Everyone can get a babysitter - you just have to pay a childcare professional if you don't have relatives nearby

Jiggly not everyone is comfortable with getting babysitters in. Not if they don't know them.

Jiggly not everyone is comfortable with getting babysitters in. Not if they don't know them.

Not to mention the cost.

It either needs to be earlier or don't take the DCs. Tbh though I don't do adult dinner parties, its always with children but I'd serve up food anytime from 5, whatever suited. I find 'tea' invites manage expectations of what will be served also 😂😂. What seems odd about this is that it sounds like the children aren't expected to eat but just riot around while you do. What can possibly go wrong.....?

I know that user 147whatever. But that's we don't like to use babysitters, not we don't have them. And I know it's expensive, Basic - I'm a single parent. I don't go out much!

Yanbu for not wanting to do that, but major YABU for thinking they are doing anything wrong with them doing it that way.
We have parties etc with friends and bring our kids, they play while adults eat, have a drink etc. The baby goes to sleep upstairs. It works great for us. If you don't want to, just say so, but don't act like its a bizarre thing for anyone to do!

I would definitely just ask them to change it to a lunch time event as your DD doesn't do well past 6pm so there'd be no point coming if you were going to be constantly dealing with a grumpy toddler.

I think some people don't realise how different other children are. I have a friend with a two year old who can be given a colouring or sticker book and will literally sit quietly for at least an hour while she chats to friends. She always gets annoyed that other friends don't want to bring their toddlers to nice restaurants for three course meals; She thinks they're being ridiculous and it's easy to keep toddlers entertained by just bringing a few books along - after all she manages fine. Likewise some kids (like mine) can be kept up late now and then, and it's not a problem, others turn into little hellions.

It's fine for them to invite you for an evening meal with kids and it's fine for you to say actually evenings don't work well for my kids, how about lunch instead.

YANBU

I would also translate an evening invite as a no-kid invite, unless expressly told otherwise when asked. However, when we are invited by close friends or family, we do take kids along. For us, it's better because they sleep late in the morning, so it's very nice. The kids have nibbles, play in another room, and finish the evening with a movie.

However, it's fine to say it doesn't work for you and you are really looking forward to a child-free evening (YOUR children). I am lucky that my kids are very flexible with evening routines . However, I hated lunch invites when they were little, because the afternoon nap was my life-saver. I do feel your pain!

If your children aren't used to late nights then it probably won't be much fun. But we have often taken our DCs to friends/or invited friends for dinner with their DCs from around that age. Sometimes feeding kids first so they can watch a film while we eat, or sometimes eating all together.
Would a sleepover be an option, could you put your DCs to sleep upstairs while you eat and then either stay over or drive them back in PJs?