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Original poster

Breastfeeding issue - night out

76 replies

TeaCakeLiterature · 02/01/2017 21:59

Hi ladies,
This is probably a message for breastfeeders:

For Christmas I got a lovely present which involves a night out next month. It's very kind and generous but my 5month old is still exclusively breastfed and goes to bed after a final feed.

In the early days we used a bottle occasionally for expressed milk but soon stopped to help my supply regulate etc and he hasn't had a bottle since (about 4months ago!).

I know some people are happy expressing etc or weaning onto bottles, but I don't want to have to put him on a bottle just for one night. I also don't know how to manage him going to bed without final feed snuggles.

I've had a very difficult pregnancy and postpartum and the major positive thing has been breastfeeding and so I don't want to do anything different just because of a night off e.g. Wean / change night time routine. I know some might say it's good to be able to be free but I've been told I may not be able to have another baby and so making the most of this very short time feeding him myself is very important to me.

Any ideas on what to do?

Am I being unreasonable thinking it's nice but not appropriate right now?!

I guess my options are:
A) go and use bottles / and find an alternative to his final feed and snuggle (don't want to do this!)

B) don't go

C) go for part of it: feed him before the event and leave part way though so I'm back for his final feed

What do you guys think?
Any other options??

OP posts:
user1471449434 · 02/01/2017 23:58

I had a similar issue about a month ago. Christmas night out that I had already paid for before I had baby (thinking "he'll be 4 months & I'll be totally fine with going out by then"!) I had to start expressing a couple of days beforehand about 4 times a day just so I had enough for 1 feed (could only manage at the most 1oz per expressing session!) It was exhausting trying to do that on top of looking after him & if I hadn't already paid for it I probably would've just not went. I did go & have a lovely time BUT I decided that it just wasn't worth the hassle that I had went through & decided I wouldn't be doing that again (unless I really had to!) for the sake of a night out, the breastfeeding won't last forever & there'll be other nights out that I can go to. I also hated it when people said "just give him some formula, it's only 1 night!" For various reasons I did not want to give him formula but felt like people thought I was being awkward! I too had lots of problems at the start after a traumatic birth & PND. So if you don't feel comfortable going then please don't force yourself to go just so you don't upset your friend! I'm sure she'll get over it, & if she is a true friend then she'll understand. Like I said, there'll be other concerts & nights out you can go to once you stop breastfeeding, whenever you decide that will be.

DailyFail1 · 03/01/2017 00:02

Could you adjust his routine for that night? If baby stays awake then they stay awake. Just spoil yourself for one night.

Rockchick1984 · 03/01/2017 00:13

Can you go out later after bedtime? That's the way I managed nights out with my DD, I'd get ready while DH got her ready for bed, then as soon as I'd fed her to sleep I could just dash out!

If that's not possible then personally I wouldn't go, I would have spent the evening stressing about how she would be, I'd have been leaking like mad, and I wouldn't have been able to enjoy myself.

gluteustothemaximus · 03/01/2017 00:16

You can maintain your own identity without having to leave your baby when you don't want to.

^ This ^

BabySnores · 03/01/2017 10:15

Do what is best for you. The gift is lovely but as you've said so is the final feed with your ds and you'd obviously prefer to do that so you should do it.

I can't say if I'd go or not. My lo is only six weeks and I haven't left him and gone out without him yet. I has a traumatic birth too and the idea of being very apart from him (except when his dad walks him at night) makes me anxious.

allowlsthinkalot · 03/01/2017 11:18

I wouldn't have been able to go when my babies were six months old. Is it something that's possible to rearrange for a few months' time?

allowlsthinkalot · 03/01/2017 11:19

I expect that even if you feed him to sleep then go out, he will still wake for milk when you're out?

Isadora2007 · 03/01/2017 11:25

Just be honest with your friend. If She is a good friend she will be happy you've been honest and she can take someone else. It's a lovely gesture but not for you at this time.

The worry and pressure in the run up to going out would negate the enjoyement of the night which would also likely be stressful and possibly uncomfortable for you. Wet patches at the ready!!
It's lovely you are enjoying your baby and your BF journey. They do grow up and they do grow out of needing you constantly so enjoy the time while you can. And ignore the people telling you you "need a life" or you "need baby to be able to cope without you" as you can easily do as you are doing AND end up with a socially normal and well
Adjusted happy child. I assure you. Smile

Original poster
TeaCakeLiterature · 03/01/2017 11:27

Thanks again for replies! I really appreciate it; I think those who have said I don't want to go are right...I'm only considering it for my friend as I don't want to appear ungrateful.

Hearing that it's ok to not want to go means so much!! Thank you. (Won't make telling her any easier though!)

I feel awful because she doesn't have kids and so I can understand that she might think the same as other people who have commented - why can't I just leave bottles/cups and disrupt his routine...but I don't want him to have formula, I don't want to faff with expressing, I don't feel I want a night out, and I don't want to disrupt his routine.

So now I need to figure out how to manage it I guess 😞

OP posts:
Seeline · 03/01/2017 11:29

I love all these 'just give formula/express some/they'll be weaned a won't need milk' comments.
Just a reminder that every baby is different.
My DD never took a bottle/cup for milk. I couldn't express - just didn't work.
She didn't take to weaning, wasn't really eating enough to fill her up until about 18 months. I was till bfing at 15 months - didn't have a choice.
DD was my second. DS mixed fed, stopped bfing at 6 months and didn't look back after weaning at 4 months (we did in those days).
I would stop worrying about it and see how things are closer to the day. Things change very quickly at that age.

graveyardkate · 03/01/2017 11:35

I was invited to an all day wedding when my DD was about 6-7 months and had never been left / had a bottle. My parents, bless them, brought her to the wedding venue (about an hour from home) in the late afternoon so she could have a feed. When they got home, I had gone to quite some lengths to express a bottle (first and only time) which I left in the fridge, but of course she wouldn't touch it so she had to go to bed with a belly full of mashed banana and yoghurt instead - but I don't think anyone was traumatised by it. One night won't hurt. The worst problem you will probably find is engorged boobs!

purplefizz26 · 03/01/2017 11:35

A

One nigh

purplefizz26 · 03/01/2017 11:36

A

One night out and one bottle if you know the baby will take it, is not he end of he world.

Normal routines will resume the next day.

tappitytaptap · 03/01/2017 11:45

I was a bit nervous before leaving my DS for the first time OP so understand how you feel. I mixed fed DS from about 4 months (just one bottle) and he was fully on formula by 8 months as I went back to work. When I went out DS had a bottle then I just fed him when I got back. It was fine, and he fell asleep fine for my DH. However am slightly surprised at all the people with older babies who have never been on a night out since they were born. Presume you are all stay at home mums then as otherwise they'd have to have a bottle for childcare? Unless they are old enough to have stopped feeding in the day?

IfYouDontImagineNothingHappens · 03/01/2017 14:04

I wouldn't do it, personally I don't think it's fair to you or the baby. Sit down and explain to your friend that you are really grateful but it just isn't going to work.

Itsjustaphase2016 · 03/01/2017 14:18

I've had a similar thing with all 3 of mine. At some point, if you want some freedom, someone else will have to settle them. Ok so it's probably easier if they're taking some solids in the evening but it's not the end of the world if not. All mine were EBF for 6 months and then fed for 18 months or so. They never took a bottle of any kind. Just water in a sippy cup from 18 months. But I left them with my sis or DH for nights out from 12 weeks!! Just gave them a last feed at 7pm and they fell asleep, and if they did wake they were just got up out of the cot and cuddled back to sleep by whoever was in charge!

Itsjustaphase2016 · 03/01/2017 14:19

*water from 6 months, not 18!

grannytomine · 03/01/2017 14:23

OP you have to make the right decision for you. I think people are trying to be helpful by suggesting ways to make it happen but if you don't want it to happen then there is no point. I know it will be hard for your friend to understand but if she is a good friend I am sure she will get her head round it.

I hope you will get over the trauma of the birth but you have done brilliantly not letting it affect your bond with baby. I hope things continue to go well.

HermioneWoozle · 03/01/2017 14:29

I ebf DD1 for 7 months and went out on a hen do when she was about 2 months old, having tested that she would take expressed milk in a bottle first and having expressed a ridiculously large supply of milk. As I wasn't feeding her myself for a bit I had a few drinks as well, and expressed and binned the milk afterwards to be on the safe side.

itsmine · 03/01/2017 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

puglife15 · 03/01/2017 14:35

Just gave them a last feed at 7pm and they fell asleep, and if they did wake they were just got up out of the cot and cuddled back to sleep by whoever was in charge!

If only it was that easy for all of us. Dc2 well only settle for me in the evening and night after about 9pm, and wakes every 1-2 hours till at 10 months. Dc1 was fine to leave from 3-4 months.

I think my answer is it depends on the baby. But regardless of that your don't want to go and that's fine.

I'd make a big fuss to your friend of how thoughtful they were being, what an amazing generous present and how much they mean to you but you just can't leave your baby right now and how sorry you are that now's not the right time. Maybe suggest something else you could do instead?

Or, could your dp bring baby along and you nip out to feed / cuddle when required?

FSVC · 03/01/2017 14:42

How long would you actually be out and how far from home? Could you book a hotel room near the venue and feed, go to drinks/gig then straight back? If you can express whoever is looking after him could offer him a cup/bottle/spoon feed if he gets hungry, though I appreciate for a lot of babies there's no substitute acceptable (why no boob emoji? I want to put one here! Biscuit pretend that's one.
Most bands won't play for more than 90 mins or so - is that a possible compromise?
I do understand you've had a tough time and you don't want to go but your friend may well not, if she's not had a difficult feeder herself it's hard for people to truly grasp.
I think you need to have a heart to heart with your mate about it, tell her everything you wrote here. chances are she just hasn't thought about the logistics being tricky and maybe there's a workable solution or she knows someone else she could take.

FSVC · 03/01/2017 14:47

Sorry, I sound a bit dismissive of you not wanting to go, I'm really not! I just think it's hard if someone's had an 'easy' baby (or maybe no babies, does your mate have kids?) to understand what the first few months can be like (I actually think people without kids are more understanding sometimes as they don't project what they would have done) and she will be hurt if she thinks it's 'just an excuse' not to go. Sorry that something that should be lovely has ended up stressing you out.

Just thought - could you take baby to the drinks reception then get his dad/nan/whoever to push him round in the buggy during the gig? He could get his photo taken with the band! Am I the only one who really wants to know who it is Grin

primarynoodle · 03/01/2017 14:53

My ebf bottle refuser is now 6 months

I had a night out (7-12ish) at 4 months and she slept after bedtime feed til I came home

I had a night out at 5.5 months (8-1ish) and she woke up and cried a bit with daddy but was settleable (although didn't sleep or take the expressed milk) until I came home and fed to sleep again

Not ideal and I did fret quite a bit a lot but in the end I'm glad I went because it gave me confidence that she would in fact survive and be fine

Your baby won't starve and it will be fine and won't affect breastfeeding at all, do what you want to do without any guilt from either side :)

Original poster
TeaCakeLiterature · 03/01/2017 17:44

She doesn't have kids, so my fear is she may assume it's easier for me than it is (either practically or emotionally!)

Her sister who is coming with us has experience working with kids and was the one that suggested giving him formula 😞 so her experience may make her think it's easier than I'm finding it.

I think I might suggest to her that I ask my husband to drive me over so I can feed him right before the drinks reception and then I'll stay for an hour and a half - so only about 45mins of the gig (which might only be the 'guest' performance not the band itself) or if she would rather she can take someone else.
It seems pointless only going for 45mins of the gig when I might not see the actual band but just their guests - but I guess that's a compromise as then I can be back in time to feed him and have our bedtime routine.

Unless of course he has a phase of doing what he's currently doing and wanting to feed almost every 45-60mins - growth spurt?!?! Lol

OP posts:
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