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AIBU?

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Original poster

Breastfeeding issue - night out

76 replies

TeaCakeLiterature · 02/01/2017 21:59

Hi ladies,
This is probably a message for breastfeeders:

For Christmas I got a lovely present which involves a night out next month. It's very kind and generous but my 5month old is still exclusively breastfed and goes to bed after a final feed.

In the early days we used a bottle occasionally for expressed milk but soon stopped to help my supply regulate etc and he hasn't had a bottle since (about 4months ago!).

I know some people are happy expressing etc or weaning onto bottles, but I don't want to have to put him on a bottle just for one night. I also don't know how to manage him going to bed without final feed snuggles.

I've had a very difficult pregnancy and postpartum and the major positive thing has been breastfeeding and so I don't want to do anything different just because of a night off e.g. Wean / change night time routine. I know some might say it's good to be able to be free but I've been told I may not be able to have another baby and so making the most of this very short time feeding him myself is very important to me.

Any ideas on what to do?

Am I being unreasonable thinking it's nice but not appropriate right now?!

I guess my options are:
A) go and use bottles / and find an alternative to his final feed and snuggle (don't want to do this!)

B) don't go

C) go for part of it: feed him before the event and leave part way though so I'm back for his final feed

What do you guys think?
Any other options??

OP posts:
Cguk81 · 02/01/2017 22:44

I really sympathise with your predicament. I had friends who took the hump when I said I couldn't make a night out when my dd was a few months old. It does put a lot of pressure on you but my thinking was that babies are so little for such a short time and you shouldn't feel under pressure to leave her if you are not ready. The rest of the world will just have to wait.

Hawkmoth · 02/01/2017 22:53

DS1 was four months old when I went out without him for the first time. He was fine, I was not. I spent the whole evening fiddling with a bouncy ball I found in my handbag and ate my meal one handed. He was not a put downable baby.

RupertsMum2 · 02/01/2017 22:54

You don't sound very keen to go so I would tell friend that as kind as her gift was it's not possible at the moment. He's only 5 months. You have years ahead of you to party.

gluteustothemaximus · 02/01/2017 22:55

Hate pressure from anyone regarding leaving baby. It is never anyone else's choice but your own. And, no, you can't 'just give formula' for one night. Jeez.

It's ok to be close to your tiny baby. It's ok for your baby to need you to sleep/settle at the breast.

If you really felt you needed time to yourself by way of a night out, you would find a way. It sounds as though you're very content with how things currently are and only considering going because of letting down your friend.

I would try and talk to the friend and let her know how you feel. But lots of people don't get it. You're supposed to be climbing the walls to escape from your baby and get 'you' time or you must be odd/control freak.

Please don't feel pressured x

OohNoDooEy · 02/01/2017 22:57

Why can you not just give formula? I think from the OP it is for 2 feeds

ammature · 02/01/2017 22:59

Don't do it if you don't want too. Simple. Enjoy boobing your baby, don't give him a bottle unless you want too.

TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder · 02/01/2017 23:01

It really doesn't sound like you want to go. There's no shame in that at all. I'm not ready to leave my ebf 6 month old yet either. I'm not feeling desperate for a night out, she bfs to sleep every night and still wakes every 3 hours for a feed so logistically I don't know how this would work and I know I'd just miss her anyway so there's really no point. Add to that your PTSD and I think it's absolutely fine for you to want to stay with your baby.

If the friend who bought the tickets is a good mate then she will understand. Would she really want you to be feeling anxious? I hope not.

WorraLiberty · 02/01/2017 23:02

Urrrgh! 'Boobing your baby'?? Confused Grin

Ooh I wonder if formula might upset the baby's stomach if not used to it?

dustarr73 · 02/01/2017 23:04

Why can you not just give formula? I think from the OP it is for 2 feeds

Haha because there are different types and different bottles.Its not a one size fits all.Go if you want to,but if you dont want too thats alright as well.They are small for so little time.But if you want to go,go.Come back earlier.

I bf all 5 of mine,having the dad or another person being able to put the baby down is good.It means if something comes up you have someone that can do it.

gluteustothemaximus · 02/01/2017 23:08

If I suggested to a formula feeder to switch to breastfeeding just for 2 feeds, it wouldn't go down well.

Birthdaypartyangstiness · 02/01/2017 23:09

Go with your gut.

I remember with my first feeling the pressure to look like i could do it all, trying to express etc...it was just awful. Stress, guilt by the bucket load.

Second time around i knew better. Just committed to having baby attached to me for 6 months. Fully breast fed, with no messing with expressing or bottles. Worked much better for us, the feeding and weight gains were much better. I didnt go on a long planned night out at around 5.5 months, but was ready a couple of months later. No regrets. Its such a short time really.

Everyone is different of course, just do what is right for you.

Masketti · 02/01/2017 23:15

6 months for me felt mentally very different from 5 months but you won't know that till you get there.

Around 6 months is the time to try and think about not feeding to sleep, feed then book then bed rather than the feed as the last thing. Might be something to introduce a couple of weeks in advance to get him settled into that routine?

Bringmewineandcake · 02/01/2017 23:20

I'm with you, OP. DD2 is 6 months and I've been out twice in that time, once making sure I was back for her final feed. Neither time did I actually want to go but I made myself go as they were important events workwise.
If this was something you really wanted to go to then you'd be looking at ways to make it work. From your posts I'm getting the distinct impression it's not worth it to you. So don't go. Simples Smile

foxyloxy78 · 02/01/2017 23:20

Go with your gut. You don't want to go, so tell your friend you can't go. If she is a friend, she will understand.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 02/01/2017 23:22

In the nicest possible way, you need to remember you're a person as well as a mum. It's one night-go & enjoy it, the baby will be 6 months by then so you'll have started weaning, this drops bf considerably. Even if it doesn't a couple of bottles will do no harm.

CosyCoupe88 · 02/01/2017 23:31

I personally wpuldnt go. I tried all thay when little one was under 9 months and it was always miserable and I felt like rubbish and didn't have a good time. So stressful leading up to it and the event itself = stressful sad and anxious.

Wish I hadn't bothered trying to express and formula feed introduce so I could bend to pressure from famikt and others to take sone "me time" . Best times were when I had him come along then he slept haha.

Do whatever you feel comfortable with. Don't worry about it being an expensive wasted gift. Woukd be even more wasted if you went and had a stressful lead up and time of it. Gift it to someone else or give it back to her and apologise if it's not possible for you right now and don't let anyone make you feel guilty for it.

It may be fine though. Can you take someone else along who can look after baby while you're at concert then have baby stay over with your!

Alorsmum · 02/01/2017 23:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Raaaaaah · 02/01/2017 23:36

Nofucking but OP doesn't want to go she would only be doing it to appease her friend. You can maintain your own identity without having to leave your baby when you don't want to. It took me until I had DC3 to realise that actually I prefer to focus on motherhood for the first 18months and that the independence from you children comes soon enough. By the same token I completely respect Mum's who feel the need for that independent earlier. It's horses for courses.

JaniceBattersby · 02/01/2017 23:37

I wouldn't go. My best friend had her hen week in Spain when I had a five month old that I was exclusively BFing. She said it was ok because I could just go to the night out the week afterwards. She was so pissed off when I said I couldn't go. She didn't really understand that I couldn't, and also didn't want to, leave him. To be honest, before I breastfed a baby I would have been a bit Hmm about someone not wanting to leave them for a few hours at that age.

Anyway, I'm four kids in now and I've stopped trying to go on nights out when the babies are really little. It's just too much hassle. I wait until they're old enough to work around feeds so I know I can relax and really enjoy the night out. Otherwise, what's the point? You're just going out to keep someone else happy.

missm0use · 02/01/2017 23:44

Would you be willing to try expressing enough to attempt cup feeding - a lot easier than trying to get your little one to use a bottle for one evening. That way you can go for the evening and know that your little one has milk available just encase you end up being away longer than planned.

PotatoWaffleCob · 02/01/2017 23:50

I wouldn't go. I didn't go on a night out until DD1 was 11 months old when she was reliably sleeping from 7pm until at least 3am/4am. I put her to bed then went out for a meal with friends. DD2 is 3mo and I don't forsee a night out any time soon. I'm fine with that. It doesn't make me any better or worse than any other mother - it is what I am comfortable with. If you don't want to go, don't go.

dustarr73 · 02/01/2017 23:50

missm0use

I couldnt express to save my life,i found it easier to go and come back and feed.By the time i expressed enough to go out,i would have been back 10 times over.

Ginseng1 · 02/01/2017 23:54

I'd go but then you don't want hear that I don't think. (I was v happy to give mine some bottles from 3 months to get night out time away from baby but I know not everyone does) Sounds like you don't want to go & you want people to say that's ok. Which of course it is if you not ready then don't go your friends should understand.

AppleMagic · 02/01/2017 23:56

I wouldn't go. In my case missing a couple of feeds prior to starting solids would mean I'd spend the whole time horribly engorged and leaking all over my top.

umizoomi · 02/01/2017 23:57

What time is 'final feed'?

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