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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU This not normal behaviour!

42 replies

coccolocco · 02/01/2017 19:47

Haven't seen OH's Aunty in a while. Went over and instead of saying hello or anything else she said
"you look really tired." I replied a little surprised (as i had made a real effort to look presentable and put on make-up)
"Oh I've been running around after the kids." She then said
"You've got loads of spots." I was left gobsmacked!!! Who says this to someone, i wouldn't dream of it!

OP posts:
formerbabe · 02/01/2017 19:48

Is she very old?

Original poster
coccolocco · 02/01/2017 19:50

Im 32 she is 40.

OP posts:
downwardfacingdog · 02/01/2017 19:53

Shock YANBU!

QueenMortificado · 02/01/2017 19:54

Is she from a different culture? My friend's husband is and she gets regularly told she is tired, looks unwell etc

Coffeeisnecessary · 02/01/2017 19:57

Who says this? Someone extremely rude! You are definitely not being unreasonable to be annoyed about this. Could she be one of those people who have to put others down to feel good about themselves?

Birdsgottafly · 02/01/2017 20:01

Unless she is from a blunt culture, then it was designed to take the wind out of your sales and knock you down.

Next time answer "and you're incredibly rude".

Original poster
coccolocco · 02/01/2017 20:01

Coffeeisnecessary- I've never understood people who do that. It's so bloody cheeky.

QueenMortificado- Surely an insult is an insult whichever culture you're from? Especially the 'spot' thing...i only had three!

OP posts:
Fartleks · 02/01/2017 20:09

Answer back 'what a rude thing to say'

YouTheCat · 02/01/2017 20:12

Comment on her wrinkles next time you see her.

Make it into a competition to see who can be the most obnoxious. Grin

AliTheMinx · 02/01/2017 21:45

So rude! How insulting... I would be very upset. Maybe she's jealous? Is she usually very hung up on appearance?

TheWitTank · 02/01/2017 21:47

'I was just thinking the same about you! Rough Christmas?'
RUDE

DearMrDilkington · 02/01/2017 21:50

My dm says things like this to me! She's close enough to me to get away with it though..

user1477282676 · 02/01/2017 21:52

She's just a rude, mean woman OP. I had a colleague who did that sort of thing.

"What's wrong with your face!??" and a shocked expression sort of thing.

Look at her blankly and say "Whatever are you talking about? Then quickly walk off/speak to someone else immediately so she can't reply.

BackforGood · 02/01/2017 21:58

I dont think commenting that someone looks tired is rude / insulting - its caring..... asking if they are ok, kind of thing spots, obviously different.

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 02/01/2017 22:01

She's a bully.

Cut her loose.

Original poster
coccolocco · 02/01/2017 22:01

I don't know about everyone else, but i never think of anything good to say when i feel insulted...Only a while after the 'event' has taken place!

OP posts:
yorkshapudding · 02/01/2017 22:01

How rude! She sounds like a right charmer.

I suffered from horrendous acne in pregnancy and the number of people who felt the need to point it out to me was flabbergasting. As if I hadn't noticed my own face errupting!

dollydaydream114 · 02/01/2017 22:06

Surely an insult is an insult whichever culture you're from?

Well, not necessarily ... what's considered rude really does vary a lot across the world.

Assuming that this woman isn't from a different culture, though, she is being pretty rude. I can just about see why it might just be concern to comment that someone looked tired, especially if it's someone you're very close to, but pointing out spots is really rude.

RebelRogue · 02/01/2017 22:10

OH's sister is a bit...uhm...odd. When we saw her after about 4 years, can't remember if she said hello or not,but the first thing after that was "oh your hair looked better in the pictures!". I just replied with "I know , I used an instagram filter" smiled,and not a bad evening all in all. His mum was worse as she didn't even talk to either of us .

Benedikte2 · 02/01/2017 22:36

Tell her "yes, but they will go, and you'll still be rude"
Just no need to insult anyone, whether related or not in such a manner.

napmeistergeneral · 02/01/2017 23:48

My dh's female family members used to do this to me. Comments about looking tired, weight, etc. I would always blank the comment entirely; no reaction whatsoever. Act as if nothing had been said.They don't do it anymore.

Unless it is said out of concern by someone really close to you, it's always rude to say someone looks tired. And mentioning spots? Just. Urgh. So, so rude.

TheNiffler · 03/01/2017 00:09

It's rude.

In future, just stare at her, say "Really?", then either walk off or ignore her.

LucieLucie · 03/01/2017 01:11

It's rude, and not normal.

It's behaviour similar to what my mil used on me, your getting fat, I don't like your hair like that Shock

I ignored it but was always upset and seething about it. I think it's incredibly rude and is so confrontational it's actual bullying.

In hindsight I should have replied "Did you actually mean to say ???!!!! ....Wow, how rude!! Are you feeling alright? Is there anything bothering you?"

lovelearning · 03/01/2017 09:54

"you look really tired"
"You've got loads of spots"

"I thought I looked ravishing"

CurlsandCurves · 03/01/2017 10:04

I had a friend like this. Took my kids to her sons birthday party. Made a bit of an effort, put some makeup on, etc.
She greeted me with ' Hi Curls, ooh, you look haggard!'

I was too shocked to respond!