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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU This not normal behaviour!

42 replies

coccolocco · 02/01/2017 19:47

Haven't seen OH's Aunty in a while. Went over and instead of saying hello or anything else she said
"you look really tired." I replied a little surprised (as i had made a real effort to look presentable and put on make-up)
"Oh I've been running around after the kids." She then said
"You've got loads of spots." I was left gobsmacked!!! Who says this to someone, i wouldn't dream of it!

OP posts:
passmethewineplease · 03/01/2017 10:09

Culture isn't an excuse to be rude. Hmm

I'm always telling my daughter it's rude to comment on someone appearance, she's 7 and she seems to get that.

She was being horribly rude OP! Ignore her.

Oblivia · 03/01/2017 10:21

My mother does this to me every time she sees me, which isnt often, but I get "ooo haven't you put on weight?" "you look chubby in that photo" "you look pale, tired...."

she is fatter than me BTW,

starting to think it is a form of bullying

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 03/01/2017 10:21

DH's nan used to tell me how tired/ill I looked literally every time I saw her Hmm
Irritated the fuck out of me, just used to say no I'm fine thanks...

JerryFerry · 03/01/2017 10:25

Culture isn't an excuse to be rude

I think you have missed the point. In some cultures this would not be considered rude. More a comment of concern or interest.

SpookyPotato · 03/01/2017 12:19

No-one is excusing culture, just maybe explaining why someone thinks it's acceptable to say these things. I lived in the Middle East and people regularly get greeted with "you got fat!" or "you're too dark!" But they don't see it as rude.. the malicious intent isn't there. But if they moved to the UK then I think it would be wrong to carry on with those comments as we generally think it's very rude and rightly so.. They'd be offending people all over the place.

NathanBarleyrocks · 03/01/2017 12:22

In some cultures this would not be considered rude Well in that case she needs educating as to what is and is not acceptable to say in this culture.

DameSquashalot · 03/01/2017 13:58

"You look really tired, but not as tired as the last time I saw you"

A friend said this to me once...it really pissed me off.

It is incredibly rude and YANBU.

Pheebs770 · 03/01/2017 14:03

If anyone says this to me (especially with the annoying head tilt) I say aww so do you head tilt

hellsbellsmelons · 03/01/2017 14:11

'Ahh... well aren't you a delight?'

That should shut her up!

Sheilasfeels · 03/01/2017 21:51

Oh my god my mother is the worst for this. Every single phone call 'you sound tired', every time I see her 'you look tired'. It's becoming her catch phrase. I was genuinely starting to worry that I sound like an old hag, but then on xmas day she said to my MIL, 'oh you look tired'. I've realised it's her go-to caring phrase, to show she's interested and concerned. I don't think she realises that it can actually be incredibly offensive and annoying!

happybunnyme · 06/01/2017 07:47

Rude! Yanbu

Witchend · 06/01/2017 08:15

Tired to.me (thoroughly English) is expressing concern.
The second is rude though.

LivingOnTheDancefloor · 06/01/2017 09:27

My DDad used to say things like this to me. I told him that it wasn't nice to hear, etc but he couldn't see what the issue was.
One day I responded with something like "well, I have spots, but you have a lot of wrinkles". I think he stopped after that.

NewYearNewMe78 · 06/01/2017 09:43

My brothers Filipino housekeeper said to me the last time o seen her "you got much bigger" and showed with her hands what she meant !
I had indeed put on a "little" weight but felt horrible for someone to be so blunt 😳

mereswinesaliva · 06/01/2017 09:56

Take whatever she says and in your mind turn it into the Biggest Compliment Ever. Then you'll have no trouble grinning widely and gushing an effusive "THANK YOU". Look thrilled - like she's just made your day Grin

Will totally confuse her. She can't very well butt in and explain you took it wrong and she actually meant to try to upset you, not compliment you.

Original poster
coccolocco · 07/01/2017 05:15

She is of a different ethnicity, however was born/raised and went to school in England! You would think she would know the social parameters too as she is only 40 years old. She didn't just say i was tiered she also said i looked 'battered.' She says stupid things all the time she even told people at the school where our children both used to go school that my husband and i couldn't pay our own mortgage!! And that she and her husband had to pay it for us!! This is completely not true! Who's does this? I was flabbergasted when i heard that, there have been so many things she has done!

OP posts:
CheeseFiend36 · 07/01/2017 06:59

I had a relative (cousin's wife) feel the need to tell me the NIGHT BEFORE my wedding day "what's happened to your cheeks you've come out in horrible spots" - yes because I've been fucking stressing about planning this stupid wedding for freeloading relatives like you to have a good time.

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