To think my 12 year old cousin shouldn't trash ds's room and leave it looking like this!!

[RoystonVaseySmegHead]

I do love my cousin but he's a pain in the arse. He's got Aspergers and I understand that he doesn't do things the same way as other people do. I have 1000% respect for him because I know how much he struggles some days but he carries on and doesn't get himself in a fit like he used to and stuff... so this is NOT an autism bashing thread before anyone flames me for that. but when he comes up for just half an hour with dgm he runs all round the house including my bedroom (which he's been told not to go in every time he comes here) then he gets ds to start throwing Lego downstairs and little toys, then when dgm asked him to help tidy up (granted ds is 3 so he didn't do much at all) he leaves ds's room in this state. You can't open the door even 3/4 of the way and His bedding isn't even on the fucking bed!! I know for a fact he can tidy up, Hoover, dust, wash pots etc coz he does it at home so WHY does he think this is acceptable here?! Not once in the 4 months we've lived here has ds made this much mess on his own and he knows not to tip all his toys out at once. All the little pieces of his castle are everywhere and when dgm asked if ds's room was put straight dcousin said it was 😡 Why does he treat my house like a fu king playground when he doesn't do it at home or at gdms house?! Now I've got to sort all this shit out myself. Every time he comes up he ends up making a bloody big mess. Wibu to ask he doesn't come anymore? They've trashed my room too 😡😡😡

I agree totally Meemolly They went up to play. You knew they would make a mess and then you posted photos.

meemolly and derxa I put photos on because 1, I Only have a tidyish 3 year old - I don't really see mess that older kids make. 2, I didn't want people to think I was making an issue about one or 2 things left out whereas it being literally everything after being asked to tidy up. 3, its easier to put a picture of it than it is to say everything was everywhere- not an issue if it's 10 toys, but if an issue when it's 40 little bits and bobs.

There aren't half some people on this thread who have no idea at all.
Why on earth would you punish a child with SN for doing what they do because of the SN?
I hope these people don't spout their usual rubbish in their communities, parents with children with SN and the children themselves have enough to cope with.
You should be ashamed of yourselves, but of course you can't see it.

Was the mess because of sn though or just kids having fun which tends to involve mess? I can see how failing to tidy up properly after the general instruction to tidy up could be an asd thing. I could see my ds putting away the last thing he was playing with and then quite sincerely thinking he had tidied up. But I don't think getting a child with sn to tidy up after themselves or not allowing them in the ops bedroom is punishing them.

12 yr old boy? Yes I'd say that's a fairly normal amount of mess after playing. He's not destroyed anything. It's just stuff that needs picking up. But then the only rule about toy mess I have is that it gets picked up when it's a hazard.

The absolute joy of kids with SEN is that they can make such huge advances in things over surprisingly short periods - as you say, he's jumped from the mentality of a bright 4 yr old to a bright 10 yr old in months. The simple pleasure is to watch how they cope with these changes and advances so well.

The difficulty is always, as they get older, people have expectations of how they should behave socially and what is acceptable. My son is 10, is 5'2" and weighs over 9 stone (his dad is a big man!), people always assume him to be mid teens so when he has a 10 yr old upset or meltdown, the looks of disgust I get from people can be challenging! I've grown a very thick skin and will always stand for someone who appears to be struggling. Once you know how to recognise the signs, it's not hard to smile and say 'you're doing a great job' to someone rather than tut and shake your head!!
Like I said earlier, you're providing him with a safe place - it's challenging for you but bless your husband, he's doing his bit to take the pressure off too!! X

wicked until we got this house a few months ago we were an hour away from him so only saw him at dgms maybe once/ twice a month so I'm really hoping that now we're closer (20 min ish) he can come round more often I'm just not used to seeing him outside his more comfortable environments where he knows for definite what's what so didn't think to do different to what we do at dgms house iyswim? Next time he's round I'll get what I can downstairs and say no to going upstairs and see how that goes, I feel like he'd leave less of a mess if it were downstairs and there wasn't as much to play with, and he can't say it's tidy if it isn't that way either. I think his issue is time anxiety (if that's even a thing?) like his parents are constantly late for everything and things get left to the last second so if someone says 'we're going in 10 minutes' he'll panic now and think they're leaving instantly. I get so mad for him sometimes when he's doing something perfectly well in his own time (the same speed as I'd normally do it for example) and then people come rushing him and he gets stressed out. If Ds had a bigger room I'd love him to be able to stay overnight or something :( then again though I don't know if he would be able to anyway