Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding Seating Arrangments

63 replies

MrsMoore2803 · 01/01/2017 21:50

Although my name on here is "Mrs" I am actually currently engaged not yet married. My parents divorced when I was 15 and they both have partners. I get on alright with my mums boyfriend but I really dislike my dads girlfriend. She's just so boring and has to know what is going on in any conversation etc. I know that she will want to expect to sit on the top table at my wedding and I don't want her there. Obviously my dad and mum will be sitting on the top table. What should I do about dads girlfriend? AIBU to make her sit with the other guests and have my mums boyfriend sit on the top table? Both of them have children as well so should how would you do this?

Thank you!!

OP posts:
LockedOutOfMN · 01/01/2017 22:35

Tradition would dictate that you sit like this:

Best man
Your groom's mum
Your dad
You
Groom
Your mum
Groom's dad
Maid/matron of honour

The partners of the maid/matron of honour and best man and the couple's parents (if they've remarried) sit on the other tables with the guests.

I think in your circumstances, it may be wisest to stick to tradition. You could always tell a white lie - if necessary - and say that the top table at your venue will only seat 8.

Your parents' partners can sit with your siblings or relatives on the side of the family that they've married into (i.e. dad's girlfriend sits with your aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins in dad's family) or with other guests they know and get along with.

I think it's unreasonable of your parents' "new" partners to expect to sit on the top table at YOUR wedding day.

19lottie82 · 01/01/2017 22:36

I got married a couple of years ago and had this problem. I get along with both of my parents partners but we only had a small top table (only 45 guests for sit down meal) so they sat with people they knew at other tables.

My parents hadn't spoken in years an I didn't really want the stress of worrying about them sitting next to each other so I sat DF with MIL and DM with FIL, which is apparently a very acceptable way of doing things so the top table went from left to right

MIL - DF - MoH - Me - DH - BMan - FIL - DM

Hope that makes sense!

ConvincingLiar · 01/01/2017 22:36

You obviously haven't told us everything, but not inviting your dad's partner and the mother of your half siblings because she's a bit annoying is ridiculous. I agree that having a top table isn't going to work. Whilst this is your big day, it's easiest for you to be happy. Don't force other people into awkward situations they won't enjoy. Give them an enjoyable day. Let them sit with people they like.

Eevee77 · 01/01/2017 22:41

OP even on your wedding day you won't have everyone's 100% attention 100% of the time. And if you feel your dad isn't paying you any attention, that that is your issue with him, not her.

Pilgit · 01/01/2017 22:52

I know where you're coming from. My dad's partner is also all about her. My dad was all about her as well. To him I wasn't the centre of attention even in the car.on the way to my own wedding! You won't change it. Just ignore the behaviour. She raised merry hell because the best mans wife was on the top table. She'd just got out of hospital after having an ectopic pregnancy removed. We didn't know she'd make it at all. We squeezed her in on the top table at the last minute as she knew few people. That wasn't a good enough reason apparently as it looked like she wasn't part of the family. Don't let it get to you

Inertia · 01/01/2017 23:03

Have your mum and dad on the top table and sit both new partners on different tables with their own children and perhaps some other people they know from either side of your family.

RedNoseRumble · 01/01/2017 23:05

YABU and it's good you're having a rethink of the seating plan. Think it's pretty awful that you would even think of doing this tbh, it would have been a proper 'in your face' snub.

Could you also explain what makes her boring Hmm as she obviously doesn't bore your father.

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/01/2017 23:46

Agree both or neither

In the end you may not like her but your dad obv does

Your parents have split up and both got new partners

Does your dad know how Much you hate this lady?

Original poster
MrsMoore2803 · 02/01/2017 20:59

Dad has been with her since I was 15 and I have shown my dislike towards her from about 16. At first I understood it was a new relationship so perhaps that was why it was all about her all the time? But now almost 10 years later things haven't changed. And I don't see how my dad can bear to spend days with her when she bores me within a few minutes. She has no opinion and just agrees with whatever my dad says which particularly annoys me because I was raised to have my opinions and not be afraid to share them. She also does this ridiculously fake laugh whenever my dad says anything which could be in the vaguest way interpreted as funny! I'm going to stop now before I rant even further! And don't even get me started on her kid ;)

I really can't make up my mind on this and ideally I want it decided soon so I can decide the table plan and order the place cards and centerpieces etc.

OP posts:
ConvincingLiar · 02/01/2017 22:46

This is not making you sound very nice.

MargotMoon · 02/01/2017 22:58

Sounds like your relationship with/attitude towards her has not matured since your teenage years.

LagunaBubbles · 02/01/2017 23:06

Your last post doesn't really portray you in a good light OP, it makes you sound like a jealous child.

streetylight · 02/01/2017 23:06

How well do your parents get along? Would they consider sitting together for one meal for you?

SouthWestmom · 02/01/2017 23:21

Is this a reverse?

Champagneformyrealfriends · 02/01/2017 23:24

Ours went-

Best man/Bridesmaid/Mil/Me/DH/Mum/Dad/Fil

Sfil and Smil sat with other guests.

tinyterrors · 02/01/2017 23:25

We had a similar problem with my dh's dad's partner when we got married. There's a very good reason for my dislike but would out me to everyone I know, suffice it to say she told some huge lies that caused problems for a lot of the family. I didn't want her at the wedding but it would have caused another huge rift which I didn't want at the wedding. Dh's step dad however is amazing and we both really wanted him at the top table so we had to have his dad's partner too.

We had :
Best man
Dh's dad's parter
Dh's dad
My mum
Dh
Me
My dad
Mil
Step father in law
Maid of honour

Everyone was happy, well as much as we could be since I didn't want her at the wedding at all.

However your second post does sound a lot like jealousy. So what if you find her boring? You can't like everyone. It sounds like a major personality clash between the two of you but you'll just have to get over it if you don't want to cause a massive falling out over a seating plan.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 02/01/2017 23:25

And stop being so rude about your dads partner. You sound like a teenager.

JaniceBattersby · 02/01/2017 23:29

You sound awful. She's 'boring'? Are you 12?

RunWalkCrawlbutMove · 02/01/2017 23:31

When you say "her kid", do you mean your sibling? If this is your dad's child too then this is a half brother/sister. Do you really dislike them this much too?
Are they invited?

SusanneLinder · 02/01/2017 23:41

At a wedding with similar circumstances, they had brides father sat with grooms mother and grooms father sat with brides mother. Chief bridesmaid and best man also sat at top table. Other bridesmaids/ new partners and groomsmen and ushers hosted a table.

spooniestudent · 03/01/2017 01:05

We're having a stupidly long top table (both mine and dps parents are remarried). I've had family members who've had the parent they're least close to and their partner on a separate table.
TBH you're making your self seem quite childish op, just stick her at the far end of you don't want to spend the whole meal talking to her

kel12345 · 03/01/2017 01:36

It has to be both new partners or neither really, else you do run the risk of being accused of favouritism.
We had a buffet instead of a sit down meal (personal choice, and it kept costs down as we only had a 3 month engagement). My parents are divorced, my mum is remarried and my dad is single. I had my stepdad at another table with my brother and sister. It worked fine. He was near my mum so.

MommaGee · 03/01/2017 07:24

Both of my parents have new relationships. We had a sweetheart table instead. So just me and DH. Then three tables in front - DDad, DMom and DIL's. Each parent sat with their partner. I pit my older sis with my Dad (same parents) and my little sis with my mom (half sister). They all got to feel special

AllotmentyPlenty · 03/01/2017 07:32

I had no parents at my top table to avoid this problem - would have been eight "parents" otherwise!

We just had us and groomsmen, bridesmaids at the front. In front of that, each of our parents (and their partners) had a table which they "hosted" each. Worked well for us.

FatalKittehCharms · 03/01/2017 07:40

She has no opinion and just agrees with whatever my dad says which particularly annoys me because I was raised to have my opinions and not be afraid to share them. She also does this ridiculously fake laugh whenever my dad says anything which could be in the vaguest way interpreted as funny!

To misquote Jane Austen, a man allows his wife girlfriend liberties that he does not allow his sister daughter

They've been together 10 years, so he obviously likes spending years with her, let only 'days'.

Swipe left for the next trending thread