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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel quite shocked/disgusted at all the stuff we have?

110 replies

Olbasoiltime · 01/01/2017 17:27

We are redecorating soon, and have been using the last bit of the holidays for a clear out. Obviously quite a lot has come into the house over Christmas, but as I've been clearing out today, it's really hit me how much we HAVE

We aren't particularly well off, most of our things are good quality second hand or have been given to us, our house is small but tidy and we only buy toys Christmas /birthdays. We don't have a lot of "tat", or so I thought.

Yet somehow DD has SEVEN coats. Three pairs of winter boots. Their bookcases are groaning at the seams. One of my big closet shelves is just filled with blankets, from fleecy kid's character blankets to big quilts. We have about five towels each.

We've spent all day choosing what to keep and bagging up the rest. We then sat down to a Sunday roast and I just sat there thinking WTF. We're the "poor relations" amongst our friends and family, but my kids have coats for every day of the week? And I know from past jobs (not social work but similar line) that there are children in this country who walk the streets in January in little more than a tshirt and who have no books and toys at home

I feel a bit sick and guilty. I never thought my kids had "too much" or that we got them more than we needed, but clearly we have and it's crept up on us. Then when I really started thinking about all the stuff people all over the UK have bought for Christmas and how much of it goes to waste...

I'm actually not even sure what my aibu is about, self digust I suppose. I feel that this year we obviously need to work on stepping away from commercialisation/buying stuff. Get back to basics somehow? Ugh I don't know

OP posts:
C8H10N4O2 · 01/01/2017 19:24

OP: The week after the Christmas break is peak time for relationship breakdown and often peak time for women and children escaping to refuges with little more than the clothes they stand up in.

If you don't need to sell the stuff find out if a local women's refuge can make use of it - the two closest to me are often looking for women and children's clothing plus books/toys and toiletries.

If you LA has a womens centre they may be able to handle it for you otherwise contact through refuge charities.

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 01/01/2017 19:30

I have a really shocking amount of clutter given that we're not that we'll off and we've only been here 5 years. The amount we've accumulated in that time is absurd.
Until recently the living room had a teetering pile of kids toys in the corner, largely unplayed with as DC couldn't find what they wanted. So instead they would just pester to be allowed to watch YouTube. Videos of people "unboxing" more bloody toys!
I've done a really good clear out, now and have put some effort into getting storage in their bedroom and arranging a manageable number of toys where they can be found and played with.
The difference is amazing. Not just in our living space but in the kids behaviour. They've been spending much longer in independent play.
Now to tackle the excess of clothes, books and electrical cables.

seagreengirl · 01/01/2017 19:30

Invisible yes that's a good idea, I'll suggest it.

I don't think that it is a completely solvable problem though, my Mum loves going to craft fairs, and trawling junk shops, and buying things throughout the year. It is a pleasure for her and I would never want to spoil that. It just makes me feel so GUILTY getting rid of it afterwards.

I will definitely be getting people edibles for their extras in future though!

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 01/01/2017 19:32

Completely agree about the shift to consumer society btw. God knows what our ancestors (or millions of people around the world today) would make of this "problem"

Chelazla · 01/01/2017 19:36

Unless your kids are spoilt don't worry! We aren't rich but I want my kids to have a comfortable happy life with loads of toys and comforts. I feel terrible for kids with little and I donate to shelter and nspcc on a monthly basis. I feel very sad some kids have nothing but not guilty my kids do. That's why I work hard and forrgo fancy stuff for myself!

Chelazla · 01/01/2017 19:37

Also unlimited what is it with those in boxing things my kids adore them!

MrsMattBomer · 01/01/2017 19:38

It's just one of those things - you buy a house and then over the years it ends up getting full with things. You think you have a perfectly good winter coat, but then you see a really nice one in the sales and think "oh that'll be handy for when I want to swap between them" which you never actually do and then suddenly you have about five of them.

That's how it happens!

megletthesecond · 01/01/2017 19:42

Similar here. Although I do tend to buy size up clothes in charity shops which increases the ds wardrobes while saving me a fortune. They have two coats each, but we walk a lot so it's worth it.

I've turned the tide slightly recently. They had a theme park voucher for Xmas (no clutter from me) and have been told we won't be visiting the gift shop every time we go.

EggysMom · 01/01/2017 19:46

The rule with books in our house now is "one in, one out". If I buy any or am given any, I have to find the space on my bookshelves which means that a book has to go to the charity shop.

As for clothes, we're obviously not like some posters! Our son has one winter coat, one summer coat, one pair of shoes, two pairs of non-school trousers ...

thebear1 · 01/01/2017 19:49

My children are the youngest in my friendship group so we have had a lot of stuff passed on. I have become better at passing it on to charity but D's aged 3 still has 3 coats and several hoddies. I normally have a charity bag on the go.

ArcheryAnnie · 01/01/2017 19:53

It's true you can never have too many books in a house - but it's also true that the secret to a good library is judicious editing. So I quite often go through one of the bookshelves and collect a bag to go down to the charity shop: books I know I won't reread, and for which I don't have any particular sentimental attachment. My kid is quite used to weeding his bookshelf too, for books to pass on to his cousins. He knows he can keep any book he wants to for as long as he wants to, and as a result still had about a dozen baby books he's kept for sentimental reasons, but for the rest, out they have gone to be read by other kids, to make way for new Anthony Horowitz etc.

I've just come to this thread after getting him to do a similar edit on his drawerful of tshirts. We have a modestly-sized flat which is WAAAAY too full of stuff (paperwork and junk, mostly) so over xmas I have been whittling the mounds down a bit.

ArcheryAnnie · 01/01/2017 19:57

On coats, he's got one summer raincoat, one school coat (mandatory to have a branded school coat), one coat for an extra-curricular activity (which also has to be branded for the uniform, no choice), and one thick winter coat. Which is still four coats, but I can't see any alternative to any of those. (Though he tends to wear his summer raincoat even in winter, so maybe that one can go.)

I hate having loads of shoes in the hall so it's one pair of school shoes, two pairs of weekend shoes, and one pair of school trainers for him. I have two pairs of shoes (one smartish, one not) and two pairs of sandals (one smartish, one not).

ArcheryAnnie · 01/01/2017 20:03

I think though the mindset if you've had a poorer family background is to not to be wasteful, saving things, picking up 'bargains' in advance and saving them is hard to lose.

This. Hence my tin full of used ribbon, drawer full of packing materials for when I send parcels, shelf of used large envelopes. Thing is, I do use them, so it's hard to just dump the lot, but I realise i don't need so many.

The bags of worn-out socks and worn-out pants in a cupboardv that I use for rags - well, I do use them for cleaning and so on, but I will never ever in my life need so many.

Artandco · 01/01/2017 20:03

Oh and I don't think having too much of one item that is used is an issue.ie needing 6 different types of shoes for various climates and events (school, snow, summer etc). That's fine, they are used and needed. It's having too much of everything in general that probably isn't needed

Cagliostro · 01/01/2017 20:08

We are kind of in the middle as DS gets loads of hand me downs but DD is the tallest of her friends so she does the handing down to them.

I am far too acquisitive, particularly in relation to my obsessions - I have ASD and am crazy for board games and dvds, I have banned myself from buying either this month at a minimum. I have also joined the no buying books thread as I have loads unread.

My other 'thing' is educational stuff for the DCs, especially now they are home educated! So one of my New Years resolutions is to use up what we've got first. We are also putting a budget in place for home ed stuff.

Artandco · 01/01/2017 20:11

Cag - can you use some of your home Ed budget for non material items? Annual National trust entry for example or a kids weekly sport class.

MiaowTheCat · 01/01/2017 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Babykrazy05 · 01/01/2017 20:16

eggysmom - 2 pairs of non school trousers - really?! my gawd we can get through 2 pairs of trousers in a day...outdoorsy kids, fall in a puddle or just get muddy, go home and change, later spill a little drink or dinner on pair 2 and thats 2 in the wash....
on holidays we pack 2 outfits per day per child - and we have 5 kids!

we could never ever manage on 1 pair of shoes either! please tell me you also have wellies and trainers! coats yes 1 coat per season, but then waterproofs, fleeces etc surely you have those as well?

CurlsandCurves · 01/01/2017 20:19

I am ruthless when it comes to getting rid of stuff. Comes from when I was at Uni. When you've got clear out and pack up all you own and bring it all back home every term you learn to prioritise what you really need!

Now we don't live in a big enough house to keep loads of stuff. I clear out regularly, if it's not been used or worn in recent months it goes.

Re books which I know hold sentimental value but take up space, might it be worth investing in a kindle or similar and gradually buying them to store on there? Then you could clear out some and keep the ones you really want to keep hard copies of.

CombineBananaFister · 01/01/2017 20:22

I felt this way about 5years ago when I became ill, I looked around at all the stuff and realised none of it mattered one bit and there was far too much of it. It sounds like a cliche but it did change our mindset, one because my treatment meant limited working hours/income from me and two, it makes you change your priorities.

Now we have a one in, one out type of rule and conciously don't buy something just because it is a 'bargain' which is, as someone said upthread, hard if you were brought up poor so was a big attitude to change. We use the library weekly and most items are treated with care so they can be resold on ebay to fund the next item needed. Now we have what we need and extra funds are spent on days out or experiences.

CombineBananaFister · 01/01/2017 20:23

Blush YANBU OP, make some changes you'll be amazed at the benefit

Libitina · 01/01/2017 20:25

Another vote for reading the Marie Kondo books here.

Zombiemum1946 · 01/01/2017 20:29

I have been in a similar position minus the tidy house. You say a lot of what you have is good quality second hand and gifts. You have therefore saved money, given to charity, recycled and are in a position to pass on good fortune and careful management. Many don't have much, but every time you clear out they gain. Your kids get to see good habits and that good care means that things last and will help others when passed on. I know the guilt but you need to look at the good side especially at this time of year. Give yourself some credit, your due it.

mizu · 01/01/2017 20:39

It does feel good to not have much stuff. We live in a small flat at the moment with no attic, cellar, storage space.

We are always taking odd bits and pieces to the charity shop as we do not have the room. We have what we need and not much more.

I wonder though if we had more space, would we have more stuff? I would like to think no.

oldlaundbooth · 01/01/2017 20:39

I hear you OP.

I recently has a huge clear out but we still have piles of stuff. Combination of saving stuff for future use and people giving us stuff.

I made a resolution to not buy any clothes whilst pregnant and on mat leave : all I bought extra was two pairs of black leggings so I've been literally washing and wearing one load of clothes per week. Made me think that we actually don't need piles of clothes.