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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel quite shocked/disgusted at all the stuff we have?

110 replies

Olbasoiltime · 01/01/2017 17:27

We are redecorating soon, and have been using the last bit of the holidays for a clear out. Obviously quite a lot has come into the house over Christmas, but as I've been clearing out today, it's really hit me how much we HAVE

We aren't particularly well off, most of our things are good quality second hand or have been given to us, our house is small but tidy and we only buy toys Christmas /birthdays. We don't have a lot of "tat", or so I thought.

Yet somehow DD has SEVEN coats. Three pairs of winter boots. Their bookcases are groaning at the seams. One of my big closet shelves is just filled with blankets, from fleecy kid's character blankets to big quilts. We have about five towels each.

We've spent all day choosing what to keep and bagging up the rest. We then sat down to a Sunday roast and I just sat there thinking WTF. We're the "poor relations" amongst our friends and family, but my kids have coats for every day of the week? And I know from past jobs (not social work but similar line) that there are children in this country who walk the streets in January in little more than a tshirt and who have no books and toys at home

I feel a bit sick and guilty. I never thought my kids had "too much" or that we got them more than we needed, but clearly we have and it's crept up on us. Then when I really started thinking about all the stuff people all over the UK have bought for Christmas and how much of it goes to waste...

I'm actually not even sure what my aibu is about, self digust I suppose. I feel that this year we obviously need to work on stepping away from commercialisation/buying stuff. Get back to basics somehow? Ugh I don't know

OP posts:
TypicallyEnglishMustard · 01/01/2017 18:21

Also, Unfuck Your Habitat is a great app for decluttering and organising!

nethunsreject · 01/01/2017 18:23

I totally relate, op. Dh and I have this conversation often, especially at Christmas. We have reduced big time but we still have far too much.

Fartleks · 01/01/2017 18:23

You need the Marie kondo book

Yoarchie · 01/01/2017 18:27

When you have kids you necessarily accumulate stuff even if you try not to. The key is getting rid. We visit the charity shop every week to donate but never buy as we don't want yet more stuff.

I wonder how those of you who don't get stuff manage not to acquire new stuff. Don't your kids go to parties and come back with tat? Don't they have parties and get new bits from friends?

Grandparents buy like maniacs in some cases as well.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 01/01/2017 18:28

OP - I agree with your last post defiantely! I'm only a couple of generations from those "dark satantic mills" - but we have the problem of too much stuff in a much bigger house than my granny's generation could hope for. (Although smaller than my parents' house at this age!).

I think though the mindset if you've had a poorer family background is to not to be wasteful, saving things, picking up 'bargains' in advance and saving them is hard to lose. I do feel bad that I'm not ebaying or selling on stuff, but giving it to charity/putting in the bin, but I never get round to it, so stuff just gets stored.

lougle · 01/01/2017 18:28

It is odd. Someone left a child's coat here on a cold evening one day and I didn't notice until late at night. I felt awful, worrying about them being at school without a coat. I sent a profuse apology the next morning and suggesting a way of getting it back to the mum (both working, different schools). Her response was 'no worries, plenty of coats!'.

That would be a disaster in our house because our children have 1 coat.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 01/01/2017 18:30

I'm looking at my book shelf now with a desire to throw out half, although I need to check with DH about charity shopping his!

I heard a great way of viewing stuff - if your house was gutted in a fire, would you rebuy this with the insurance money?

YouMeanYouForgotCranberriesToo · 01/01/2017 18:31

We also have loads and I would so love to have a tidy minimalist looking house, but it's never going to happen. I made an effort this year to not have many toys on the dcs lists for christmas, we just don't need more!

Dd2s birthday in this month and she just doesn't need anything! I'm hoping people will listen when we say she doesn't need anything, but I'm guessing we will end up with another pile of stuff.

Ragwort · 01/01/2017 18:32

Agent - yes, your local Refuge will accept toiletries, many Food Banks, hostels etc do as well. Salvation Army can also make use of unwanted gifts.

I'm another one who has spent a day 'de-cluttering' - it's actually very liberating - I sorted out all my pens & pencils - 100s of them - ridiculous Grin.

DonutParade · 01/01/2017 18:33

I didn't want anything for Christmas, so didn't get anything / asked for nothing, because not getting stuff was more of a present than getting stuff just for the sake of it. So much stuff means few things are precious anymore. I aim to die with less ' personal ' stuff than they could fit in the same sized box as I'd be in ! Not leaving a pile of shite for my kids to sort, joy.

gluteustothemaximus · 01/01/2017 18:37

Have got better as get older. Christmas presents are less but better quality/really wanted.

Although we have one coat each and one pair of shoes/trainers each.

Declutter and then only buy what you need. That's what we do now 😀

MerylPeril · 01/01/2017 18:37

I have 3 big bags awaiting charity collection

I need to teach myself that DD (8) needs far fewer clothes now - not everything gets filthy and we don't have to get changed half way through the day anymore.

DH is a terrible hoarder though - I slowly try to go through things and get rid but he will take ANYTHING anyone offers him.
It was a real struggle after his parents died to stop him bringing chipped crockery and broken kettles from their house. The shed is currently stuffed with their stuff to 'sort' (3 and half years).

Ironically he's the one that complains about the mess the most!

TypicallyEnglishMustard · 01/01/2017 18:38

If you want to be more minimalist, you've got to commit the time. It's harder at the start, but gets easier as you go. That's why I love the minimalist game, most days it's just a little at a time, then by the end of the month, you're ready to be ruthless.

Bobochic · 01/01/2017 18:39

I have moved house this year and also emptied my parents' house following their deaths. The amount of sorting/donating/selling/recycling/dumping I have done has been seriously unfunny. TBH my own home was under much greater control for excess/irrelevant stuff than was my parents, yet their self-image was one of frugal restraint. Ho hum!

I am slowly decorating and furnishing my new home with a carefully curated selection of furniture and possessions from my own and my parents' collection. I have spent very little so far as I really want to use the things we have. So far I am not doing badly and am very happy with what I have achieved.

seagreengirl · 01/01/2017 18:52

I spent most of last year decluttering after reading Marie Kondo, it actually does change your life and way of thinking.

I received the same amount of tat, literally piles of it , from my Mum and sister for Christmas, even though they knew what I had been doing. I made a good effort of looking pleased, although I will have to repeat my request for less stuff next year. I would much rather have just one thing.

I used to think that I could never get rid of books but I have. I have reduced from about 500 ish to about 30, and I haven't missed any of them. I just feel free.

Lorelei76 · 01/01/2017 18:55

Think of all the money you could save, invest, donate.

It's good that you realised it. You could try " pay yourself first" so after pay is in, first thing is standing order to savings account. No need to pay the retailers so much!

kateandme · 01/01/2017 19:01

could you donate it.find a homeless shelter.or contact shelter or someone.would that mae you feel better.
or ebay?gumtree.
don't think badly though.this is what people do. if you start feeling disgusted over years of memorys and good luck at being able to do this then there is something seriously wrong.
feel fortunate and loved and blessed. golly we feel bad when we have nothing and then wen we are blessed to have it we feel bad.
can people feel good please.

EweAreHere · 01/01/2017 19:09

Same here.

I've sent off a dozen bags of clothes, toys, bedding, books and 'stuff' to charities in the past 6 weeks. It's crazy how quickly it adds up!

InvisibleKittenAttack · 01/01/2017 19:10

seagreengirl - I found this year asking for consumables has helped - so we have lots of fancy biscuits, posh coffee, jams, lots and lots of different hot sauces and chutneys, but these will be eaten over the next few months (although the sauces will probably last us the whole year we got so many!).

I don't really mind that sort of gift clutter as it'll go.

Can you ask at your birthday for stuff like that in a hope to reduce the amounts of storage on 'stuff' but accepting "don't get me anything" will still get you stuff you don't want? (And it's much easier to hand on say fancy jam to a friend saying "oh I was given this for Christmas but noone in our house will eat it, would you like it?")

Bobochic · 01/01/2017 19:13

Receiving tat at birthdays and Christmas is very depressing. I have resolved only to give consumables (flowers, edibles, candles, cosmetics) as presents.

cherrycrumblecustard · 01/01/2017 19:15

I don't get why you'd feel bad?

I mean, my children have more than one cost as sometimes they need a smart coat, a waterproof one, one suitable for school/nursery, one for days in early October or April when it is warm but chilly - you know?

Artandco · 01/01/2017 19:17

We have gone down consumer goods route also. If anyway asks we ask for pillar candles. We burn lots in lanterns so they get used.

For kids we ask either essentials ie ds1 could really do with a raincoat to granny and tell others some drawing paper or modelling clay.

littlefrenchonion · 01/01/2017 19:18

You are on Facebook, may I suggest 'A Make Do and Mend Life', set up by someone who challenged herself to year buying nothing new, after feeling exactly how you are. Its full of ideas of how to execute a simpler, more earth friendly life with less stuff. It's a great group. She also has a blog. Very inspiring!

AgentCooper · 01/01/2017 19:21

Thanks Ragwort, that's good. I wasn't sure if donating a body butter set was akin to being one of those people who puts tins of foie gras in the canned food drive (useless, thoughtless). But if someone having a hard time can get some pleasure out of it and similar bits and bobs, that's good.

MeetTheMartian · 01/01/2017 19:22

Some stuff you cat do a lot about. E.g. You buy a coat and your mum md MIL also buy one for the dd.
You can tell your parents and PIL though that your dd already has a coat so maybe xx would be more useful.

The. There is the stuff that you buy.
I am always amazed at the number of shoes my dcs have. A pair of school shoes, shoes, trainers, trainers for tennis (they can't be muddy), wellies, walking boots. It's already 6!!!! Pair of shoes of each child.

I have to say, you have a point and it scares me sometimes how entitled these children will be as adults when they already have so much a children. Not in a 'these children are spoiled' way but more in 'will they be able to learn to live simply and enjoy what they DO have' type of way.
Plus it's a waste and why on earth using the earth ressources for things we don't actually need?
But the pressure to conform, to ensure that the dcs have 'everything' etc... is strong too....