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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I'm the punchline of every joke

59 replies

weirdlonelygirl · 31/12/2016 21:57

Sitting at home tonight. "Friend" has texted mentioning to come over to theirs, in the past I would have gone. But this year even though I feel lonely as hell and completely inferior for having no friends - I'm not going because I know it will be bad for me. To go and see them smirking at me when they think I've said something stupid, hear them constantly try to out-do anything I say and put me in my place, drone on about how well they are doing financially when I lead a more frugal lifestyle.

They treat me like the punchline of every joke, just in a subtle way, and use me as ego massage. I don't want to go and sit there and hear all about how perfect their lives are and how much fun they have with their close friends.

It's scary to opt for no friends at all and be alone, rather than having shitty friendships. But at least I claim back a bit of self respect. I'd like to meet some kinder people to try to be friends with next year.

It seems like everyone but me has friends, I don't get it. Even people I can think of with very complex mental health difficulties which means they can find relationships hard work - they all have close good friends. This makes me feel like I must be a really worthless person

OP posts:

mirrormirror10 · 31/12/2016 22:01

Do not go and sit with these people.

Cut them out altogether in 2017

TheLadyWithTheYellowHat · 31/12/2016 22:03

Im exactly the same op, I had a baby young, single mum, and my supposed 'best friend' has turned most people away from me at work, its frustrating isn't it? It feels like your totally alone. Have a little cry and delve into a box of chocolates,I know thats exactly what ill be doing tonight!

PaperdollCartoon · 31/12/2016 22:04

You're definitely not a worthless person. You definitely need better friends though.

Mrsemcgregor · 31/12/2016 22:04

Firstly they are not friends, they are arse holes. Better to have no friends at all!!

I have very few friends (a couple of "real" friends but not a big social circle) and to be honest I am happy with things that way, I can't be doing with added drama and responsibilities that friends involve.

You are definitely not worthless, you just haven't found your people yet. But you will.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 31/12/2016 22:05

Sometimes having the wrong friends means you don't get a chance to meet true friends. See stepping back from them as creating a space in your world for new better friends. When you are gardening sometimes you have to prune back the dominant plants to allow the overshadowed ones to bloom. That may prove true for your friendships too.

fusspot66 · 31/12/2016 22:06

Good on ya . Find some genuine friends next year.

LotsoNumbers · 31/12/2016 22:06

Just get out and about meeting people you'll click with someone. I went to a dance class and met someone I now consider one of my closest friends. I'd never have met her if I hadn't gone outside my comfort zone!

missyB1 · 31/12/2016 22:07

You are absolutely right to stay away from these people, and that shows you are a strong worthwhile person - more fool them for not getting that.

You will find your people, take your time, they are worth waiting for.

GerardNoWay · 31/12/2016 22:08

They sound awful, definitely do not go!

Now make a plan. 2017 = new, nicer, better, real friends! You are not worthless, you deserve better.

PaulDacresConscience · 31/12/2016 22:08

Of course you aren't worthless. It takes a huge amount of strength to do what you have done - to choose to be alone and walk away from nasty people.

I don't make friends easily. I'll natter to anyone and I have lots of people I know - but they are acquaintances. It takes a long time for me to get to know someone and become friends with them; I always seem to be the person who gives more which has burned me in the past.

You look on social media and see people talking about their 'besties' and going off on holidays, nights out etc., and it seems like everyone in the world apart from you has loads of really close friends. But a lot of this is just smoke and mirrors and very superficial. I now have about 4 or 5 friends who I get on really well with. We aren't in and out of each others houses or anything like that, but we get on well and we have shared interests in common. I am much happier with these friendships now.

They sound like spiteful people who just want someone to look down on to make themselves feel better. It is their loss - how drab and tiring their lives must be that this is the only way they can make themselves feel better! Make 2017 the year where you put yourself first. You will find friends, sooner or later, that genuinely like you for who you are

FlouncingInAWinterWonderland · 31/12/2016 22:10

Good for you. Happy 2017. You've made a big step claiming self worth.

Friendships take time, take nurturing. 2017 is going to be the year I actually start to have routes, stop putting up barriers, allow people to give. It wont all be plain sailing. Putting trust in others is quite a big deal and makes me feel rather vulnerable.

Maybe we need a weird lonelies support club to tentatively take baby steps in the real world together.

PickledCauliflower · 31/12/2016 22:26

Stay away from them. If they need to pick on people to make themselves feel better, they are definitely not all that!

I have a few (so called) friends that I need to reconsider this coming year. It's an unpleasant feeling - but you just know that they are not friends in the real sense.
I have one acquaintance that is quite "right on" and quite perfect in her lifestyle choices etc. However, when she has been on the red wine she becomes very critical of me - because I asked her about something in work 17 years ago. I still don't think I done anything wrong back in 1999 but she presents a different version of this when she is pissed.
This is a bit of a poor and undetailed example, but I do now realise that she is actually a bit of a cow, and not a friend.
I'll be avoiding her in 2017 and will feel all the better for it :)

DrunkenMissOrderly · 31/12/2016 22:28

Are you very sure they are doing this? Sometimes when I'm in a shitty place I can be paranoid and read slights and digs into things. You sound low, and I don't know what came first - the friends who are mean to you or the you being low in the first place so I'm just sticking that out there

MrsDustyBusty · 31/12/2016 22:30

The people you call friends treat you like this and you don't feel able to make other friends. No bleedin' wonder. Ditch them and you'll find new friends are easy to get.

Manumission · 31/12/2016 22:30

Yes, aim for that third option

Chelazla · 31/12/2016 22:34

When you think about it- how amazing and strong are you! You've made a positive change! Leave them behind and join every group you can think of that interests you! You will make friends in no time! X

pithivier · 31/12/2016 22:37

Well off, clever people, with a bad heart are not worth bothering with. weirdlonelygirl stay here with us. We may not be witty and clever but we have kind hearts and admire you for taking a stand.

clumsyduck · 31/12/2016 22:38

There not friends
Get out in 2017 and meet people worthy of your time

Agerbilatemycardigan · 31/12/2016 22:40

I have a lot of acquaintances, but only a couple of close friends. You won't be missing out on anything by avoiding the dicks that are supposed to be your friends. I've had to take a step back recently from a couple of people that I thought were friends and turned out to be users.

Try to make some new friends. People that won't use you to make themselves feel better.

lottiegarbanzo · 31/12/2016 22:45

Well done you, you have insight and self respect. Go and find some fun new things to do in the New Year. You might meet interesting new people, or not but either way you'll learn new stuff, have interesting experiences and gain lots of good stories.

Do consider the point above about perspective and interpretation. But, however true your perception, it sounds like you could do with a break from these people.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 31/12/2016 22:48

. That's weakness for you. Putting others down to make you themselves shine brighter. Nasty sad spiteful bitches
make you new years resolution to find real friends who appreciate you for who you are. Not what type of life style you live.
You really do not have to put up with it. Get rid they're about as useful as chocolate tea pot, to you.
Even having no friends Is better than having shit friends

Nectarines · 31/12/2016 22:51

Is it possible that you have a skewed perception of this? Sometimes social anxiety rears its ugly head with me and I feel like everyone is against me etc. But when I can see clearly, I realise that's not the case.

Regardless, you're far from worthless. Don't let people make you feel that way.

nickdrakeslovechild · 31/12/2016 22:54

Gosh, good for you. I have only 3 friends who are really friends, You are not worthless, in fact you are worth more. It took me a long time to realise this. When I was in my 20's I thought I had lots of friends but I really didnt.

Friends should not be hard work or make you feel bad. I now only have a few friends but I know they would be there for me no matter what and I would always be there for them. I was saying to my OH recently that I wish I had more friends, but really I dont, I would like to have more acquaintances, but my friends are different, does that make sense?

Pollaidh · 31/12/2016 22:55

Let's put it this way, they aren't friends, they're idiots. Ergo you are not losing friends, you are just ditching some idiots - and finding time to make proper friends. You have nothing whatsoever to lose.

They sound like they have self-esteem issues, if they need to put other people down to feel better.

AteRiri · 31/12/2016 22:58

I have been thinking of the same thing. My closest friends seem to always dilute whatever achievement I have or make me feel less good about them. I'm considering less contact starting this year. And direct my attention to people who are good to me.

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