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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Making digs at my baby, Aibu?

73 replies

UserOneMillion · 31/12/2016 12:40

DS is 4 months old.

Stepmother can make thinly veiled digs. Yesterday she commented DS was really small, he's not, he's on the 75th centile.

She kept saying it, I was sleep deprived and fed up with her behaviour this Christmas. I replied that maybe it's in comparison to her year old grandson (who's she's just seen and is a very large child). She snapped back that so and so's baby is the same age as mine and is a lot bigger, I pointed out that's likely because she's bottle fed....

Aibu to think she was being rude?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 31/12/2016 12:58

Are you sleep deprived?

There's no offence to be taken here, so perhaps you're just a bit tired or fed up of each other?

Can you imagine your DP starting a thread like this because his step-dad said the baby was small?

JogOnDear · 31/12/2016 12:58

I suspect you probably just need more sleep. I really wouldn't take offence at that.

Ilovecaindingle · 31/12/2016 12:59

At 4 months you still have a way to go on gaining the thick skin required for parenthood. ..

Sirzy · 31/12/2016 13:01

Sounds like you over reacted.

Comments on a baby size are pretty standard conversation. Just nod and smile then ignore. Don't use it as a chance to have digs at others

catkind · 31/12/2016 13:05

Couldn't you just say "Actually he's above average, he's 75th percentile for weight. Your friend's baby must be even bigger."
You're right statistically speaking bottle fed babies are slightly bigger, but it's such a small effect, not really relevant unless you're saying the friend is really badly over-feeding, which is rather more of having a pop.

llangennith · 31/12/2016 13:05

Stepmother probably didn't mean to cause offence or upset you I'm sure. Unless she's often rude?!
While you're sleep deprived, and therefore not very resilient, maybe don't see her for a while.

Olympiathequeen · 31/12/2016 13:05

Just tell her size isn't important Grin

It was a nasty comment though but I suspect the relationship is a bit prickly anyway? Just ignore and enjoy your baby.

tooclosetocall · 31/12/2016 13:06

You're sleep deprived and you've had enough of her. Pick your battles. He's your baby not hers and his weight or anything else involving you and your DS has absolutely nothing to do with her.
Next time when she's fishing for a argument, don't bite. She's going to have opinions no matter what you do or say.

JustCallMeKate · 31/12/2016 13:07

I pointed out that's likely because she's bottle fed....

No, you didn't point out anything you were making an assumption and being bitchy. For the record I have 4 children 3 breastfed and 1 bottle fed. My breastfed babies were 'chunks' and my bottle fed child was our like 'dink' compared to the other 3. I don't care if your sleep deprived or not I hope you don't go around making comments or judgements on how people choose to feed their children to other mothers. There really is no need.

Onedaylikethi5ayear · 31/12/2016 13:07

Agree with all the comments re:bottle feeding. Made me grit my teeth. Very unnecessary statement and just as judgemental (if not more so?!?) as the comment about your baby being small, does you no favours at all. Move on, pick your battles.

LavenderDoll · 31/12/2016 13:08

no need to make a dig about bottle fed babies.

Simonneilsbeard · 31/12/2016 13:09

Just give her the confused head tilt and say 'so?'
I find when people who are making subtle digs are put on the spot and asked to explain themselves it tends to shut them up.

purplefizz26 · 31/12/2016 13:11

You lost me at the bottlefed comment. Plenty of breastfed babies are on the bigger end of the scale, while plenty of formula fed are smaller. That was a pointless comment.

Just ignore her, especially if it makes you come out with smart arse comments that might offend somebody else.

Soubriquet · 31/12/2016 13:11

Such a strange reaction to a normal comment....

Both of my babies are small. As toddlers they are still short arses.

Why on earth did you take offence to it?

If she said he was ugly then yes, that's a nasty comment. But small?!

coolaschmoola · 31/12/2016 13:15

I'm not seeing a dig in the 'small' comment. He's a four month old baby - he SHOULD be small.

What I am seeing is a massive overreaction to a minor comment, followed by a petty, judgemental and downright unpleasant comment about a relative of hers and their baby.

When dd was a baby I was over sensitive - I also have a stepmother. She would say things that, at the time, gave me the rage. Looking back she meant no harm at all, it was just chat. Thankfully I didn't open my gob and bitch about other babies...

mistermagpie · 31/12/2016 13:22

I think you are being over sensitive. Of course a 4 month old baby is obviously going to be small. Making digs about bottle feeding just makes you as bad as her. I'm afraid to say that comments like this will continue throughout your child's early years, IME it's just what grandparents do! You need to perfect your 'smile and nod' and just say 'really...?' in a bored sounding voice and change the subject.

Bluntness100 · 31/12/2016 13:28

Mine was small, she was long and thin to be precise, as she still is, someone actually said to me how many weeks premature was she, I responded ehrm,,,,she was full term, 🙄😂

I didn't see it as offensive or rude. Can't see much to get worked up about here, sorry, there is no competition on baby size that I'm aware of. They are what they are and they change rapidly.

TinselTwins · 31/12/2016 13:31

YANBU

I have a relative who did this, and still does now my girls are bigger. E.g. they'll get a card with a big "YOU ARE 9" on it and a skirt that says "7yrs" on the label. Every time. ON purpose because as soon as it's opened they say "ooo I hope it's the right size, I know it's hard to get clothes to fit DD because she's smaller". And every time I say "no it's quite easy, she's very average she wears her age in clothes".

It is an insult from older generations who were told when they had babies that healthy well cared for babies were chubby babies.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 31/12/2016 13:31

This wasn't exactly your finest moment either, OP.

Try not to point score over babies.

SemiNormal · 31/12/2016 13:47

Depends on how she said it surely? I often say to my friends about their babies 'Oh my goodness look how tiny he/she is' ... not meaning any offense just that it's been such a long time since mine was that small that it takes you back to when they were (which can seem a lifetime ago).

YABU however about the bottle fed baby comment. Not your business how others choose to feed their children, surely so long as they are fed that's all that matters.

CupofTeaTime · 31/12/2016 13:47

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JustSpeakSense · 31/12/2016 13:49

All 4 month olds are really small Hmm

justanotherusername0 · 31/12/2016 13:50

Yabu
If I had a quid for every time.someone commented on my babies size I'd be rich. It's what peopl do

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 31/12/2016 13:55

I often say something about babies being tiny when I'm holding them. I would never have thought anyone would take it as an insult at all.

Ywbvu about the bottle feeding comment.

Biscuitsneeded · 31/12/2016 13:57

Give the OP a break everyone. I think the stepmother sounds annoying, and she was the one who invited the comparison with another baby in such a way that the OP felt she had to explain a difference in size. OP was not judging or sneering at anyone for using formula, she was just citing the well-established fact that breastfed babies tend to be leaner. There's a whole wealth of research to support that.

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