Is it okay to say...

[Gemz1806]

I love my husband!! He loves me and our 2 DS, he works long hours as do I and but we work it out. I see so many threads about rubbish men, and I do feel for them, but not many about ladies who feel lucky to have found a good partner and a good da!! He washes up if I cook and I wash up if he cooks. We even wash each each other's clothes if we are putting a wash on. (I see that's a big thing around here) he goes out with his mates, I go out with mine, we have wine together also. Surely I'm not the the only one??

Nah it's the other way around milk.

All the tentative "will I be permitted to be positive about a male?" stuff is goody as fuck.

It's all so complicated isn't it? If you don't want to read a thread, don't. If you don't want to post on it don't.

Oh, it i snot quite so difficult after all!

I think it is a bit patronising to suggest others don't know this is possible, yes.

It is fine to have a thread to celebrate your DH and good relationships. It is fine to tell people that they shouldn't put up with being ill treated. But if you are going to present your praise of your DH as some kind of example to others, well that is more complicated than you've acknowledged.

Not everyone can access a relationship like the one you describe. If you were single now you would probably discover that fast. Equally not everyone can be physically or mentally in full health, or avoid other tragedies in life.....these all affect behaviour and relationships.

So yes, it is nice he does the dishes. Feel free to chat here about how great that is. But I don't think you are revealing a secret that will suddenly solve anyone's problems!

There are so many women on Mumsnet who say stuff like, is this OK, is this normal, and it's really not normal. So actually I think a lot of women have no fucking idea what a normal, healthy relationship is like.

If you do, then this (do women know men can be nice) is not about you.

If you have a great husband and want to shout about it, then that is fine, a different aspect of it is about you.

^^ yy manu
Say what you like OP, but I doubt that those of us who got together with a 'good one', only to discover things later down the line are so dumb we think there's no good ones out there. After all, we initially think they're good until proven otherwise.
Well done to those who have found a genuinely good one who hasn't put a foot wrong (yet)

Why italian?

Whose interests does it serve when the fantastic support that MN gives women daily is misrepresented as "MN is down on the poor luffly men"?

Why is it wrong to challenge that?

OP could have just started a "let's list nice stuff about our menfolk" thread. But she chose to do something more barbed.

Sorry Manu, I'm not seeing anything goady tbh. An attempt at "click bait" with the title (which worked for me 'cause I'm bored and listening to some fucker's house alarm), but I don't think it's any worse than the "Please read" ones which are often MH related.

You wouldn't go those and have a moan that the title wasn't more explicit (at least I hope you wouldn't), so I don't think it's right to do it on an attempt at light-heartedness or positivity.

(Disclaimer - I'm probably guilty of doing it myself in the years I've been here, but I shouldn't have.)

Fair enough. I'm seeing something quite different. Do you want to borrow a really big hammer for that alarm? There's nothing more annoying.

Ok, maybe there is a point to made that some of the awful things people post about here are not normal!

A lot of it is luck though. I mean, I am delighted for OP that she and her DH can be happy together about their kind amazing boys, that is truly lovely and I bet their boys are just the kind of people we need more of. Still, you can be the best parent in the world and have a child who is difficult, struggling in various ways.....and that puts a strain on a marriage. The marriage might survive with love, commitment and so on....but it won't be the same kind of joy day to day. I don't have dc so no drum to beat here, I am just pointing out that some of the stuff above is just good luck in life.

Manu. Thank you for your kind offer. If I knew exactly where it was - yes please. But it's one of those bastards that's far enough away to have no idea, but too close to block out with a pillow over my head.

And having said my husband's lovely... he's sleeping quite peacefully so I'm actually a little resentful right now!

I can't see a single thing in the OP that was helpful advice about normal b abnormal behaviour TBH.

Ah well. Wielding lump hammers up 10ft ladders to smash other people's alarms at 2am is a dicey business anyway

The secret to How Men Sleep Through Anything needs further study.

I don't read this as gloating or smug at all! My own DH is a diamond, cooked the Xmas day lunch, as he does most meals. Far from perfect and is able to wind me up in a way no one else can but wouldn't ever swap him

Manu "Why italian?" Why what?

"Whose interests does it serve when the fantastic support that MN gives women daily is misrepresented as "MN is down on the poor luffly men"?

Why is it wrong to challenge that?"

Sorry none of that makes sense to me.

To me it is totally fair to 'brag' that you have a good husband, it is fine, anyone not wanting to read it will simply not.

To me it is fine to acknowledge the fact that there are women out there who seem to think a totally shit partner is totally normal. I was shocked when I first read some of this, but now I simply accept some women have had really appalling experiences of men.

I have never thought Mumsnet was down on men. At all. I think it is a great forum, used primarily by women and that people usually only post when they have 'issues' and many of those issues will be with either their partners (usually men) or their kids.

It's partly luck, it is partly hard work. Life is not all joy, we have had massive fertility issues, we stayed together not by luck but by character and commitment to each other, and yes, luck. We have two kids who present their own issues, it is not all joy. My dh is a genuinely nice and kind, and self sacrificing man. This is not achieved by luck. He works hard, in all respects. The luck is that I met him. It is not luck that makes him who he is, we all have some choices to make.

If we put it all down to luck we could assume some people just have bad luck and stay in the situations they are in because they feel they have no choices to make.

By the way, the fact my husband is amazing does not cancel out the fact he can be very annoying, frustrating at times! He is not perfect! I think it is important to talk about real relationships and most of all to explore the fact that real relationships can be equal partnerships.

Manu "Why italian?" Why what?

Why not post?

I think PP meant that there is a big element of luck in managing to avoid ever experiencing DV, DA, adulterous men, financial abuse etc. Tendencies that partners aren't upfront about at the outset.

I agree Italian. Your post is a more balanced description.

There are things I could post about my DP that, depending on how edited, would elicit...LTB/he is wonderful/he should leave you. So to be on the safe side I never post anything about any of it. . I guess that is the reality of a lot of long term partnerships; there are good and bad stories to tell. Or maybe I am one of the women who needs telling how it should be .

If he knew I was up and posting on MN at this time we would be lurching into a bad patch!

What a wonderful OP, I started one like this a few years ago about my then DP and got attacked too. It is lovely to love and be loved.

manu "Why not post?" Why not post what? I am really confused. Do you mean my saying if people are not interested in the premise of a thread they should not read or post?

I'd be lost without mine. Cooking, cleaning , washing, supportive to me and my career in every way possible. Married in August and expecting our first DD in May.

I wouldn't be without him, the most kind hearted man I know... despite the fact is 3.05am and he's snoring away I wouldn't change him for the world

Manumission "I think PP meant that there is a big element of luck in managing to avoid ever experiencing DV, DA, adulterous men, financial abuse etc. Tendencies that partners aren't upfront about at the outset."

There is luck, involved, yes, and I think some people by their very early life experiences are predisposed to end up with chaotic men, alcoholic men. This is maybe because they go looking to recreate the chaos of their childhoods. This is well known and well documented. And needs to be talked about more so young women from these types of backgrounds can be better empowered to make changes in what they expect and what they put up with, IMHO.

Also, we need to see equal partnerships portrayed on TV, in songs etc as the norm, at the moment, not so much!

I too have a great one. We have had more than than our fair share of shit. I've been at deaths door several times, we needed ivf for our lovely dcs. We've come through bereavement, long term sickness, infertility, prem birth, Sen. We've had rough times but we've never both wanted to get divorced at the same time!
I wouldn't swap him for the world, he makes me laugh and is my best friend.

Some days reading what other mumsnetters accept as normal makes me even more appreciative of him not that I tell him that!

True, but that would be quite boring tv!

Yes, boring TV, I did think of that.