To want access to my money

[SaveYourTearsForYourPillow]

Myself and Dp are trying to sort out finances. He wants to open a new account for all out bills and rent to come out of each month. That is fine however he wants the account in his name.

He wants us both to put in a surplus amount in each month to ensure all bills are covered. AIBU to say no to this if I do not have access to the account?

Not that all the extra money from my new job went in there.

Sounds an odd thing yo suggest but I'm intrigued with you admission that you 'are not the greatest with money'. Generally, do you let him sort out the finances?

Are all the bills and the rent in both of your names?

Yeah right he 'didn't realise' how alarming it would be. Despite you saying no. Despite it being a bloody weird thing to do in this day and age. He wanted a joint account solely in his name to control the finances. Simple. As. That.

Good that he's seen sense although I'd still be a bit annoyed that it was (paraphrasing) 'so you don't worry your pretty little head about it'. That's a bit paternalistic and not how you get better with money.

The only reason a joint account would be a problem was if your finances were shot ccj's etc and would adversely affect his credit report. That isn't the case so there's no reason to not have a joint account.

I'd be that he even considered it.

That's one red flag. I hope it's the only one.

joint or nothing

Yanbu.

No chance should all the 'extra' money should be in the name of one party. My Nana and Grandad did that. They were very traditional/old fashioned and their savings were in my Grandad's name. Which meant when he died my Nana was left with no access to them until everything was sorted. Long term it didn't have an impact as he left her everything, but it meant she had to borrow the £600 that she needed for the upfront bit of the funeral payments because although the bank will pay the funeral bill that bit has to be paid before the funeral will be organised.

That's before you even get to the 'why would he want all the money in his name?' part.

I'm not brilliant with money either - not in the sense that I'll routinely overspend or make impulsive purchases, but I'm rubbish at remembering when to pay bills or keeping track of what's going in and coming out and when. For that reason am more than happy for my DP to deal with the bills etc. Currently, I make a single payment each month to him which covers my portion of our mortgage, our regular bills and subscriptions. We sat down and worked this figure out together and we look at it again regularly to make sure it's still working out. Any one-off payments or things like food shopping, meals out etc we just split between us, or whoever happens to have the cash on them will cough up.

However, if we were going to start saving 'surplus' cash, ie paying more in than was going out, I would definitely want a joint account that we both had access too. Apart from the general principle that your partner shouldn't be controlling your money, there are solid practical reasons too - what if you need to make an emergency payment/withdrawal, or your partner is taken ill, or whatever? You do need to be able to access your own money. I'm glad your partner now understands this.

It might be different if one of you had a terrible credit rating, but it doesn't sound like that's the case.

No to the surplus.

You work out which bills are going to be paid jointly and you pay in no more than that. If you need extra you agree it.

You not only set the account up with BOTH names but you also ensure that no money can be drawn out, direct debits set up etc without the signature of BOTH parties (I'm sure you can stipulate this kind of thing when you're opening the account).

It not only protects you but it protects him as well.

And you each have your own solo accounts for your own 'excess' money.

Absolutely, unequivocably NO to a 'joint' account in one name!

"As I said I am not great with money and he thought this would be easier as I wouldn't worry about running out each month."
No, that makes no sense either. You not having access would make no difference to it running out, or to you worrying about running out.

Or is he really , in that 1950s way, taking the 'don't you worry your pretty little head about money my dear, just give it all to me and I'll see to it and you can go back to thinking about kittens' sort of way? Which is really really patronising.

We always had joint account for bills, then our own accounts, we got paid into our own accounts, had a set amount we both transfered to the joint account (that was slightly more than the bills so we saved up a cushion for "oh fuck" situations), then our spending money was out fo the solo accounts.

Apart from being controlling that you wouldn't have access to that account, it was also making you more like a child/parent relationship, you shouldn't get to 'opt out' of being a grown up and managing the bills too.

Erm, that would be a no. Yanbu.

There's no actual reason that he can't manage the joint account. If he's the one who makes sure the bills are paid. It's him wanting it solely in his name that smells.

I'm glad you're getting joint account. I agree with others that I'm suspicious of his reasoning. My DH and I have a savings account just in my name because we've never bothered to go down the bank and add to him it (it was mine originally) but I'd never think twice if he wanted to be added (all our money is shared) and I'd never actually open an account that way.

Nice try. DH and I have no shared money, no joint accounts yet somehow miraculously the bills all get paid. What a dick. One more brain cell and he'd be pond life. He must think you came down in the last shower OP.

What happens to the surplus? 100 a month is quiet a bit that he would have had he paws on.
Why is so much extra been paid in? It makes no sense.

Joint account

I think he knew exactly what he was doing btw. Be wary.

If it's in his name only then there is no proof you've paid anything if you split up. Start as you mean to go on; don't agree to this.

Dh and I had a 'joint' account for years which was only in my name. It was my second account and when we tried to put his name on it the bank said no as he had a poor credit rating. We had him put on the account once it had improved. Seems odd to me.

DH and I both use the same bank, separate current accounts that have been running for 20+ years in my case, 10+ years for him. Last year we tried to open a joint savings account online and they expected us to go to a branch with various forms of ID, which we thought was rather OTT for long-standing existing customers who wanted to give them even more money. In the end we opened individual savings accounts and spread the money across both.

So could the suggestion of an account in just the OH's name have been for sheer ease of opening the account, as in he could do so online?

Why do you need an extra account? You live together, split the direct debit bills so you have approximately the same amount going out monthly from both your accounts, you both buy food, fill your own cars with petrol (if appropriate) and share the rest, it all seems overly complicated.